FC77 Rangers

FC77 Rangers 2:1 Hawks

2011-07-04T11:35:00.000-07:00

FC77 Rangers 2 - 1 Hawks

(Muralt 50', 58')

In a curious twist of scheduling fate, the GPSD O30-Third spring league season decided not to schedule any matches on Easter weekend, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Memorial Day weekend and, mysteriously enough, the weekend of June 25th and June 26th, which I will dub "Didn't Renew our Field Permits with the City of Portland Weekend"...but did decide to play matches on Independence Day Weekend. With so many players off celebrating freedom, liberty, and the right to purchase automobiles and mattresses at dramatically reduced prices, Manager Seanny found himself scrambling to assemble a skeleton crew of Ranger stalwarts to combat Hawks, our bugaboo rivals from the other side of the Columbia River. Forfeit: Not an Option. Rangers have never just rolled over and died in their entire illustrious multi-decade history and Sean wasn't going to be the first manager to fly the white flag, especially since a similar Hawks forfeiture last spring cost us goal differential and the chance to play for a championship. Many, many frantic emails, Facebook messages and passive-aggressive queries went out to secure a full-strength squad. As July 3rd dawned cool and gray, eleven brave men stepped forward to answer the call:

Do you know that there's still a chance for you?

'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light

And let it shine

Just own the night

Like the Fourth of July

'Cause baby you're a firework!

[Queue fireworks and explosions shooting from Katy Perry's ample bosom.]

Starting XI:

Silverman, goalkeeper

Pullen - Bauman - DeBar - Payne, fullbacks

Siegel - Muralt - Calkins - Ingersoll, midfielders

Holstein - Fahrbach, strikers

Reserves: Reserves? Seriously, didn't you read the dramatic introduction?

A full side Rangers complement, including Andre DeBar and Glenn Siegel, assembled on the pitch and were greeted by a...a...not quite full-strength complement of gray-clad and graying Hawks. As the referee checked the rosters, it became clear that the Vancouver rivals would be...umm...compact and determined. You know what I mean. Don't make me say it. The Hawks captain originally considered forfeiting because of their determined compactness as one of their players had an expired card and was deemed not eligible to play, further reducing their squad. Ingersoll had a brilliant managerial idea.

"So, if we allow your one player to play with an expired card, Hawks will play a real match and not forfeit?"

"Yeah, we'll play," the Hawks captain said.

Liking the odds of the Ranger's eleven vs. Hawks not eleven, a pre-match conference was held with the official. Dramatic calls were made. Eventually, the referee hung up his phone and agreed to the arrangement, but with the caveat of thirty minute halves. Some looks of consternation flashed among 'Gers. Sixty minutes? That's it?

Ingersoll, recalling the non-match a year ago, flashed a steely look of snarky, vengeful malice: "We outnumber them by a lot. Let's pound the shit out of them." Bauman and Muralt nodded in approval.

"Works for us."

The referee started the match, Hawks kicked off, and four minutes later they sent a long hero ball over the top and scored. F**k!

Sucker punched by a dose of footballing karma and a really fast striker, 'Gers regrouped and attempted for the next twenty-six minutes to equalize. But we didn't. Maybe it was the long break since our last match. Maybe it was the new combination of players. Maybe it was the lack of goose crap on the pitch that somehow threw our bearings off, but whatever the reason...we were awful. We had difficulty connecting on passes, making traps, and finishing. Ingersoll sliced a shot so far right from the top of the box it may have struck a small child playing in the grandstand. Hawks' keeper, a strong stickminder despite his penchant for wearing a Flounders kit, scooped up the long balls ably and compensated for his right back's lack of mobility. Fahrbach and Holstein started getting chances but the net continued to elude us for the first half. The referee's whistle was a mournful clarion call to action.

"Their backs are old and slow. Drop some deep balls behind them."

"Spread them out and make them run."

"One of our midfielders needs to body up on their fast striker and ride him."

"Win the fifty-fifty ball! They are beating us to every ball!"

No panic was evident, but there was some concern. That proffered 1-0 forfeit was looking pretty sweet in hindsight now. Stupid hindsight. 'Gers took to the field and, although the passes were still spraying all over, they were connecting. Ingersoll and Siegel got more involved on the flanks and the back line was solid with Silverman only having to make two of his trademarked sliding saves. When their dribbling midfielder started getting mazy at the top of the box, our backs collapsed and forced him into a low percentage shot. DeBar, Payne and Pullen controlled the back line and allowed Bauman to roam forward.

With ten minutes to play and the situation looking dire, Calkins fired a long pass behind the Hawks right back and allowed Ingersoll to surge forward into the box. Their keeper covered his angles and Ingersoll laid off a gentle pass to the on-rushing Muralt, unmarked and lonely to the left of the penalty spot. He took his time, picked his shot, and finally beat the keeper with a clean strike through the middle. 1-1 was at least not an embarrassment, but did the Yellow and Black have another in the tank to make the result respectable?

Indeed they did. Two minutes from time, Bauman charged forward from his stopper position and split the two defenders, getting a good double dry-humping in the process. He blasted a shot from just inside the box and beat the keeper--

CLANG!

The striker rebounded aggressively off of the right post! It fell kindly to Muralt, who calmly collected and passed it into the net. The keeper, for all of his match day heroics, had no chance. There were a few cries for offsides, but it was a clean goal and 'Gers escaped with all three points, a modicum of self-respect, and a solid mid-table position with two (but likely only one) match remaining.

Thanks to Muralt's family and Stella Bauman for coming out to watch.

Match Summary:

HAWK, 4'

RAN-Muralt, 50'

RAN-Muralt, 58'

Halftime: RAN 0-1 HAWK

Discipline: None

Attendance: 9

Next Match:

KMA (5-1-2, 17 points) v FC77 Rangers (3-4-1, 10 points)

Sunday, 10 July, 2011

LaSalle High School

Portland, Oregon

6:00 p.m. KO

FC77 Rangers 6:1 Wolfhounds FC

2011-06-13T12:25:00.000-07:00

FC77 Rangers 6 - 1 Wolfhounds FC

(Ingersoll [PK] 10', Holstein 15', Burden 20', Payne 30', King 40', Schutte 70')

Losing to Wolfhounds = NOT ACCEPTABLE

A four match losing streak. About half of the team unable to play due to injuries, scheduling conflicts, or drunken carousing in Vegas. (You know who you are. Ahem.) Stagnating at the bottom of the O30-3 division table, below friggin' Hawks of all teams. And now the return leg of the famous Blue Monk Derby against Wolfhounds FC. Desperate times called for...something. A ray of hope. A glimpse of glory. Perhaps a catchy mantra or slogan that could rally the remaining squad members around a common cause of purpose and drive.

Losing to Wolfhounds = NOT ACCEPTABLE

Some things a recreational adult soccer team can't control, like when your bosses make you work on Sunday or the team you coach is doing something teamy at the exact same time. I mean, you can't just not show up for a bunch of kids, right? (Well, technically, I have but my priorities are kind of whack.) But some things a team can control...like getting eleven players on the field. Blessed by last week's reschedule of the KMA match, Manager Seanny did some research and realized that having only played six matches, the team roster was not required by league rules to be closed as it is on the seventh match. As such, he was able to acquire some other on-loan players. Normally that means contacting FC77 Hibernian, the O40 squad, and hoping Brian Gaffney and several others would play another match...but Hibs were playing immediately after the famed Blue Monk Derby in another part of town, so that wouldn't work. Well, bollocks! Wait. Bollocks! FC77 Bollocks! A quick email was sent to Open 2nd Division side FC77 Bollocks manager Jeff Lucas and, happily, he and two or three other players offered to come "help a brother out". Ingersoll also chanced upon former Ranger Dan Holstein at the Timbers-Rapids match Saturday night and casually dropped the nugget he was looking for some players on Sunday. Holstein's eyes lit up and after a few moments, it was evident the Prodigal Son was comin' home to Daddy. And by Daddy I mean Rangers. Just want to clear that up.

Starting XI:

Silverman, goalkeeper

Pullen - Calkins - Payne, fullbacks

Travis from FC77 Bollocks, stopper

Burden - Nic from FC77 Bollocks - Jeff Lucas - Ingersoll, midfielders

Holstein - Youssef, strikers

Reserves (Oh, glorious reserves!):

King, Schutte, and Fahrbach

Not Available:

Abso-freakin'-lutely everybody else

Sometimes everything just clicks. Sometimes the weather is just right, the passes are going where they are supposed to, the ball falls to the right person in a 50/50 challenge, and the opposing goal looms really, REALLY large. Sunday, June 12th at 11:30 a.m. was just such a day. The new players from Bollocks and Holstein immediately found their groove and place in the starting scheme and everything just kind of went the way it used to--the way it is supposed to. Sharp runs down the outside flanks. Smart hold-up and control in the middle. Silverman bored out of his gourd from most of the first half. Ten minutes in, Burden made a run into the 'Hounds box and was adjudged by the match official to have been unfairly tackled by the opposing defensive line. As the 'Gers left winger dropped to the turf, the referee showed no hesitation pointing to the spot.

"You want to take it?" Ingersoll asked Burden.

Ron graciously shrugged it off. "Naw, go ahead."

And thus began a complex (ha!) psychological mind game of captain and keeper. See, Ingersoll and the 'Hounds keeper have played on the same winter team before and one afternoon, during a practice at PSU when Ingersoll was practicing his penalties, he distinctly told this very keeper this: "My coach in high school told me to always shoot at the exact same spot. Make it automatic so you never miss. Find your spot in the net and always shoot at it. I once took a PK in high school and put it so far over the bar that my coach made me take 25 PKs after every practice and I had to shoot at the same spot every time. Since I figured most keepers were right handed, I would shoot right (their left) hoping their left side would be weaker. So every practice my senior year, I took 25 PKs to my right." The 'Hounds keeper is a smart man and I was sure he remembered that conversation. So what would he do? What would I do?

Would he leap to the right because he knew I always shot right? Or would he leap left because he knew I knew he knew I always shot right? Or would he still go right because he knew I knew he knew I knew I shot right but he was trying to fake me out? Or would he go left because he knew I knew he knew I knew he knew I knew I shot right?

Ah...f**k it. I'll kick it down the middle and see what happens.

The keeper leaped right. The ball drilled into the net in the center of the goal. It wasn't Hasli's chip of Keller from the spot over the weekend, but they don't ask how, just how many. 1-0 'Gers.

Losing to Wolfhounds = NOT ACCEPTABLE

Thus began a veritable deluge of goals. Holstein opened his scoring account after only fifteen minutes with the team with a deft move from the left side, finding the net from well within the box and doubling up the score. With Travis subbing himself off due to a calf strain and ankle knock, 'Gers was still left with two subs available and took full advantage of the fresh legs. 2-0 became 3-0 when Burden himself connected also from the left side, sliding a worm-burner into the far corner of the goal and then, just a few minutes later, launching a 25 yard effort that went just wide. The comfortable lead loosened up the side to make smart runs and play with added confidence. Lucas made an unopposed run from his center midfield position to the right side of the box onto Nic's slicing pass behind the 'Hounds back line, but the field was just a little too short to support the move. Nic later played a looping ball from his central midfield position to the left side of the opposing goal, finding Roy Payne of all people making a sixty yard run deep into the box. Payne took full advantage of his rare foray forward and hit the ball with the outside of his foot, sending it across the goal mouth and into the netting for his first goal as a Ranger and the team's fourth of the day. (Not bad considering he was only 90 yards out of position! Ha!) Youssef was integral to several passing plays and King later scored from another left-sided series that beat the keeper near side, I recall, and all but killed any vestige of momentum, hope, or desire 'Hounds may have entertained.

Losing to Wolfhounds = Not Likely at This Point

The back line provided rock solid protection all half. Silverman was required to only make a few collections, mostly long through balls that were fast on the turf, and Calkins, Angry Mike, Fahrbach and Payne (when he wasn't in the other box!) all totally dominated the infrequent balls that got into our half. Lucas eventually dropped back into a stopper role and further denied any 'Hounds movement through the center. 'Hounds started finding more success in the second half as the sides got tired and the field was broken into the "attacking" and the "defending" halves of the team. Eventually, they played a long ball and got lucky, but Payne did make their striker pay for it with a decent tackle to get his pound of flesh for the goal. Schutte answered with a strike of his own--his first goal as a Ranger, too!--midway through the second half after anchoring the center midfield and working the right side enough to get close for a pop. 'Gers did an excellent job of making off-the-ball runs, exploiting space, and retaining possession. The game was wide open back-and-forth for the last twenty minutes, with Silverman making a few of his signature slide tackles to keep additional shots from not happening. I think someone even cracked wise, "Hey, Aaron, a few more tackles like that and we are going to make you a field player!" 'Hounds got a yellow card for dissent late in the match, but the overall mood was generally cordial and the final whistle welcomed by all, including the three Ranger supporters in attendance...Kendall Ingersoll, Toby Holstein, and Paddy's lady friend.

Losing to Wolfhounds = Not Gonna Happen

So another three points, no new cards, and a rousing Blue Monk Derby performance...that's a pretty good afternoon's work. Hey, here's a crazy thought...let's do it again next Saturday against CHA and get a new Streak of Awesomeness started? What do you think? Sound cool? Right on.

Match Summary:

RAN-Ingersoll (PK), 10'

RAN-Holstein, 15'

RAN-Burden, 20'

RAN-Payne, 30'

RAN-King, 40'

WOLF, 60'

RAN-Schutte, 70'

Halftime: RAN 5-0 WOLF

Discipline: WOLF (1) - Dissent

Attendance: 5-19, depending upon what time you counted

Next Match:

CHA CHA CHA 0/30 (0-5-1, 1 point) v FC77 Rangers (2-4-1, 7 points)

Saturday, 18 June, 2011

Gladstone High School

Gladstone, Oregon

8:00 a.m. KO

CHA has one point...from a tie with us.

They have only scored five goals this season...and three of those were against us.

I find this...NOT ACCEPTABLE.

Due to Technical Difficulties...

2011-06-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

...match summaries for Match Days #3, #4, #5, and #6 were not available. Specifically, technically we did not win, ergo, I found it difficult to write about them. But for the sake of future generations--or perhaps aliens from another planet who may seek out our planet as a source of natural resources or slave labor--who may peruse the electronic archives to learn more about what people did for recreation in 2011--or try to learn more about the species they have abducted en masse and thrown to work in their tyrannium ore mines--I humbly offer this abbreviated synopsis of the ill-fated matches against Hawks, Symmetry, Controlled Chaos, and FC PFA. Actually, it is just scores, scorers, and dates...'cause that is all I remember. Well, that and smelling like seagull shit after one of the matches.

Whatevs.

Match Day Three

FC77 Rangers 1 : 3 Hawks

Seriously?! Friggin' Hawks?!

(Gullung)

Sunday, 17 April, 2011

Devereaux Field, Vancouver, Washington

Match Day Four

FC77 Rangers 2 : 4 Symmetry

(Gullung, Radigan)

Sunday, 1 May, 2011

Rob Strasser Field, Portland, Oregon

Match Day Five

FC77 Rangers 1 : 2 Controlled Chaos

(Radigan)

Rob Strasser Field, Portland, Oregon

Match Day Six

FC77 Rangers 1 : 4 FC PFA

(Radigan)

Rob Strasser Field, Portland, Oregon

Match Day Seven

FC77 Rangers v KMA

Rescheduled to July 10th

Hey, at least we didn't lose!

Match Day Two: Comeback Kids!

2011-04-10T16:51:00.000-07:00

FC77 Rangers 3 : 3 CHA CHA CHA O-30

(Ingersoll 55' and 63'; Bennouri 65')

After getting sucker punched for three goals in the first twenty minutes, FC77 Rangers answered back with a wicked barrage of three goals of their own within ten minutes to earn a share of the points against CHA CHA CHA 0-30. The shortened match at Rob Strasser Field in Delta Park looked like a morning to forget for the Yellow and Black, but credit the renewed "never say die attitude" of the squad--and Manager Seanny's profanity-laced motivational tirade after the first goal--for an exciting six goal shoot-out.

Starting XI:

Silverman, Goalkeeper

Pullen - Calkins - Payne, fullbacks

Snyder, holding midfielder

Schutte - Bennouri - Muralt - Ingersoll, midfielders

Fahrbach - Youssef, strikers

Reserves: None

Not available: Bauman, Burden, Gullung, King, Radigan, Reyes, Seaton

Rangers welcomed back Thom "The Good Doctor" Fahrbach after a year long absence as well as Paddy Schutte, who had joined the squad in the winter. With the same defensive line available from last week, Fahrbach switched to the new role of second striker, filling in for King. Schutte took up Burden's position on the right wing, with Ingersoll playing on the left. The 3-1-4-2 formation was otherwise unchanged from last week's side that ran riot over Wolfhounds. With no substitutes on the bench and a shortened 80 minute match required due to the late start of the OPL match on the pitch prior to kick-off, 'Gers hoped to settle in to a comfortable rhythm of possession and wide play like last week. CHAx3 did not want to play that game, alas, and took advantage of a long ball down the near wing to break a striker through on a hero run after just ten minutes. Silverman rushed out to cut off the angles but the net was just too big and it was 0-1.

Still reeling from the unexpected strike, the orange-clad visitors found a second goal not long afterwards. A similarly uncreative solo run up the middle again found Silverman stranded. 0-2 after just a quarter hour. The match seemed over and done around the twentieth minute when Payne was adjudged to have committed a tackle from behind in the box, dropping the striker to his back. Match official Carlos showed no hesitation pointing to the spot and although Silverman correctly guessed the shot was going to be low and to his left, there was just enough power on it to send it past his outstretched gloves. 0-3 before most people had broken a drizzly sweat.

But as Manager Seanny mentioned to Calkins after the match: "I just never believed we were going to lose." And thus The Rally began. It began with little things--Snyder executing his 38th consecutive clinically perfect slide tackle to stop a run...a smart little series of three passes from Pullen to Bennouri to Schutte to circumvent a troublesome CHA midfielder when others would have blindly kicked it out of touch...a tidy lateral pass from Ingersoll to Muralt to get a shot from distance off and test the keeper...Fahrbach and Youssef working together to send Youssef through the line for another shot that required a CHA defender to wildly throw himself at the ball. The tempo started to pick up. 'Gers started winning 50-50 balls and working the side lines for a throw-in and then a corner kick. And then another corner kick. Payne would get forward as Calkins and Snyder smartly shifted left to cover him. There wasn't a single epic turning point in the first half that heralded The Rally, but as the bulk of play continued to hover around midfield, then creep into the orange half, and then more than occasionally end with a shot just off goal, it seemed to this reporter that the times they were a-changing.

With a halftime faster than Chuck Woolery could say "We'll be back in two and two!", 'Gers retook the pitch with a mission: Score quickly to turn the momentum. Despite having the wind in their faces, FC77 looked spry and wily from the outset, finding success on both sides. Snyder and the defensive crew managed to shut down the hero runs as well as expertly synchronize their line for at least three offsides calls. With the back nicely buttoned up, the midfielder stepped up and began to dominate the field of play, occasionally springing Bennouri through or finding the strikers in dangerous positions up high. Finally, after ten minutes, 'Gers got their reward. A forward surge by the middies and strikers saw Bennouri place a sweet, sexy ball behind their left back and into the hobbling run of Ingersoll, who was gimping his way forward with a bum right heel. Not wanting to waste such a gloriously set ball, he surged into the box and toe-punched it forward from fifteen yards out. The goalie flopped at it but couldn't keep it from finding the upper near post.

"YEAH!!! YEAH!!! GET THE [bleep!] BALL!!! LET'S GO RANGERS!!! GET THE [bleep!] BALL!!! C'MON!!!" Undoubtedly Wayne Rooney is smiling somewhere in Manchester as his motivational, profanity-laced tirade found its Yankee counterpart on the wet, chilly climes of North Portland. As the sides reset, Ingersoll barked: "LET'S GO RANGERS!!! PULL YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR [bleep!] AND PLAY SOME SOCCER!!!"

Play some soccer they did! A robust challenge on the CHA strikers after kick-off found the ball back in the orange half, as did another challenge when it came back, and again. 'Gers swarmed the ball wherever it went and not eight minutes later, the black horde surged forward again. Muralt took the ball into the box and then served it on a silver platter to the still-gimpy Ingersoll, who crushed it with the inside of his bum foot from just outside the corner of the six and into the same section of net to make it 2-3. More semi-intelligible roars of histrionic man joy ensued as the side barked for a third...and Bennouri obliged not two minutes later with a fantastic looping shot from outside the box that beat the keeper to the upper left corner. 'Gers went wild screaming for a match winner. CHA got a little snippy as they tried to stem the wave of momentum overwhelmingly in FC77's favor with several little incidents involving Snyder, Muralt and Pullen, ultimately forcing the referee to stop play and ask Pullen: "Do you want to play or what?" To which Pullen, to his eternal credit, responded: "Yeah I want to play but I don't a [bleep!]ing broken leg either!" He's not called Angry Mike for nuthin'! Boo-yah!

Silverman finished up the second half substantially less busy than the first, reeling in a corner kick and some errant through balls. 'Gers had a few chances to find a fourth in the last four minutes--notably, Muralt's shot from outside the box and Ingersoll's half-volley of a corner flashing over and wide of the upper right corner-- but The Rally was predestined to stop with three glorious goals and not four. An exciting finish and another point in the table keep Rangers undoubtedly near the top as the side prepares to travel to Vancouver for the long, LONG awaited rematch with the team whose forfeit cost us a shot at the championship last spring.

Match Summary:

CHA-10'

CHA-15'

CHA-(PK), 20'

RAN-Ingersoll, 55'

RAN-Ingersoll, 63'

RAN-Bennouri, 65'

Halftime: RAN 0-3 CHA

Discipline: None

Attendance: 14-36, depending upon what time you counted

Next Match:

Hawks (0-1-0, 0 points) v FC77 Rangers (1-0-1, 4 points)

Sunday, 18 April, 2011

Devereaux Field

Vancouver, Washington

10:00 a.m. KO

'Gers Spay 'Hounds in Opener, 6-0

2011-04-05T20:48:00.000-07:00

FC77 Rangers 6 : 0 Wolfhounds FC

(Muralt - PK 10'; Youssef 15'; Ingersoll 20';

Gullung 25'; King 28', 35')

FC77 Rangers announced their return to the GPSD O-30 Third Division with authority on Sunday, crushing rivals Wolfhounds FC 6-0 at Rob Strasser Field in North Portland. An almost flawless first half of soccer put the match out of reach twenty minutes after kick-off as the Yellow and Black cruised to their eleventh consecutive Blue Monk Derby victory. Cheered on by an enthusiastic trio of Junior Rangers, for the first time in approximately a year Rangers looked like Rangers...and it was friggin' dog-gone awesome.

Get it? Dog-gone awesome. Dog. Gone. Awesome. Get it? Of course you do.

Starting XI:

Silverman, goalkeeper

Pullen - Calkins - Payne, fullbacks

Snyder, holding midfielder

Ingersoll - Muralt - Bennouri - Burden, midfielders

Gullung - King, strikers

Reserves: Youssef

Not Available: Reyes, Nollenberger, Radigan, Fahrbach, Bauman, Seaton

The delayed 11:00 a.m. start, under the mindful auspices of match official Andy, showed promise for FC77 right from the beginning. Playing the outside wing game that earned them success in the previous spring campaign, 'Gers maintained an approximate 70% - 30% possession advantage over their opponents for the entire first half. Keeper Aaron Silverman touched the ball twice--both times for goal kicks. Muralt, Bennouri, and Snyder kept tight control of the center of the field, ably assisted by Pullen, Calkins and Payne, who all showed calm and collected control when the ball occasionally did reach their high line.

Charles Gullung's second foray into the box around the tenth minute found him tackled from behind and Referee Andy showed no hesitation pointing to the spot. Still recovering from...uh...man surgery, Gullung deferred the penalty kick to Muralt, who clinically dispatched the ball into the back left side of the net for an early lead. 'Gers doubled their advantage five minutes later when Bennouri--returning from a winter stint with FC77 PBR--turned the right back and flashed a quick box into the mixer. Ingersoll's shot ricocheted off the 'Hound central defense, eventually landing at Youssef's feet. The Ranger substitute blasted a shot from 9 yards out past 'Hound keeper's right side and with a joyous whoop, put the match all but out of reach.

But there was more. Oh, was there more. A smartly played arching ball from Bennouri just five minutes later dropped behind the Wolfhound left back and Capt. Seanny rushed wildly past to receive it. Smartly taking possession on the bounce about thirty yards out, the strikingly handsome manager turned into the box and, finding himself one on one with the keeper, blasted a shot back into the far corner for the third. This made Ingersoll very happy because he usually whiffs it and obligingly, he flashed the Ranger "Gangsta" sign to celebrate. This is important to note because in the thirtieth minute Bennouri turned the right back again and served up the most beautiful pass to a wide open Ingersoll on the six yard line. Instead of tapping it in, he ripped a shot over the bar in defiance of all known laws of geometry and physics. Crumpling to his knees in shame, Ingersoll will be mercilessly taunted until he scores again.

Gullung opened his Ranger account just a few minutes after that with a cheeky chip on the near post. Running onto another dangerous attack, Gullung (playing only for the second time with Rangers) beat the keeper and managed to pop the ball up and over the goalie. The ripple of the net signaled a fourth.

'Gers veteran King earned himself an inaugural brace in the next ten minutes. The first goal [King: Correct me if I'm wrong as you know I value my journalistic integrity] came off a thundering run through the middle and ended with a clinical finish to the near side, while his second in the 35th was a hustle play to rush onto the end of a widely slotted shot and put it back across the face of goal and into the net. Both goals were the result of some neat passing against a slightly blitzkreiged defense. Although he didn't get on the score sheet, Burden played his typical high energy game with several left-side runs and crisp passing with Bennouri and Muralt.

Ingersoll's half time team talk was essentially, "Let's give Silverman a clean sheet," and while 'Hounds continued to put up a spirited display and earn three or four shots in the second half, the Pullen-Calkins-Payne Axis held strong. Snyder stymied several closer-in attacking moves but was not required to execute his trademark flawless slide tackle. Silverman did slide out to meet a striker on a far run late in the match but the result was never in doubt.

Despite frequent attacks on the Wolfhounds net, a seventh goal was surprisingly not to be found. Youssef got a one on one midway through the half and was, like his captain, also unlucky to find the net. Not so easy after all, is it my friend? Eh? Gullung picked up a caution in the seventieth minute after exchanging words with the opposing keeper and...uh...aggressively giving him the ball. A steady flurry of shots and offside calls kept their defense busy until the final whistle and the six goal first half barrage proved to be the story of the afternoon.

"The boys looked sharp and we executed as well as we ever have in the first half," Ingersoll said after the match. "If we play like we did today every week, the results will go our way. And if we don't play like we that, I guess I start cutting people from the team. Ha! Just kidding. But not really."

Match Summary:

RAN-Muralt (PK), 10'

RAN-Youssef, 15'

RAN-Ingersoll, 20'

RAN-Gullung, 25'

RAN-King, 28'

RAN-King, 35'

Halftime: RAN 6-0 WFC

Discipline: RAN-Gullung (Yellow), 70'

Attendance: 10-ish. Kind of.

Next Match:

FC77 Rangers (1-0-0, 3 Points) v CHA CHA CHA 0-30 (0-1-0, 0 Points)

Sunday, 10 April, 2011

Rob Strasser Field, Delta Park East

Portland, Oregon

9:00 a.m. KO

Match Day One: FC77 Rangers v Wolfhounds

2011-03-31T14:46:00.000-07:00

SPRING 2011

MATCH DAY ONE:

BLUE MONK DERBY

FC77 RANGERS (0-0-0, 0 Points)

Wolfhounds FC (0-0-0, 0 Points)

After coming off a much improved winter season--with the exception of the Kells FC match, of which we will never speak again--'Gers kicks off the new spring O-30 Third Division season in fine fashion...with a Blue Monk Derby!

Will you be there to watch the return to greatness for the Yellow and Black? Season ticket packages still available! The first 100 fans will get a special commemorative Rangers Collectors item!*

FC77 Rangers v Wolfhounds FC

Sunday, 3 April, 2011

Delta Strasser Field - Delta Park East

11:00 a.m. KO

* - Commemorative Rangers Collectors item availability subject to said Commemorative Rangers Collectors item actually being produced. Terms of the Commemorative Rangers Collectors items are subject to change without notice. Does not include dealer's registration fee. Do not use a Commemorative Rangers Collectors item if you currently taking beta-blockers such as Propranolol, Metoprolol or Carvedilol as this may cause a dangerous drop in blood pressure. Consult your doctor before accepting a Commemorative Rangers Collectors item. Commemorative Rangers Collectors items should be collected for entertainment and not investment purposes. Commemorative Rangers Collectors items may not be available in all states. North Carolina residents please include applicable sales tax. Commemorative Rangers Collectors items may be produced in a facility that process nuts and dairy products. Commemorative Rangers Collectors items may include small parts unsuitable for children under 3. Be careful! The Commemorative Rangers Collectors item you are about to enjoy may be hot! I am a non-attorney spokesperson.

Spring 2011 Fixture List Released!

2011-03-17T20:59:00.000-07:00

The Spring 2011 GPSD Over-30 Third Division fixture list was released this evening and if this schedule

doesn't make you tingly in your nether regions, you are a heartless cyborg sent from the future to destroy humanity!

Which is geek-cool in some respects, but not at all germane to this blog post.

Wolfhounds FC!  Symmetry!  Controlled Chaos!  CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA!  Oh, and look...

our favorite no-shows from last spring, the Hawks and FC PFA.  Oh my...I feel all funny...like when I climb a rope in gym class!

Will you be there?  With not a single Portland Timbers home match conflict, you [bleep!] well better

be there!

Game # Date  Time  Home Team  Away Team  Field   
3302 Sun 04/03/2011 11:00 AM Wolfhounds  FC 77 Rangers  Delta Park Strasser  
3305 Sun 04/10/2011 9:00 AM FC 77 Rangers  CHA CHA CHA O/30 Delta Park Strasser  
3310 Sun 04/17/2011 10:00 AM FC 77 Rangers  Hawks   Devereaux Field  
3315 Sun 05/01/2011 1:00 PM Symmetry   FC 77 Rangers  Delta Park Strasser  
3320 Sun 05/15/2011 3:00 PM FC 77 Rangers  Controlled Chaos Delta Park Strasser  
3324 Sun 05/22/2011 3:00 PM FC PFA   FC 77 Rangers  Delta Park Strasser  
3327 Sun 06/05/2011 1:00 PM FC 77 Rangers  KMA    Delta Park Strasser  
3330 Sun 06/12/2011 11:00 AM Wolfhounds  FC 77 Rangers  Delta Park Strasser  
3333 Sun 06/26/2011 9:00 AM CHA CHA CHA O/30 FC 77 Rangers  Delta Park Strasser  
3338 Sun 07/03/2011 10:00 AM FC 77 Rangers  Hawks   Devereaux Field

Winter 2011 (Pre-)Season Wrap Up

2011-03-13T17:11:00.000-07:00

Winter 2011 (Pre-)Season Wrap Up

With the first winter season in the books and a fine third place finish under our belts--ahem!--I called in some favors and asked a few of the finest minds in the world of soccer commentary to analyze FC77 Rangers five match run.

Here is what they said.*

Bobby McMahon, Fox Soccer Channel analyst:

"I think when you look at the season as a whole, you have to say that Rangers have suffered from some inconsistency of form against sides they ought to have beaten and in the case of the Old Firm match against Celtic, they just--what? We're not talking about Glasgow Rangers? Then who are we talking about? What Rangers? FC77 Rangers? Who the bloody hell is FC77 Rangers? Is this some kind of bloody joke? Is Derek Taylor punking me again? I'll kick your bloody arse!"

Derek Taylor, Fox Soccer Report anchor:

"Big FA Cup results tonight on the Report, but first let's go to Portland, Oregon where--AAAIIIGGHHHH! Stop hitting me, Bobby McMahon! Oh, God, the pain! Not the teleprompter! Not the tele--!" [Interview cut short due to technical difficulties.]

Tommy Smyth, ESPN Champion's League Analyst and Absolutely the Worst Soccer Commentator Ever:

"The problem 'Gers suffered this season was not putting the ball in the old onion bag enough! And on corner kicks, they let the other team put the ball in the old onion bag too many times! If they can't put the ball in old onion bag more times than the other team puts the ball in the old onion bag, then there's--Argh!" [Interview cut short when manager Sean Ingersoll burst into the studio and kicked Smyth right in the old onion bag.]

Chris Berman, ESPN:

"Rumblin'! Fumblin'! Stumblin'! Bumblin'! Mumblin'! Crumblin'! What are we talking about again?"

Jim Rome, Rome is Burning:

"I hate soccer. [Bleep!] off. Next caller!"

John Spencer, Manager, Portland Timbers:

"The lads showed a lot of heart for not always having enough players. When I need a bunch of working class forty year old guys who never give up, I know where to look."

Charlie Sheen, Insane Guy (via Twitter):

"These WARLOCKS ROCK!! they shoot fireballs from THEIR FEET!! LOVE IT BROS!"

"THEY EAT TROLLS 4 BREAKFAST! im callin u out Hawwks!"

Chewbacca, Famous Wookiee:

"Ngrawwl! Hurk! Hurk! Rooaarrg! Rawhr! Rawhr! Hurp!"

[Translation: Ingersoll's insistence on a 3-1-4-2 for the majority of the season was, in retrospect, perhaps ill-advised as it did not allow the defensive line to take full advantage of the width of the pitch and instead allowed the fullbacks to be susceptible to the lobbed long ball. Of course, having a full complement of eleven players on the field and some substitutes would have helped, too, or failing that, I could have played holding midfielder while my colleague Tartuff acted as a sweeper to neutralize the delayed runner on corner kick set plays. Plus, wookiees are justifiably famous for their aerial prowess as well as ripping people's arms out. Sure, it earns the red card dismissal, but let's just say the other side is a little less eager to make the challenge after his teammate has just been mauled. Ha! Ha! I slay me!]

Well, that just about sums up the winter season, Rangers! Thanks to our guest commentators for their input and remember, "Parody, not libel!"

See you in the spring!

* Note: Some responses may be edited for brevity, content, or more than likely just plain made-up in their entirety.

Symmetry 1 : 1 FC77 Rangers

2011-03-13T16:17:00.000-07:00

Symmetry 1 - 1 FC77 Rangers

(Muralt 50')

The GPSD 2011 Winter (Pre-)Season concluded with a 1-1 tie between FC77 Rangers and familiar divisional opponent Symmetry on a wet but not overtly awful morning at Dick Baker Stadium, Gladstone High School. With raining falling before and immediately after the Match Day Five contest--but generally not during the hour we played--and both sides starting with only ten players, the teams finished the season with five points each and tied for third place in the O-30 First Division. Hey, at least we weren't last!

Starting X:

Payne, goalkeeper

Brian from Wolfhounds - Snyder - Brian Gaffney, fullbacks

Burden - Harris - Muralt - Ingersoll, midfielders

Dean Jones - King, strikers

Reserves:

Calkins, Calkins' Beard...The Veritable "Twelfth Man"

Not Available:

Bauman, Gullung, Pullen, Schutte, Silverman, Youssef

Due to the Shamrock Run, work travel obligations, recuperation from male medical procedures, and other life obligations reducing the roster to well under the necessary eleven, Ingersoll was required to bring on "guest players" Brian Gaffney and Den Jones. Both Gaffney and Jones are FC77 stalwarts from multiple teams, notably FC77 Hibernian and Newcastle. Their presence on the pitch was greatly welcomed as they both put in full shifts and definitely helped to keep the match from being another undermanned runaway...but that is the last reference I will ever make to the Sunday night massacre from last week. Brian from Wolfhounds also offered to stick around and play a second match and his efforts at the back right side were also appreciated as he did very well to neutralize the outside striker and keep control of the ball it was pinged back and forth in our end. Thanks, gentlemen!

Payne took over the keeper's gloves for the match, an impressive feat since he is still recovering from broken ribs. Despite the injury, Payne made several bold rushes off his line to intercept the inevitable long ball O-30 players send on bouncy turf pitches. Another scrapped together back line did a fine job keeping him from getting too busy, with Symmetry's only score coming from another dreaded corner kick play approximately twenty minutes into the first half.

Calkins and Calkins' Beard slid into the back line around the fifteenth minute, pushing Snyder up to his more familiar roll as holding midfielder. This enabled Jim to do what he does best every match, and that would be executing textbook-perfect slide tackles on breakaway strikers. Bearing the fruits of his labors (i.e., a nice bloody raspberry on the knees from one such challenge) as his scabby red badge of courage, he helped lock down the rear guard for most of the match and frustrated several menacing attacks, especially by that one guy who looked like Edgar Davids without the goggles.

Most of the match seemed to center around the middle of the pitch, with almost 85% of possession within 20 yards each side of the center line. Muralt and Harris commandeered the center of the squad and they had several good series of shorter passes and distribution to the wings. The typical Rangers style of "ball from middle, to wings, and then crossed back inside" started to reappear and 'Gers held a lot of possession and threatening attacks in the first twenty minutes...making Symmetry's goal against the run of play. Burden and Ingersoll both had a couple of good runs and many crosses into the mixer, but the goal was either too small or too far away for it to find net.

The Yellow and Black's equalizer came in the second half. Gaffney collected a loose ball, took it wide to the touchline, and arced a pass forward to Ingersoll. The skipper collected it on the line, turned upfield, and made a run down the sideline. Spotting Jones and King surging forward, he flared the ball across the center to Jones, who skillfully took control and made for the box. He was clattered over from behind just inside the "D" and earned 'Gers a free kick from a dangerous position. Muralt knew what to do next. After the wall was pushed back the requisite ten yards, he squared himself up and sniped a curling ball over the right side of the wall and just inside the far post of the net, beating the outstretched keeper. The final ten minutes was frantic as 'Gers looked for a winner, with King coming close off another dish from Ingersoll and Burden hitting a bouncing shot from the top corner of the box, but regrettably, victory was not to be had on the day.

Rangers first official winter season ever ended with a 1-2-2 record, some good goals, and an appetite for more football in the very near future...which is good, because the real spring season starts the first or second weekend in April. Some new faces were added the roster, we learned we never want to play Kells FC again (EVER!), and no long-term injuries were reported during the last five weeks, so there you go...

Match notes: Junior Rangers for the match were Ethan Snyder and Ashley Payne...Youssef came out to support the squad after having just run the Shamrock Run...Attendance for the day was estimated at ten, with that number increasing to a whopping thirty...of which most of those people were players for the O-50 match waiting to get on the pitch...Matt Muralt won the unofficial "Golden Boot" for the winter with his two goals...

FC77 Rangers 0: More Than 0 Kells FC

2011-03-13T13:56:00.000-07:00

FC77 Rangers - 0

Kells FC - A Lot More Than 0

Due to technical difficulties, there will not be a match report from the FC77 Rangers - Kells FC match played Sunday 6 March at Liberty High School.

Specifically, they were technically very good and we had a lot of difficulty stopping them from scoring after the 27th minute. That's what happens when you only have ten players.

A much more in-depth match report from the season finale with Symmetry to follow.

Wolfhounds FC 0:1 FC77 Rangers

2011-03-01T16:27:00.000-08:00

Wolfhounds FC 0 - 1 FC77 Rangers

(Burden 40')

'Gers recorded their first match victory in a freakishly long period of time against eternal rivals Wolfhounds FC at the now familiar confines of Dick Baker Stadium, Gladstone High School on Match Day Three of the GPSD 030/1st Winter (Pre-)season. Ron Burden's curving corner kick was the difference between the two sides in a closely pitted contest. It wasn't a classic Blue Monk Derby, but we'll take the three points nonetheless, ma'am...

Starting XI:

Silverman, goalkeeper

Pullen - Calkins - Payne, fullbacks

Snyder, holding midfielder

Ingersoll - Muralt - Gullung - Burden, midfielders

Switzer - Youssef, strikers

Reserves: Harris

Not available: Bauman, King, Schutte

After the official winter 2011 team picture was taken--because honestly, we get literally hundreds of requests for photos so our throngs of fans can get them autographed. Seriously--'Gers took to the pitch in their familiar 3-1-4-2 formation. Welcoming Snyder and Gullung into the side for the first match of the year, the Yellow and Black pressed the play from the start. Rushing down the field, former Wolfhound Switzer, playing for perhaps the final time as a Ranger, blasted an early shot past the left upright. A couple of throw-ins deep in the 'Hounds half of the field hinted at more chances and Ingersoll's drive from inside the box chipped past the right post. Youssef fought hard up front and often found himself battling multiple defenders for space or the ball.

The home side recovered their composure and started to put together some passes. Payne [Fun true fact: He was playing with a fractured rib!], Calkins, and Pullen were able to intercept any potential messes and Silverman aptly dealt with any balls that trickled through. Muralt looked dangerous from distance as the half wound down with a wicked shot that was headed just under the crossbar, but to their keeper's credit, he stretched big and got enough of his fingers on the ball to push it off the top of the frame and out of bounds for a corner kick.

After the interval the side went back to work through the middle, with Muralt, Gullung, Snyder and Harris all working hard to change up the play, make quick passes, or look for an outlet. The little bit of luck that has eluded us for quite a while finally came round ten minutes into the second half when Burden came across the pitch to take a corner kick. His kick was expertly delivered into the mixer and seemed to curve inwards just enough to make the goalkeeper nervous. The delivery found eyes for net and despite a valiant effort to punch it away, the ball splashed into the net for the only goal of the afternoon. "I'll take that!" Burden cheered as the sides reformed. 'Hounds put up a spirited bit of ball for the final twenty minutes and found a lot of possession in our side. Silverman roared out to make several sliding saves, eventually getting his clean sheet. A late series of shots had the home side screaming for a penalty, but match official Padman would have none of it and looked like he was giving serious thought to carding one of the more vocal Wolfhounds. 'Gers got a couple of more breaks, with Muralt and Ingersoll both letting fly from outside the box, but in the end it was Burden's blast from the corner that was the game winner.

Match notes...As mentioned, this was Switzer's last match as a Ranger...Attendance was estimated at ten, consisting mostly of joggers running along the track...Wolfhounds donned yellow pennies as the home side since both sides were wearing black...

Next Match:

FC77 Rangers v Kells FC

Sunday, 6 March, 2001

Liberty High School, Hillsboro, Oregon

7:00 p.m. KO

"Rangers vs. a Celtic replica wearing Kells...

A potential Rose City Old Firm in the making?"

FC77 Rangers Winter 2011 Official Team Photo

2011-03-01T16:16:00.000-08:00

FC77 Rangers - 0ver 30 First Division

Winter 2011

Official Team Photo

Back row, standing: Ron Burden, "Angry" Mike Pullen, Dan Calkins, Mohamed Youssef, Aaron Silverman, Charles Gullung, Dan C. Harris

Front row, kneeling: Jim Snyder, Matt Muralt, Sean-Scott Ingersoll, Roy "Ironsides" Payne, Bob Switzer

Not pictured: Brian Bauman, Ron King, Paddy Schutte

"We're bringin' sexy back."

FC77 Rangers 1:2 No Subs

2011-02-20T13:50:00.000-08:00

FC77 Rangers 1 - 2 No Subs

(Youssef 35')

Match Day Two reunited long-time rivals FC77 Rangers and No Subs to the turf pitch at Dick Baker Stadium, Gladstone High School for the early morning kick-off in the GPSD O-30 First Division. Both sides came off hard-fought draws in their respective openers ('Gers 2-2 Controlled Chaos and No Subs drawing 0-0 with Symmetry) to form the middle of the table and each were looking to improve on their previous result in order to keep up with league leader Kell's FC, a dominant 5-0 winner last week over Wolfhounds FC. In the end, however, the difference between a single point and nothing at all was reduced to a matter of inches. D'oh!

Starting XI: (Hooray! Enough players!)

Silverman, Goalkeeper

Pullen - Calkins - Payne, fullbacks

Switzer, holding midfielder

Burden - Harris - Muralt - Ingersoll, midfielders

King, deep striker

Youssef, high striker

Reserves: None (Boo! No subs--er, I mean, no reserves!)

Unavailable: Bauman, Gullung, Schutte, Snyder

Another dry, crisp, not unreasonably cold morning greeted the sides. 'Gers lined up in their preferred black strip--because it is slimming--while No Subs donned their newer maroons. Familiar referee Josh ("Lil' Vin Diesel") presided over the preceedings and got both sides underway at exactly 10:00 a.m. 'Gers got the first menacing look on goal with King blasting a shot past No Subs keeper Ricardo from inside the box, but his strike went just outside the post. No Subs countered with a run of their own that seemed to be offsides, but the sixteen year old linesboy kept his flag down and allowed the striker to dribble around Silverman, who had slid out to deny him, and shoot from about eight yards out...and miss. Wide left by less than 12".

Harris and Muralt battled fiercely for the central midfield as both teams preferred a long ball attack on the bouncy turf. Switzer, playing deeper than usual as a makeshift holding midfielder, worked well with Calkins to stop up short runs and allow the harder kicks to roll back to Silverman. Another Yellow and Black found King swing left to run onto Ingersoll's pass, hold up, and crack another shot at Ricardo. The keeper bumbled the collection and their central back rushed in to punt it away. It appeared the half would end scoreless until around the 25th minute mark when a No Subs corner kick routine was (in all fairness) nicely executed, with a delayed central runner finding his header into the upper right corner. Another was it or wasn't it? offsides no-call threatened to put the visitors up by two in just three minutes, but Calkins scrambled back just in time and kicked the ball past the far post to keep it a 0-1 match.

Determined to keep pressure on certain members of their suspect back line, 'Gers found their equalizer just five minutes into the second half. After King was fouled just inside the near sideline, maybe twenty-five yards out, Ingersoll dropped the free kick into the mixer around the penalty spot. After clattering off some heads in the box, the ball was cleared out to Pullen, who had pushed forward on the far side. He sent a beauty of a ball over the scrum and onto the forward rushing Youssef, who trapped it with his body and fired from inside the six. Hopelessly beaten, Ricardo could do nothing as 'Ger's striker smashed it to the right. 1-1 with plenty of time to find a go-ahead goal.

That go-ahead goal seemed to come just ten minutes later, when (Muralt?) loped a ball over back line and found Ingersoll hur-hobbling forward with as much urgency as his bum hamstring could muster. Ingersoll collected just left of the penalty spot and got the slightest chip on it before Ricardo could close the distance. With No Subs' back line screaming for offsides, the ball bounced casually back toward the goal.

Once.

Twice.

Three times, each consecutive bounce getting lower and slower...until on the last bounce it tinked off the inside of the far post and rolled mockingly slow back across the goal line. King and Youssef hurled forward to throw themselves on top of it, but the center back who had been protesting the least and realized the play was still live hurled himself into the goal as the ball continued its slow motion roll toward the netting...only to be violently expelled by a panicked kick from the No Subs defender. Youssef, King, Burden, and Muralt all screamed at the linesboy who was, in all fairness, on the line even with the post and theoretically in a position to see it, but a goal was not to be given.

No Subs continued to go long ball and found a break with ten minutes to play when a rush and a push and the ball that was theirs found the feet of an isolated striker. Silverman valiantly tried to wipe him out, but he was able to dish to the right. Unopposed, he almost put it over the bar, but still found net for the game winner. 'Gers bravely fought on and a late corner offered one final chance to equalize. Ingersoll roared for everyone to come forward [Editor's note: Next time we are down by one late in the game and have a corner kick, we should pull Silverman forward, too. Losing by two gets you as many points as losing by one and it would so cool for him to score.] Burden's corner streaked along the end line, bounced off a No Subs defender, might have bounced off the keeper or the post, and was haphazardly cleared through a mass of players to the top of the box. Eventually it rolled out to Payne, still forward to support the set play, and he dropped another pass into the mixer where several shots blasted off, well, everybody until eventually it was cleared out for good. Time soon ran out, leaving the good guys on the short end of the scoreline...by about less than the width of a goal line.

All in all, it was still a spirited performance. New player Dan Harris worked very well in the central midfield on his debut and props to Switzer for playing holding midfielder as is not the custom of his people. Next week against Wolfhounds FC, we should have a full complement to play--including people at their regular positions--and I am optimistic that our fortunes may turn around for the better.

Match notes...Attendance was estimated at 12, including Roy Payne's daughter as unofficial Junior Ranger and a bunch of random people running around the track...King, Muralt, and Youssef are currently tied for the Golden Boot, if that was an award we actually gave out...Team picture day was postponed because there was not eleven players to take a picture. It has been duly rescheduled for next week and will be taken if I have to Photoshop Muppets in to make a full strength squad...

Next Match:

Wolfhounds FC v FC77 Rangers

Sunday, 27 February, 2011

Dick Baker Stadium, Gladstone High School

11:00 a.m. KO - BE THERE BY 10:30!

Controlled Chaos 2 : 2 FC77 Rangers

2011-02-15T21:07:00.000-08:00

Controlled Chaos 2 : 2 FC77 Rangers

(Muralt 10', King 18')

'Gers kicked off their inaugural winter season with a respectable draw against familiar foes Controlled Chaos in Match Day One action in the GPSD Over-30 1st Division. Crisp, clear skies greeted the squads at Dick Baker Stadium in Gladstone for the 10:00 a.m. kick-off--because ironically, winter outdoor soccer weather is usually better than half of the fall matches--and the Yellow and Black got off to an impressive start, netting twice before twenty minutes had ticked off the clock. Chaos battled back to equalize with ten minutes left in the match, but Rangers held on to earn a point and announce they were no longer going to be the friggin' Over-30 doormat anymore...

Starting X (Yes, X. Ahem.)

Payne, goalkeeper

Pullen - Calkins - Ingersoll, fullbacks

Burden - King - Muralt - Switzer - Schutte, midfielders

Youssef, striker

Reserves: Brian Gaffney (yay!), Silverman

Not Available: Bauman, Snyder, Gullung, Harris

Ingersoll maintained his ongoing streak of losing the coin toss but the Yellow and Black still kicked off and maintained a fair bit of possession. Calkins and Payne--ably filling in as substitute goalkeeper while Silverman made his way to the pitch (he even has his own goalie shirt!)--marshaled the back line impressively, keeping the Chaos strikers at bay and forcing a lot of long passes that Payne was able to easily collect. Playing a modified 3-5-1 until friend of Rangers and former player Brian Gaffney just happened to show up early for the Newcastle-Old Nicks tilt at 11:10, he quickly took up a holding midfielder role and allowed King to push forward into his own preferred striker position. The ball rattled around the stacked midfields for most of the opening ten minutes until long distance sniper Muralt took a free kick from approximately 25 yards out and dropped a tricky bouncing ball through the mixer and into the back of the net. Youssef's whoop of victory signaled the first score and buoyed the collective spirits of the squad.

King doubled up the scoreline a scant eight minutes later when a break through the middle found (Switzer?) lob another bouncing ball back through the box. King hit the pass sweetly on the volley with his left foot and completely beat the keeper as 'Gers surged forward through the back line, making it 2-0. 'Gers finished out the half with comfortable play. New player Paddy Schutte did a great job battling on the left side and didn't hesitate to drop back on defense to help Ingersoll when the Chaos outside players tried to run the flank.

Payne moved to his more typical role as left back for the second half, allowing Silverman to mind the sticks. Chaos started to find their rhythm and more of the play, getting more mileage out of long balls and testing our defense. Chaos scored ten minutes into the second half off a well-executed corner kick play and equalized in the 50th [Note: winter season plays only 30 minute halves] when a sideline play appeared to be offsides, momentarily stymying the team when the linesmen's flag refused to go up. The resulting scrum in front of the goal involved several deflections and haphazard bounces before the ball stopped in the net. While 'Gers played demanded to know why the play wasn't offsides, match official Padman explained that the player offsides was not a part of the play and that the pass was made by a deep running midfielder who was onside, thus his eligibility.

Still sucked, but at least there was a reason.

Muralt fired a few more middle and long distance shots to find a winner and Chaos responded with two hero runs that looked very threatening. Silverman snuffed both forays out with monster legitimate slide tackles--not a fun thing on artificial turf--at the edge of the box and, in the second instance, a good distance outside the box. Both attacks ended with a striker sprawled on the carpet and somebody griping about a card that was not coming.

While most would probably see the draw as a bit of a letdown, a point against a team that beat us 3-2 last season and 6-3 in a fall 2008 championship isn't a bad result...especially since we've only had one team scrimmage and started with only ten guys. 'Gers return to Dick Baker Stadium next week for the always epic, usually chippy match against No Subs.

Next Match:

FC77 Rangers v No Subs

Sunday, 20 February, 2011

Dick Baker Stadium - Gladstone High School

Gladstone, Oregon

10:00 a.m. KO

Know Your Rangers, Part I

2011-02-07T10:31:00.000-08:00

"Know Your Rangers"

Part I of a Neverending Series

"I've heard that there is a Ranger 'gangster' symbol.

What is it, when do I flash it, and will I be shot

by rival street gangs if I do so?"

Submitted by: Someone Who is Not Sean in Beaverton, Oregon

Excellent question, Someone Who is Not Sean...if that is indeed your real name. The Ranger "gangsta" (not "gangster") sign is the goal celebration of choice for FC77 Rangers players. A unique but not over-the-top display of goal-scoring prowess, it was first flashed in the fall of 2011 when Manager Sean scored a wicked awesome goal against Controlled Chaos that beat the keeper from 16 yards out and banked off the inside far post into the net. Rather than freak out and uncontrollably scream excited profanities ala Tourette's Syndrome as had been his custom, Sean turned and displayed this symbolic hand gesture:

Exhibit A: Symbolic Hand Gesture

Some might say that this is nothing more than Nicolas Anelka's "flying bird" goal celebration, but those people would be incorrect. Please note the startling similarities between this hand gesture and the Rangers crest:

Exhibit B: Rangers crest

The thumbs are upraised, alluding to a "thumbs up" gesture of success and positivity, but they also look like the crossed sabers above. The outstretched fingers take on the form of outstretched wings, which can refer to soaring/taking flight/victory or perhaps obtusely refer to the mythological phoenix rising from the ashes of defeat. It should be also noted that the hand gesture does not literally mimic the star in the middle of the crest, because it is implied that after you score, YOU are the star of the moment. Just don't forget some love for the guy who fed you the awesome assist.

It is unlikely you will be shot by anybody for displaying this during a soccer match. Unlikely, but not impossible. It is hoped that there will be many, MANY occasions to flash the Ranger "gangsta" symbol during the winter 2011 campaign.

Until next time...KNOW YOUR RANGERS!

Preseason Friendly: Rangers 4-1 Wolfhounds FC

2011-02-07T09:03:00.000-08:00

FC77 Rangers 4 : 1 Wolfhounds FC

Duniway Park, Portland, Oregon

Attendance: 10...and some joggers

FC77 Rangers played their only preseason match of the Winter 2011 season on Sunday, 6 February against Wolfhounds FC and came away with a well-earned 4-1 victory. The match had originally been scheduled for PSU's Community Recreation Field for a 12:30 kick-off, but unscheduled turf maintenance sent the two teams to nearby Duniway Park for a good-spirited and lively seventy minute scrimmage. (Did you know that turf needs to be mowed or rolled? It's true, apparently.) Several new squad players debuted with Rangers, including Dan Harris, Paddy Schutte, and Charles Gullung and all made a positive impact on the afternoon. The Yellow and Black side also included guest players Tyler Shook and Jason Carney.

Starting XI:

Payne, goalkeeper

"John" from Wolfhounds - Shook - Pullen, fullbacks

Snyder, holding midfielder

Schutte - Harris - Carney - Gullung, midfielders

King - Youssef, strikers

Reserves: Ingersoll, Burden, Calkins

Not available: Switzer, Bauman, Muralt, Silverman

After a thirty minute delay to get to Duniway Park and stretch out, the match kicked off at approximately 1:00 p.m. with 'Gers in their typical 3-1-4-2 formation. Payne graciously stood between the posts as keeper and proved his keeper skills are not limited to the indoor style of play. Relatively unbothered for most of the match, Payne was only forced into a few collections and a couple of punches on corners. The back line proved stalwart and maintained good control of the ball when it got into our half. The Wolfhounds keeper pulled a hip muscle early on in the match and was soon substituted, forcing the new arrival to face a series of wing-inspired breakaways and touchline sprints down both flanks. Harris led a calvary charge ten minutes into the match that netted--if there had been nets, obviously--the first goal with Youssef (I believe) finishing a similar sequence shortly thereafter with a tap-in. Harris may have had a second, also (sorry Dan, I can't remember) and Snyder added the fourth in the second half after a quick throw-in from Shook on the near sideline.

More important than the goals, however, was the relatively good movement and passing the team exhibited for their first practice together. The field was boggy in spots, to be sure, but 'Gers seemed to knock the ball around well on a short pitch and really opened up the wings...much like our regular style of play.

With the regular season starting next Sunday at Gladstone High School, let's hope that ball control and movement translates to a good start on an artificial pitch.

FC77 Rangers Online: New and Improved! Well, Mostly Just New!

2011-02-07T08:10:00.000-08:00

An Important Message from FC77 Rangers

Some of you--and by some of you, I mean the four of you who actually check this website on a semi-regular basis--may have noticed that the usually timely, snarky, and generally all-around awesome updates for "The Greatest O-30 Recreational Football Club in the Greater Portland, Oregon Area" were a little nonexistent last fall. While that was in part due to a disproportionately high number of losses and a disproportionately low number of regular players, that is not an excuse for keeping our loyal handful of followers up to date on the latest and the greatest about the Yellow and Black. A lack of updates is inexcusable and not in keeping with one of the many unofficial Ranger mottos, particularly "Never Give Up." As such, swift and ruthless administrative action has been taken to ensure that sure a lapse in reporting never happens again. As of this morning, the squad issued the following statement:

"Due to a lack of the usual high quality--or, well, almost ANY posts--for the previous fall 2010 campaign, FC77 Rangers has announced that effective immediately, Sean Ingersoll has been sacked as manager. We thank Sean for his four years of faithful service, which saw the team go from 0-10 prior to his arrival to winning one division championship in 2008, two runners-up (also in 2008 and 2009), and getting royally shafted by finishing tied for top points in spring 2010 but not being allowed to play in the championship. However, an 0-8-2 season is not acceptable to a recreational football team of Rangers' stature and so a change must be made. I mean, we're not like Arsenal that keeps their manager on forever without ever winning anything!

"However, a change must be made and so it is with a heavy heart that we have released Sean from his contract. We realize that with the Winter season approaching February 13th, a quick replacement must be made in order to ensure a smooth transition and to keep Sven Goran Eriksson from getting too interested in the position. As such, after an exhaustive search process, we are proud to announce that a worthy successor has been tapped and has taken over the squad effective immediately. He is familiar with the squad's proud history and will help us move forward in a positive, ass-kicking direction. Please help us welcome our new manager to FC77 Rangers...

"Seanny 2.0: Same snarky bald guy, just more awesomer."

Seriously, people. Did you really think you were going to get rid of me that easily?

I'm back and my head is fully in the game. We had some struggles in the fall, but if you spend all of your time looking back, you get smacked in the head by what is coming up. Which is cool if you are into that kind of thing, but I'm not. Look for regular updates on this site regarding match results, new personnel, merchandise that we may or may not ever produce, etc. I'm even toying with the idea of introducing some fun new features to the site like "Know Your Rangers" and "The Full 95". "Know Your Rangers" will include random questions about the team, our history, and our general awesomeness. "The Full 95" is a total copy of the Portland Timbers segment where they take a player and ask a series of random rapid-fire questions while a stopwatch ticks in the background, only instead of 90 seconds we'll go for 95 because ladies, FC77 Rangers can go just a little longer than everybody else. Hubba hubba!

Stay tuned for more updates here at http://fc77rangers.blogspot.com, your one-stop source for all things FC77 Rangers on the internets!

FC77 Rangers 3 : 9 Salem Kickers

2010-09-17T12:13:00.000-07:00

FC77 Rangers 3 - 9 Salem Kickers

(Muralt 45'+, Switzer 55', King 60')

Well...shit.

Apologies for the uncharacteristic lateness and crudeness of this match summary. Seanny was not feeling the muse this week after the worst Rangers loss since he took over management of the team. Plus, I got a sweet new 50" Panasonic flat screen television and Blu-Ray last weekend and several times when I thought to myself, "Sean"--because I do refer to myself in the third person when I talk to myself--"you should really put up a characteristically awesome match summary. Sure, the result didn't go your way, but 'Gers' global audience in Scotland and the Netherlands is dying to know how Match Day One went for 'The Greatest Over Thirty Recreational Football Club in the Greater Portland, Oregon Area'." Then I would look over at the Panasonic proudly mounted on the wall and go, "Or, I could watch 'Saving Private Ryan' again." And inevitably, Adrian Carpazo would get shot by a sniper. In glorious digital sound. This was especially satisfying since a certain linesman I had suspended two years ago for being a dick finally resurfaced at the Montessori Earth School and since he looked like Vin Diesel, well...

I'm sorry. What was I saying? Oh, right, soccer.

First off, the pitch was glorious. Straight lines. Lush grass, recently mowed. Pretty day, all sunny and crisp without smelling like Tillamook after a flood or being infested with swarms of stinging insects. A big Ranger shout-out to David Porter and Mike Calder for the awesome field prep.

OK, second good thing. New guys! 'Gers welcomed Roy Payne and welcomed back Jay Johnson, who suited up for the first time since 2005 if I'm not mistaken.

Oh,wait, I'm supposed to put down the starting line-up. My bad. It's been a while.

Starting XI:

Silverman, goalkeeper

Payne - Calkins - Seaton, fullbacks

Snyder, holding midfielder

Burden - Muralt - Johnson - Ingersoll, midfielders

Foubister - King, strikers

Reserves: Pullen, Switzer

Right, where was I...? Oh yeah, we had three killer goals. Muralt dropped a lovely thirty-five yarder over the keeper and under the crossbar to get the scoring started in the dying moments of the first half. This rallied the team before half-time and with a tactical adjustment (from a 3-1-4-2 to a 3-1-5-1-ish) we looked pretty sharp. Switzer muscled himself onto the scorer's sheet with a hold-up ball that he turned and fired into the Division Street End goal. Then King scored ten minutes later after Ingersoll took a sweet lay-off from Burden, turned the Kickers' right fullback even as his shirt was being pulled the entire time, then flashed a right footed pass to the striker for his inaugural goal of Fall 2010. Fine scores, all.

Silverman made about twenty saves on the day and the defense was always scrapping for balls and to disrupt Salem's play. The score line is harsh, but the opposition was definitely on their game and looked as strong as they did last fall. Perhaps this year will be a "rebuilding" year for us. Perhaps many of my match summaries this season will segue into my new plasma television and how awesome "Avatar" looks.

Or maybe--just maybe--we write off Match Day One as a really bad day at the office, get our shit together, and kick some ass like we know we can for a greater part of the autumn?

I know which one I'd rather write about.

Next Match:

FC77 Rangers v. C.C.F.C.

Sunday, 19 September, 2010

Montessori Earth School

10:00 a.m. KO

Please remember to celebrate Seannukkah responsibly.

Rangers Player Transfer News - Updated

2010-09-10T14:33:00.000-07:00

FC77 Rangers today announced additional player transfer news in advance of the Fall 2010 O-30 Second Division season.

Players In:

Jay Johnson - Free Transfer

Rob Nollenberger - Free Transfer

With the inclusion of Johnson and Nollenberger into the squad, FC77 Rangers' roster is now at twenty. This may appear to be a lot of players for a recreational soccer team, but when youth soccer coaching conflicts, work travel, school, and other conflicts are factored in over the course of the season, 20 players on the roster = 14-15 players at the pitch on match day. I hope.

Fall 2010 FC77 Rangers Roster:

Bauman, Brian

Bennouri, Nabyl

Burden, Ron

Calkins, Dan

Foubister, Gary

Ingersoll, Sean-Scott

Johnson, Jay

Jun, Weon

King, Ron

Kirchhof, Chris

Muralt, Matt

Nollenberger, Rob

Payne, Roy

Pullen, Mike

Radigan, Aaron

Seaton, Jim

Sibanda, Bullie

Silverman, Aaron

Snyder, James

Switzer, Robert (Bob)

New players Roy Payne, Jay Johnson and Chris Kirchhof will play in Sunday's match against the Salem Kickers. Weon Jun and Rob Nollenberger are anticipated to debut the following week against C.C.F.C.

Match Day One Limited Edition Digital Postcard

2010-09-04T10:13:00.000-07:00

The Fall 2010 Limited Edition Match Day One Commemorative Digital Postcard for all (thirteen) of our fans. Guaranteed to be a collector's item!*

* - 'Cause probably very few people will want it!

Rangers Player Transfer News

2010-09-01T19:17:00.000-07:00

The international transfer window for football club signings may have closed on 31 August for the rest of the world, but 'Gers plays by their own rules! We are like Mel Gibson in the original "Lethal Weapon" movie: Wild...unpredictable...shooting first and asking questions later!... and eternally haunted by the nagging adage, "I'm getting too old for this s**t!"

Unlike Mel Gibson, however, 'Gers isn't crazy or racist or sexist or anti-Semitic.

I've totally lost my train of thought for this post build-up. Something about getting players outside the transfer window, which actually doesn't apply to us because we are a recreational soccer team. Never mind.

With just a week and a half until the epic awesomeness of Match Day One, "The Greatest O-30 Recreational Football Club in the Greater Portland, Oregon Area" continues to firm up their roster in anticipation of the coming season. Here is a recent summary of player activity to date:

Players In:

Weon Jun, striker - Free transfer

Chris Kirchhof, midfielder - Free transfer

Roy Payne, defender - TAFC (Fourth Division - Open)

Players Out:

Andre DeBar, defender - FC77 Hibernian (O/40)

Thomas Fahrbach, defender

Hanny Freiwat, midfielder - FC77 Hibernian (O/40)

Brian Gaffney, midfielder/defender - FC77 Hibernian (O/40)

James McConnachie, striker

Manager Sean's efforts to acquire Robinho from Manchester City were rebuffed at the eleventh hour when AC Milan signed him.

And when Manager Sean realized he wasn't thirty years old and thus not eligible to play for 'Gers.

And he is kind of a head case.

Stay tuned to http://fc77rangers.blogspot.com for all the latest transfer news!

Fall 2010 Fixture List Released

2010-09-01T18:57:00.000-07:00

GPSD (after some delay) finally released the Fall 2010 schedule. Every week is Super Sunday this season as 'Gers battle in their most epic campaign ever!

Highlanders...Rogue nation FC...Lagers Legends...FC Hut Old Boys...No Subs...Pizza Mia Griffins...Controlled Chaos...new squad C.C.F.C...all book-ended between home and away matches with the Salem Kickers.

There are no easy matches. This season Rangers play with the Men, not the Boys.

Good thing we have a really big [bleep!]ing banner!

Season ticket packages are still available. Contact Manager Sean for your tickets today!

Fall 2010 - O/30 Second Division Schedule

Game Time	Match	Home	Away	Field
Sun 09/12/10 10:00AM	3202	FC 77 Rangers	Salem Kickers	Montessori
Sun 09/19/10 10:00AM	3206	FC 77 Rangers	C.C.F.C.	Montessori
Sun 09/26/10 02:00PM	3212	FC 77 Rangers	Highlanders	THRC 2
Sun 10/03/10 10:00AM	3218	No Subs	FC 77 Rangers	Montessori
Sun 10/10/10 10:00AM	3224	FC 77 Rangers	Rogue Nation FC	Montessori
Sun 10/17/10 10:00AM	3230	Controlled Chaos	FC 77 Rangers	Montessori
Sun 10/24/10 10:00AM	3235	FC 77 Rangers	FC Hut Old Boys	Montessori
Sun 10/31/10 02:00PM	3239	Lager Legands	FC 77 Rangers	Gladstone HS
Sun 11/07/10 10:00AM	3243	FC 77 Rangers	Pizza Mia Griffins	Montessori
Sun 11/14/10 12:00PM	3247	Salem Kickers	FC 77 Rangers	North River Rd

Spring 2010 - Goal Scorers

2010-07-17T09:02:00.000-07:00

Spring 2009 Scorer's Table

Radigan, Aaron 9

McConnachie, James 5

Burden, Ron 4

Sibanda, Bullie 3

Ingersoll, Sean 1

King, Ron 1

Muralt, Matt 1

Switzer, Bob 1

Forfeit goals 2

Spring 2009 Goalkeeping - Clean Sheets

Silverman, Aaron 2 (FC Hut Old Boys, No Subs)*

* - Forfeit wins against Hawks and FC PFA denied Silverman the opportunity for two more shutouts

Rangers Stake Their Claim to Awesomeness

2010-07-07T15:47:00.000-07:00

There are many ways to proclaim your awesomeness in this world.

You can vocally proclaim, "I'm awesome!" It gets the job done but it may come across as a little needy.

You can date a super model...which is indeed awesome, but honestly, will it last? Does she have "Daddy issues?" And do you really want Perez Hilton blogging about you? (The answer: No. Nobody should ever want to have Perez Hilton do anything to/about/because of you.

Or...you can get a really big [bleep!]ing banner.

Rangers have chosen the latter.

Thanks to the covert and totally awesome efforts of 'Gers defenders Dan Calkins and Brian Bauman, "the Greatest O-30 Recreational Football Club in the Greater Portland, Oregon Area" has just staked our claim to eternal glory...and it is a really big stake. (Chicks dig the big stake, too.) Manager Sean arrived home after another fine day of architectin' to find a new 16'-0" foot Rangers banner proudly flying in his front yard. The installation is all the more impressive because Kendall and my mother-in-law were home the entire time and didn't notice a thing. Rangers are part ninja, you know...that's why we wear black.

The huge sail fin is black with the new Rangers crest at the top. Beneath it, the words: "QUONIAM NOS ES AWESOME, UT EST QUARE!" [Literally translated: "Because we are awesome, that is why!" At least, that's what it says according to an online English to Latin translator. All you fancy pants classically educated folks can politely keep it to yourself if it doesn't actually say that.]

It's big. It's bad. And it can be seen from over two blocks away! I'm writing this in the second story of my house and I'm looking even with it!

Look for it to fly proudly all next season when Rangers don't get hosed by goal differential because of lame forfeit wins and march toward the post-season with the fury of a thousand scorned super models!

"Damn the CCRs, this is my team!"

The Final Word on Spring 2010

2010-07-02T17:26:00.000-07:00

From an email sent Friday, July 2, 2010 at 5:50 a.m. from Manager Sean to FC77 Rangers:

Gentlemen,

As a follow-up to my email(s) yesterday regarding whether or not Rangers qualified for the championship match, I was in contact with GPSD via email for most of the morning to determine our post-season status. There is a section in the Rules of Competition that talks about forfeits and their effect on final standings. I’m sure many/most of you have looked this up already. It reads:

“Wins by forfeit. Teams will not receive credit for any "goals scored" in a forfeit win. No team may break a tie in the standings if they have a better goal differential caused by a regulation win with "goals scored" against an opponent, while the team they are tied with was required to take a forfeit win against the same opponent, with no credit for "goals scored".”

I read this a couple of different ways, so I emailed Terry and asked him to give me a ruling as to what this means. Here is his response:

“Sean I am sorry your team did not make the final it was very close between the three teams. I want you to know that the rules state that if teams are tied at the end of the season and a team won by forfeit and received no goal differential then the other teas/teams receive no goal differential. I did go over the scores and this is what I came up with.

Game 3220 FC Hut 4 – 2 Hawks

Game 3254 FC Hut 1 – 0 FC PFA Less 3 gives them a +13 goal differential

Game 3205 Lagers 2 – 0 Hawks

Game 3233 Lagers 3 – 0 FC PFA Less 5 gives them a +14 goal differential

I know if you could have won these two games 3 – 0 then you would have had 6 more goals and you would have had a +18.”

Unfortunately, his calculations matched the numbers I also determined. Rangers final goal differential at the end of the season was +12. I am very sorry, guys, but we missed the championship by a single goal.

Hut and Lagers do get promoted to the O-30 First. I believe FC Rogue and Goodfoot FC get the drop. I know I’m supposed to end on a big “Rah! Rah! Rah!” note, but I’m too bummed right now and I just don’t have it in me. Again, I’m really sorry. You guys totally deserved the post-season for the fourth time in five seasons.

Sean

Rangers...Fall season kicks off in just over two months.

We have something to prove.

We have some hardware to reclaim.

And we have some serious ass to kick.

See you in September.

FC77 Rangers 2:1 Lager Legends

2010-07-02T16:44:00.000-07:00

FC77 RANGERS 2 - 1 LAGER LEGENDS

(Radigan 80', Burden 87')

From the previous match summary, you might have correctly surmised that Manager Seanny is more than a little distraught at the turn of events that caused 'Gers to not be eligible to play for the Divisional Championship. One word: Forfeits. Forfeits deny us the opportunity to achieve the maximum goal differential of +3 against vastly inferior opponents and ultimately hurt our standing in the table. This is how a team can go on a nine and a half match unbeaten streak, finish with 25 out of a possible 30 points tied for first place in a newly promoted division, and not lose to either of the post-season bound squads...and still not play for a chance to hoist aloft the trophy.

Due to muddled scheduling issues caused by the flooding at the Montessori Earth School, the unavailability of West Sylvan Middle School, frisbee players at Delta Park on June 29th, and a father's refusal to disappoint his daughter by not taking her to see the epic Timbers-Sounders FC US Open Cup clash at PGE Park on June 30th, Manager Seanny was not at the spring 2010 season curtain dropper. As such it would be very unorthodox for him to write the match summary since he had no participation in the now historic event.

Unorthodox, but not totally beyond his albeit awesome powers of wordsmithery.

Instead, the math reports--oh yes, we're going plural, baby!--are brought to you by two people who did actually bear witness to the events of 30 June, 2010 on the sun-kissed plains of Delta Park #1...Ranger central defender/bad boy Brian Bauman and interim manager for the evening Jim Snyder. First up, Brian Bauman:

Starting line up-this week: It doesn’t matter who played or who was there, this match was about the TEAM (and for the record I don’t remember).

We knew early on this was going to be The Match. We were never truly looking ahead...but we all knew. The soccer gods had their own ideas for the outcome of the Spring 2010 season.

However, Rangers don’t always listen that well.

After multiple time switches, unsatisfying wins due to games forfeited by teams whose man cards should be revoked, the Rangers final match of the season would be one that could be marked as an epic win for "The Little Team That Could".

But I am jumping ahead...

As the Rangers scrambled to prepare for this match that meant nothing to the standings of GPSD, each Ranger knew this game mattered. Yes, soccer gods, this game mattered.

As fill-in manger Jim Snyder put the Rangers on the field, there was no pep talk, no cheer. Just "Game on!" The Rangers started the match looking directly into the sun which led to a few tense moments as the back line worked to recover missed balls coming from the large orange globe in the sky. The fullbacks worked to recover from early mistakes, sending the Lagers' (not Legendary) attacks back from where they came and utilized the "bend-don’t-break" attitude and helped to keep Aaron’s sheet clean for the first half. The midfield and strikers did well to work the counters up the sidelines creating some scrappy opportunities in the first half. At the end of 45 the score line was 0-0.

Half time came and went. Again the fill-in manager used his crafty motivational style, telling Rangers players: “...Ah...just get out there where you think you should play”. Another 20 minutes of back and forth play showed several opportunities to score by both sides, only to be sent packing by strong defensive play.

Then it came, cross, volley, score. Rangers are down one. This was not the end, this was actually the beginning, because a Ranger never gives up. The cries of “let’s go!!!” rang out from all parts of the field. Ten more minutes of back and forth before one of GPSD’s top goal scorers (and Rangers very own) Aaron Radigan brought down a cross from one of our Super Awesome wing players--sorry don’t remember who!--and slotted the equalizer just inside the post. Tie game! Tie game! The momentum had shifted. Both sides continued to work the side lines looking for crosses. Then with three to go it came in the run of play down the right side: Bennouri passed to King, King put the ball in the air to the back post for a spectacular volley from Burden...GOOOAAAAAL!

Rangers up 2-1. For five or so tense minutes the Rangers locked down the hammer defense with ample help from the midfield. When the final whistle blew it was Rangers 2 Lagers 1.

When the final whistle blew we all knew--Are you listening soccer gods?--that it mattered. This was the final game of a glorious campaign by the Rangers. New logo, new kits, 8-1-1 season, beat or tied the two teams going to the finals. You know it and they know it, Rangers are the ones who deserve the chance to play for the Cup. We proved that much on a beautiful summer day.

Ranger supporters totaled exactly two: The lovely Mrs. Bauman, deciding there wasn't a better way to spend her birthday than to watch the "Greatest Over 30 Men’s Team in the Greater Portland Metro Area" and I believe Bullie’s friend. Let me also just take this opportunity to add that Seanny is the greatest recreational football club manager ever and I would follow him into the bowels of hell itself if he told me he needed a substitute central enforcer to play against the Legions of Darkness because frankly, I've always wanted to go double studs up into Beelzebub. I hear he is a total ball hog. [Editor's Note: Last paragraph edited for content and umm, maybe tone...and I might have made some of it up. Ahem.]

Our second report is courtesy of interim manager for the afternoon, Jim Snyder:

The sun was hot that day, my friends. Traffic on I-5 was slower that a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. 9, 10, then 11 players showed up to the pitch, [SECTION DELETED] we had 15 at kick off. Dan left to play with his other team thinking we were in good hands. The nets were put up with 2 minutes to spare.

As the home team we were to let the other team call the coin toss. My secret weapon: My daughter. I had her put on the reto-2009 junior rangers jersey and come out as my lovely assistant. The ref bought it and let us call heads…

We lost the coin toss.

That was my first and only bad management decision of the game.

The sun was in our eyes for the 1^st half – but that did not sway us.

Starting XI:

Silverman, goalkeeper

Brian - Mike - Hanny, fullbacks

"James McConnachie", holding midfielder

Matt - Radigan - Sibanda - Burden, midfielders

"Gary Foubister-ish" - King, strikers

Reserves: Snyder, Andre, Bennouri, someone else

At the half it was still 0-0 but they has plenty of opportunities on their end but forgot about our keeper stopping everything – even with sun spots in his eyes…

The first goal was scored by their team at around the 60^th minute. At that point, I gathered up the team and said “I just talked to Sean on the phone and this is what he said to me…”

“I've got to go, Jim. It's all right. I'm not afraid. Some time, Jim, when the team is up against it, when things are wrong and the breaks are beating the boys, ask them to go in there with all they've got and win just one for the Seanster. I don't know where I'll be then, Jim. But I'll know about it, and I'll be happy...” [Editor's note: I totally said this!]

Well gosh if Radigan did not answer the first call at the 80^th minute kicking one in (I have no clue about the goal – help!)

The final blow came when Ron King selflessly crossed the ball to Ron Burden who hammered into the back on the net with 5 minutes to go.

Matt at the 90^th minute made a great chest save to stop the equalizer goal.

For my management prowess the team carried me off the field "Rudy" style... [Editor's note: Hey! How come you never carry me off the field!? Wah!]

FC77 Rangers 1:0 FC PFA

2010-07-02T16:13:00.000-07:00

FC77 Rangers 1 - 0 FC PFA

Forfeit

With the second forfeit win of the season and the opportunity lost to play for the necessary +3 goal differential in order to surpass FC Hut Old Boys in the table (based upon goal differential), FC77 Rangers mathematically lost out on the chance to play for the O-30 Second Division Championship.

This is only the second time in the last five seasons that ‘Gers will not be making a post-season appearance.

Hey FC PFA: FUCK YOU.

Final Match:

FC77 Rangers vs. Lager Legends

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

Delta Park #1

7:00 p.m. KO

FC77 Rangers 4:0 No Subs

2010-06-21T18:16:00.000-07:00

FC77 Rangers 4 - 0 No Subs

(Burden 15', 65'; King 30'; Sibanda 75')

The Hatfields vs. the McCoys. Batman vs. the Joker.

The Federation vs. the Borg.

Guys who love cute, furry puppies vs. guys who don't love cute, furry puppies.

FC77 Rangers vs. No Subs.

It's just that big.

After seasonal rains and a plethora of recreational football matches reduced the Montessori Earth School into an Everglades-like bog of muck and standing water, sans the alligators and manatees, the long-awaited and much ballyhooed match up of new old rivals FC77 Rangers and No Subs took place at West Sylvan Middle School. A late afternoon kick-off on nearly the longest day of the year ensured plenty of daylight as 'Gers sought to make amends for a string of three consecutive losses to the No Subs dating back to the Spring 2009 inaugural match. With almost 40% of the squad unavailable due to work, vacation, and children's tournament obligations, the Gaffer was a little concerned about fielding a full squad...but the thirteen Rangers who showed up were in a vendetta kind of way and owned the field as though we were playing with all twenty players at once.

Starting XI:

Silverman, goalkeeper

Fahrbach - Calkins - Gaffney, fullbacks

Snyder, holding midfielder

Bennouri - Radigan - Sibanda - Burden, midfielders

Ingersoll - King, strikers

Reserves: Freiwat and Seaton

Feeling pretty yet again in the new black kits, 'Gers lined up in our familiar 3-1-4-2 against a No Subs side that actually had some substitutes. Referee Oscar ("Don't Play the Offsides Trap!") got the proceedings underway promptly at 6:00 p.m. and 'Gers started stringing together a few passes right from the start. Finding success on the wings, FC77 went wide while the opposition started out with several balls up the middle, only to be shut down by the excellent "defensery" of the Gaffney-Calkins-Snyder-Fahrbach (and later Seaton) Axis of Not Evil. King and Ingersoll started getting some good bounces and made the sprints deep into the box, only to miss out on a final killer pass or shot. As play developed and the wingers also got forward in numbers, the crosses started coming in with more regularity. Radigan and Sibanda asserted their authority over the central midfield and both broke up No Subs possession as well as serviced the forward forays, eventually getting closer and popping a few shots of their own. One such surge into the box ended with Radigan being hacked down from behind and with referee Oscar ("Kind of a Crap Shoot When I Blow the Whistle") quick to toot his own horn, 'Gers leading scorer found himself at the charity spot for a penalty kick.

Radigan slotted right and the keeper, to his credit, made a good lunge to parry the shot out around the post. Either on the ensuing corner kick or another one immediately thereafter, Ingersoll served up a juicy slice of set play goodness. The ball loped into the mixer on the opposite side of the penalty spot and dropped to Burden's feet, who showed little hesitation to pull the trigger and fire the ball back through the assembled players and into the net. 1-0 after a quarter hour.

'Gers started finding more possession at both ends of the pitch. My recollection was that Silverman wasn't overly bothered for most of the first half--but do tell me if I'm incorrect--and smartly played No Subs' over hit long balls into his clutches. Gaffney, recovering from injury, showed no signs of being slowed down as he repeatedly turned the corner again and again to deliver long sideline balls to Bennouri...who in turn generated several good runs and link-up plays himself. I believe one such release sent King barreling through their fullbacks and toward the keeper. No Subs' central defender pulled his shirt in an attempt to slow him for a good fifteen yards--it was like watching a dragster chute deploy at the end of a funny car race. King's shot went just wide right and Oscar ("Squirrel!") apparently saw nothing wrong in the act, leading me to believe he and Koman Coulibaly were classmates in Refereeing 101.

King would get his redemption a few minutes later. Scampering onto a left side thrust into the box, the striker found himself pulling free of his markers just outside the six and with only the keeper to beat, fired a sharp angle worm-burner towards the far post that just eluded the diving stickminder. King's shot found nothing but the inside of the side net and doubled up the score, much to the frustration of the opposition.

Freiwat subbed on and also found himself on a hero run as the defense chased after him. Radigan, Sibanda, Ingersoll, and Burden all found looks at the net but the half ended at 2-0 with spirits high.

"One more goal," Gaffney said. "One more goal to crush their spirits!"

Okay. The second half started with a minor kick-off snafu, but soon returned to the familiar pattern of pass-pass-send the striker on his way Route One. Ingersoll quickly found himself the beneficiary of one such beautiful pass and bolted into the box. The woodwork loomed large and the handsome manager planted for a lethal deathblow when--KABOOM!--he was savagely thrashed from behind deep in the box. With the pained roar of the "f-word" echoing through the West Sylvan hills, Ingersoll won the second penalty of the night from Oscar ("That's the Way, Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh, I Like It, Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh") and hobbled to the spot.

Carefully choosing his spot, Ingersoll let fire a wicked stinger that, um, that...was...expertly deflected by the lunging keeper,"Matrix-style" in slow-motion bullet time. Truly, it was the greatest penalty save in the history of the game. Not even Van der Saar could have made such a...such a...um, awesome...save. Oh, hell. I effed it up but good. I launched it so far over the crossbar PDX actually tracked it on their radar for a good portion of a minute and scrambled a pair of F-15s to intercept. I could say that my leg still stung from being hacked but truthfully, I just wanted to "announce my presence with authority" and bust one hard into the net. Alas. Let us move on to the part of the story where Burden scores a killer goal.

The Part of the Story Where Burden Scores a Killer Goal: Maybe five minutes later, 'Gers go marauding down the right sideline and fire a wicked cross/shot across the face of the No Subs goal. The defense missed it, the keeper was out of place, and with it rolling out of play, Ingersoll runs onto it, smartly thinks against shooting ever again, and turns it back to the edge of the box looking for another lob into the mixer. Burden had other ideas and screamed for the ball. Unmarked near the sideline, maybe thirty yards from the posts, Ingersoll slotted a pass back to him thinking he would take the cross, but oh no. Burden popped a gracefully arcing drop shot over everybody. The keeper scrambled for position but I think he knew when the shot was at its apex he was in trouble. The ball splashed down just underneath the crossbar and past his gloved fingers for the third of the night. Burden gave himself a well-deserved "touchdown!" arm gesture, arguably his finest goal since he joined the club.

Silverman eventually found a few crosses to smack away and there was a spell when No Subs seemed to have a lot of corners for us to clean up. There was also a dramatic sliding save off the toe of the striker and a rolling clutch as the minutes went on to add to his Greatest Hits collection. Wasn't there one off the top of the woodwork, too? I choose to believe there was. Still, the defense held firm and even when Fahrbach seemed to get body-slammed but no call from Oscar ("I Wonder What I Shall Have for Dinner?"), Seaton or Snyder slotted in comfortably and the next verse was the same as the first.

The final goal, Bullie's third of the season (I believe), was also pretty fine. Ingersoll picked up a tidy pass from the back line and turned it back to the middle to King, who left-footed it forward. Sibanda took the through pass, outmuscled the trailing back for position, and then mightily chipped the keeper from just inside the box to finish the scoring. 4-0. The last fifteen minutes hinted at another goal, but as several No Subs players left early, the match finished around 7:40 with another 'Gers win.

All in all, it was a fine, satisfying result. It's not often that a team can expertly save two penalties--well, expertly save one penalty and watch bemusedly as the other goes into low geosynchronous orbit--and still be soundly defeated. 'Gers showed good possession, control, steely defense and opportunistic finishing, all critical as they go into the final two matches of the season.

Match Notes...Attendance was a heart-warming 17, with many Junior Rangers in attendance and expertly watched by several spouses on the sidelines...This was the first match 'Gers has played at West Sylvan Middle School...I may have seemed like I was picking on the official in the above match summary, but when both sides independently say "This guy doesn't call anything!" well, then, you have to wonder...

Next Match:

FC77 Rangers vs. FC PFA

Sunday, June 27th, 2010

Montessori Earth School

4:00 p.m. KO

Note: Due to MES storm damage, this may change,

depending upon pitch recovery.

Watch your emails this week for details!

FC77 Rangers v Highlanders

2010-06-14T16:07:00.000-07:00

FC77 Rangers - Highlanders

Match Highlights

The only thing better than seeing yourself on video is seeing yourself on video...in high-definition! Here are the long awaited video highlights from Match Day #7 against the Highlanders.

The music is...aw, hell, I don't even remember. It's some sanitized, licensed nonsense approved by Warner Music Group because Muse's "Uprising" is not allowed to be used in fan favorite videos. I got censored by The Man. Whatever. You're watching the video for the on-field action, not the delightful musical soundtrack that I so painstakingly added...only to be crushed by the corporate music industry.

Grrrr...

Videography by the always lovely Becki Ingersoll.

Montessori Earth School - Pitch Closure

2010-06-13T18:39:00.001-07:00

Montessori Earth School

Pitch Closed Until Further Notice

Heavy rains on Sunday, 6 June and a large number of scheduled matches have forced the Montessori Earth School pitch to be closed indefinitely. The field has been deemed unplayable by the groundskeeping staff...but, having noticed it smelled like a latrine during the match against Highlanders, you probably aren't that surprised by this announcement. Matches against Lager Legends and No Subs have been tentatively rescheduled for West Sylvan Middle School. Players should check their emails for new match locations, times and dates.

FC77 Rangers 3:2 Highlanders

2010-06-06T12:10:00.000-07:00

FC77 Rangers 3 - 2 Highlanders

(Sibanda 15', Radigan 25', Switzer 35')

Match Day Seven looked a lil' somethin' like this...

Based upon the team names alone, this one was destined to be epic! In the inaugural clash of killer Scottish team-inspired mascot images featuring bad-ass dudes with really gigantic swords, only one side would leave the field victorious. The only way to defeat an immortal from the north is to cut the head off...or, score three really brilliant goals in quick succession and then hang on for dear life in the second half. FC77 chose the latter.

Starting XI:

Silverman, goalkeeper

Fahrbach - Calkins - Seaton, fullbacks

Burden - Radigan - Sibanda - Muralt - Freiwat, midfielders

Switzer - Ingersoll, strikers

Reserves: We don't need no stinking reserves! Well, actually we really did, but we didn't have them, so...whatever.

Glorious temperatures in the mid-70s greeted both sides at the Montessori Earth School, but frequent spring rains and constant match scheduling left the pitch in ragged condition. Honestly, it smelled like a tidal basin at low tide or perhaps Tillamook County two days after a flood. Dem's powerful stinky! Once the burning in your eyes subsided, 'Gers came out for the second match in a row in their sexy black away kits and were tasked by their manager to come out with more vigor and urgency than against Bridgetown. Responding accordingly, FC77 went right to work with the short passing game down the outside...and found that their opponents did much the same thing! With identical tactical strategies in play, the difference was to be made in the individual efforts of the players. While 'Gers looked threatening from the get-go, it was the Highlanders who took first blood when a breakaway along the far sideline yielded two shots on Silverman. The keeper was able to smash the first one away, but the poor field conditions sent the ball back to the feet of the striker and a second rebound shot proved net-bound. 0-1 after just ten minutes.

Undaunted, FC77 continued their scrappy style of play and soon found a good percentage of the possession in the Highlander's end, defending the Division Street End. While the wings were promising, the equalizer was found when Muralt clipped a medium-distance pass to Ingersoll, who turned and chested it down just outside the top of the box. Back to the goal, he found Sibanda flashing towards the middle and dropped off a tidy ball to him which he hit first-time. The shot careened off a central defender and caught the keeper flat-footed as it skittered just inside the right upright. 1-1 after fifteen minutes.

Newly flush with momentum, 'Gers went back to work and again found inroads toward the goal. After referee Antonio called Highlanders for a free kick approximately 20-25 yards from the goal, Muralt stepped up and arced a dangerous free kick over the wall. It was looking goal-bound as it arched toward the upper right corner, but just to make sure, Radigan crashed the six yard box and bashed the shot home past the keeper with an authoritative header. In just ten minutes 'Gers had gone from a goal down to a goal up and were passing with some confidence.

The third goal came just scant minutes after that. 'Gers claimed possession inside the center circle and the midfield (Muralt again?) chipped up a lovely deep ball just past the shoulder of the left back. Ingersoll surged forward and, happy with the bounce, dribbled frantically toward the goal with the defense closing. About twelve yards out as the keeper started to cut the angle, Ingersoll heard Switzer making his run to the box and slashed a perpendicular ground ball back in the general direction of his voice. Switzer beat his marker by a foot or two and finished the play with a pass into an almost empty net. 3-1, 35th minute.

With Burden and Freiwat getting some space on their respective wings and working both sidelines, this spread the back line out and allowed 'Gers the opportunity for a few more long ball forays. Maybe five minutes before halftime, Ingersoll got another hero run at the frame and was denied a goal of his own by the Highlander keeper's highlight reel save. Closing the distance, he took Ingersoll's shot at point-blank range off the chest, at which point the ball was then shuttled back to the outside by the tracking backs.

Highlanders got a second in the fortieth off circumstances that elude me, but I seem to recall there was some pinballing around the penalty spot and then maybe the ball was kicked back out to the top of the box for a blast to the right...? Or am I confusing this with a goal from my daughter's Classic match this morning? They sometimes blur together.

Regardless, it was 3-2 at the half-time and if the emphasis was on the offense for the first 45 minutes, it was the defense's time to shine in the second half. Seaton, Fahrbach and Calkins proved a dynamic trio on the back line and their robust "bend but not break" strategy frustrated the Highlanders until the final whistle. This partnership is even more impressive given the fact that Calkins was playing sick. Or maybe he is going to karaoke to Kim Carnes' "Bette Davis Eyes" and really wanted to get into character. Either way, he is more man than I am when I recently got sick and wilted like a flower. Whatever. Forcing the home side to shoot frequently from middle distances, many strikes went wide until the seventieth minute...at which point they started to get on frame with unnerving frequency and put Silverman to the test. Silverman responded in kind with approximately a dozen saves, rivaling his efforts against the Hut Old Boys. Highlanders got a lot of corners during this roughly 80-20% possession advantage and forced the goalie to slap, punch, even deflect a shot from the three yard line with the back of his melon. Radigan and Muralt frequently dropped back to plug the box during the flurry of set plays. Burden went up over his marker to head out a long cross in the 75th. The fullbacks seemed to be all over the last twenty-five yards, throwing themselves at every wild shot and leaving it all on the field.

'Gers tried to catch the opposition on a couple of notable counter-attacks. Freiwat got open on the right side on two occasions and fed the ball forward down the line or back to Radigan and/or Sibanda, who had well-established their dominance in the mire-choked middle of the field. Ingersoll got a cross to Radigan's head and his strike was just over the bar. Likewise, Burden found some real estate of his own on the left on several occasions and did an excellent job tracking back on defense as circumstances required.

Without substitutes, the warm weather started to take its toll. Seaton went down with leg cramps and play was suspended while 'Gers worked to get him standing again. Ingersoll similarly went down with both legs locked in a C-3PO-esque manner for the last five minutes, so profuse apologies for all the suckage that happened around me as we tried to finish out the match. 'Gers were essentially playing a man down but we never panicked, the defense held their shape very nicely, and referee Antonio's final blasts of the whistle were welcomed by the boys in black. Especially Seanny, who continued to do "The Robot" until damn near bedtime. D'oh!

With a hard-fought victory and now third place in the table, 'Gers welcome to the MES league co-leaders Lager Legends (a.k.a. Tekvision) next Sunday for yet another titanic battle. Their mascot image may not feature a bad ass warrior dude with a gigantic sword, but trust me, this match will be one for the ages...

Match notes...Attendance was maybe 10-11...The Ranger Gatorade Stand made a second appearance for the season...The "sticky" Nike T-90 was officially lost over the fence during play; I'll try to find an equally tactile replacement...Videography by the lovely Becki Ingersoll is pending and will be included either in a separate post or as an update to this post if I ever figure out how TO [BLEEPING!] LOAD THE [BLEEPING!] SOFTWARE ONTO MY [BLEEPING!] COMPUTER! AAAIIIGGHHHHH!!!!!!

Next match:

FC77 Rangers v Lager Legends

Sunday, June 13th, 2010

4:00 PM KO

Montessori Earth School

FC77 Rangers 4:3 FC Bridgetown O-30

2010-05-23T16:14:00.000-07:00

FC77 Rangers 4 - 3 FC Bridgetown O-30

(Ingersoll 12'; McConnachie 20'; Sibanda 55'; Radigan 70')

Match Day Six found Rangers playing on a new day, (not so) far from the comfortable confines of the Montessori Earth School, against a familiar opponent, on the most dreaded playing surface of all...

The day: Saturday. I don't know about you, but I think the last time I got up at 10:00 AM on a Saturday to play soccer, I may have stuck an orange peel in my teeth like a mouthpiece because I was ten years old!

The venue: Cleveland High School. I don't know about you, but I had to drive around the field twice to find the opening in the gate. Seanny doesn't like being disoriented trying to get onto the pitch.

The opposition: FC Bridgetown O-30. You remember them, don't you? They were our rivals in the Spring 2008 Championship Match, "the Greatest Victory for the Greatest O-30 Recreational Football Club in the Greater Portland, Oregon Area". Don't recall our finest hour? Click here. Seriously. Here. I still get choked up thinking about it two years later, but I have been told on several occasions my priorities are kind of whack. [Editor's Note: Unlike some of the teams we have played this season, Bridgetown played with a lot of class. No jawing, no grousing, just smart, competitive soccer from whistle to whistle. They played like they had a lot more guys on the pitch and they even stopped play to escort a confused elderly woman out of the goal box. So if on the off-chance any of those guys find this match summary during their lunch hour internet web surfings: Respect.]

The Most Dreaded Playing Surface of All: Artificial turf. To date, 'Gers have never won a match on artificial turf. It's true. Look it up if you don't believe me. We're like, 0-4 on it against Blue Monk, NW Bike United, Controlled Chaos, and the Salem Kickers. It's like kryptonite to our Superman. However, we had a powerful new ally to help us in our efforts...

Powerful New Ally to Help Us in Our Efforts: The new black adidas kits! A man can do a lot of good things--great things, I daresay--when they feel pretty. And boy, did we feel pretty. Which was important, because our play on the morning was not pretty in the least...despite having another key advantage...you know, a key numerical advantage...which we didn't fully utilize at all.

In the end, three points secured. Sometimes winning ugly is the only thing that matters. I just hope that only pertains to soccer victories and not picking up chicks.

Starting XI:

Silverman, goalkeeper

Pullen - Calkins - Fahrbach, fullbacks

Snyder, holding midfielder

Freiwat - Radigan - Muralt - Ingersoll, midfielders

McConnachie - Sibanda, strikers

Reserves: Seaton, Bennouri, Bauman

After Ingersoll won the coin toss (woo hoo!), 'Gers started out of the blocks a bit timid, frankly, as they worked to break down the opposition. Bridgetown smartly back-loaded their two rear lines, stayed surprisingly compact the entire match, and only played a lone striker forward with help arriving on counters. A lot of out-of-bounds gave the match a "start-stop" herky-jerky feel to it, but that is often the case on artificial turf because the ball rolls forever and there is almost always a running track around the perimeter which doesn't slow the ball down. Bridgetown was also more spry to a lot of 50-50 balls. Rangers started to find their game with some runs down the outsides and crosses back into the mixer. Radigan had a few early attempts at goal, as did Muralt, as the wingers started firing balls from the corners toward the penalty spot. Finally, around the twelfth minute, the break-through: A flurry of passes and runs with Friewat and Muralt found the center midfielder inside the west edge of the Bridgetown box. Muralt scooped up a lovely lob over the assembled teams and found the shortest guy on the pitch waiting to put a forehead to it. Unlike the four header crosses he attempted in warm-ups, Ingersoll's header went down and past the fullback on the near post, resulting in the first outdoor header goal he has ever scored. Ever. (Once, in the eighth grade when I was playing for West Salem, I may have had the ball bounce off my chest on a corner for a goal against Sprague, but that was it.) Ingersoll was so stoked he subbed himself off to go do a happy dance on the sideline. And, uh, let other guys sub on.

McConnachie doubled up the lead around the twentieth minute when he poached a Bridgetown back-pass and surged forward through the two middle backs, stranding the keeper with little help and a big frame to cover. McConnachie's fifth goal of the season went to the lower left corner.

Up 2-0 with only twenty on the clock, it looked like the match was quickly pulling away for the home side, but to their credit they fought back with the occasional long ball and managed a bit of luck of their own. Around the 30 minute mark they got forward and took a well-hit shot that sent Silverman sprawling to the left to make a brilliant parry. The rebound fell kindly to their lone striker who put it back and the 2-1 scoreline held until half.

The team talk at half-time was all about spreading out the field, making the opposition run more to tire them out, and playing simple and smart (but a little more urgent) soccer. 'Gers turned up the intensity a little more and started getting more pops at goal. McConnachie crossed a lob back to Ingersoll and Seanny almost found a second a header goal on the day...but was just a hair over the bar. Sibanda got a few shots in from distance until maybe fifteen minutes into the half a frantic scramble in front of the Bridgetown net found the ball pinballing around wildly. It eventually kicked out to Sibanda, playing left winger, and he smartly took a classic "Bullie" shot from the corner of the box. It was nothing but net as it slammed over the assembled scrum and splashed into the upper right corner. 3-1. Bennouri started to work the east sideline more and more as the half progressed, allowing the strikers to spread out and tax their backs. More runs and surges forward yielded a fourth goal when Radigan smacked a thumping header of his own past the keeper in the 75th, fed ably from Muralt on the left side off a well-practiced corner set play.

Then it got a little nervous. Two goals in the last fifteen minutes made the scoreline uncomfortably tight, with the home side capitalizing on some wild ricochet action in front of goal and perhaps a fortunate touch or two. Bauman, Calkins, Snyder, Fahrbach, Seaton, and Pullen all locked down the back line to ensure that the advantage stayed with Rangers until the final whistle. Silverman made one or two kamikaze runs at inbound strikers and we even got a few offsides calls to preserve the win.

So while definitely not our finest hour--that would be here, which you have read, haven't you? If not, why? WHY?--'Gers did enough to secure the three points and still go home in time to watch the Champion's League final...or mow the lawn...or heckle the Sounders on FSN...or get dinner from Pizza Schmizza...or head to Fred Meyer's for some ginger ale, Ben & Jerry's "Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream" ice cream and cold medicine to stave off the impending illness you feel coming on...or, if you're me, all of the above.

Match Notes...Attendance for the match was three, excluding the neighborhood joggers on the track and the very nice but confused elderly women who wandered onto the pitch in the second half...Tory Snyder--not Rory Snyder as I have been calling her for the last three and half years--wore the inaugural black Junior Ranger kit for the morning...I've probably spelled it wrong, haven't I, Jim?...Tory/Torie/Tori did a fine job baby-sitting Nabyl's daughter during the time when her father was playing...'Gers are off for Memorial Day Weekend and have a bye next Sunday...

FC77 Rangers 6:1 Wolfhounds FC

2010-05-18T20:50:00.000-07:00

FC77 Rangers 6 - 1 Wolfhounds FC

(Radigan 2'; McConnachie 15', 25', 35', 75'; Muralt 55' - PK)

Starting XI:

Silverman, goalkeeper

Calkins - Bauman - Pullen, fullbacks

Snyder, holding midfielder

Sibanda - Radigan - Muralt - Burden, midfielders

King - Switzer, forwards

Reserves: Ingersoll, McConnachie, Fahrbach, Bennouri

The 'Hounds of the Burgervilles

(with apologies to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle...

there isn't much that rhymes with "Baskerville")

In the fair Rose City two soccer teams did play,

A proud footballing tradition long established this way.

"The Blue Monk Derby" as the match was known,

Bragging rights to the victor and three points to own.

Clad not in sexy black, Rangers donned yellow,

Defending the Powell Street End? Wolfhounds (Hello?!)

Referee Ernesto was late, but at least he did arrive

Perhaps he thought the match started at five?

With a blast of the whistle 'Hounds kicked off; their attack well set!

Two minutes later Radigan put the ball in their net.

Ahead 1-0, 'Gers didn't stop there.

Bullie hit the crossbar, King went wide by a hair.

Another header just missed...so many shots to start the game...

Until in the fifteenth minute a goal by James!

He got 'round the sweeper (injured ankle) who said

He wanted to be named in this post: Hi Fred!

McConnachie's next goal he also claimed proudly.

Complaints about interference vocalized loudly

Ernesto was unmoved. James just shrugged.

Maybe he wouldn't have been open if that hole in the back line was plugged?

Our fullbacks made some clearances. Bauman "made friends".

Silverman didn't need to do much, as it tends

To be the case when 'Gers is always on the attack.

There's not much to defend when the ball is not anywhere near your back.

James got his third with a cheeky chip off the pitch

Then boldly proclaimed, "That's a hat trick, bitch!"

Up 4-0 by half, the game out of reach,

The mood became disgruntled...a sportsmanship breach.

Nabyl got forearm shivered..then another foul most heinous!

By the same central defender: What a first-rate anus!

In the second half the smack-talk was getting a little spastic

While happily, on the sidelines, Junior Rangers did gymnastics.

Fifty-fifth minute, hand ball, 'Hounds box...more misery still

Muralt steps up, slots left, now it's 5 - nil.

Then a turn of fortunes back at the other end,

An errant hand ball in our box. 'Hounds send...

Miguel to step up and try to earn their first goal,

Aaron's unlucky and the strike finds the hole.

The last thirty minutes is a testy affair.

Wrestling on corners, pissy comments everywhere.

Bauman gets carded for a tackle around the eighteen

And thus would ensue the match's ugliest scene.

"I think the ref's biased!" they cry. "A red card it should have been!"

"Back off!" 'Gers sneer. "We would still beat you with ten!"

The free kick goes wide...it hardly bothered our keeper.

We also get flipped off: Stay classy, Big Sweeper.

James poaches a sixth off a wild goal mouth fumble.

Down by five, however, there was nary a mumble.

Play goes on for another quarter hour

Unlike past Derbies, the mood is definitely sour.

Another caution produced, this time to Burden

'Hounds' Brian twisted his ankle; he looked to be hurtin'.

All around a fine scoreline, same as last fall.

A win, fourth in the table, and I didn't lose the ball.

But as the sun drops low and beckons a pleasant night,

One 'Hound is still angry and looking for a fight.

He drops f-bombs around the kids and screams from the fence,

Bauman doesn't back down and the moment is tense.

OK, 'Hound Dog: You're pissed off, we get it, but...

Just know that next week you're going to get killed much worse by FC Hut.

Match Notes...Attendance was estimated at a dozen...Junior Rangers were Kendall Ingersoll and Stella Bauman...Rangers extend best wishes to former player Mark Vogel for a speedy recovery from recent surgery, which, without going into detail, sounded really, really, really bad...The new black adidas kits were showcased and will be worn for the first time next week...You know you don't want to miss that action!

Next Match:

FC77 Rangers v. FC Bridgetown O-30

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Cleveland High School

10:00 AM Kick-Off

"Remember 'Gers greatest victory ever?

I'm positive our opposition does."

New Rangers Kit Revealed!

2010-05-15T13:50:00.000-07:00

BACK IN BLACK!

The new alternate FC77 Rangers kit was revealed today. One word: Sexy! Two words: Sexy awesome!

The Yellow and Black and can now also be known as the Black and Yellow...and White. In contrast to their dynamic yellow kits, 'Gers now have an away adidas Tabella II Climalite short sleeve black shirt, trimmed with a royal white collar and sleeves. Similar white strips along the shoulders and sides give the shirt a dynamic and modern look. The new FC77 Rangers crest is proudly emblazoned on the chest and yellow numbers adorn the back. Plus, the black color will make them really easy to wash and keep lemony fresh for many campaigns to come.

In addition, a new keeper jersey was also included. The adidas Tiro three-quarter goalie kit is gray with a navy chest blaze and a gray and blue sleeve. The asymmetrical design is numbered "00" ("Double zero, you're my hero!") and features 3/4 padded sleeves...Marcus Hahnemann would approve. The Tiro will provide an updated alternate to the swirly purple shirt 'Gers has had since...1994?...for any reserve netminders or for Silverman if he wants.

Junior Rangers were also included in the order as two matching youth field jerseys arrived with the shipment. They are also emblazoned with the new Rangers logo on the front.

Thanks to Chase at Tursi's Soccer for providing the uniforms and to Brian Bauman for brokering this fantastic deal.

See below for exciting photos from the exclusive FC77Rangers.blogspot.com photo shoot! (i.e., my backyard).

Manager Seanny in the new alternate Tabella II kit and

Junior Ranger Kendall models the new youth supporter's kit

Ranger Babe Becki models the new keeper shirt. Hubba hubba.

"Blue Steel"...or is it "Magnum"?

(You knew this picture was coming, didn't you?)

Rangers had hoped to wear them for the Blue Monk Derby tomorrow, but Wolfhounds FC only has one color uniform now and it is...you guessed it, black. As the home side we are obliged to wear an alternate color. Since tomorrow will be 75 degrees, maybe that isn't a totally bad thing.

FC77 Rangers 4:2 KMA

2010-05-04T21:16:00.000-07:00

FC77 Rangers 4 - 2 KMA

(Radigan 3', 75' and 85'; Burden 25')

Match Day 4 of the GPSD O-30 Second Division found familiar foes FC77 Rangers and KMA back at it on the Montessori Earth School pitch and the result was surprisingly similar to their inaugural meeting last fall: A competitive, feisty battle with ample substitutes for both sides; a tied scoreline at the halftime whistle; and the Yellow and Black shutting out the visitors in the second forty-five to earn the victory with center midfielder Aaron Radigan earning many goals in the process.

Methinks that "KMA" doesn't mean "Kiss My Ass" so much as it means "Kick My Ass", eh?

Starting XI:

Silverman, goalkeeper

Pullen - Bauman - Calkins, fullbacks

Gaffney, holding midfielder

Freiwat - Radigan - Muralt - Ingersoll, midfielders

Switzer - McConnachie, strikers

Reserves: Bennouri, Burden, Fahrbach, Foubister, King and Sibanda

Exhibit "A": Newly censored logo. Note that a ball now replaces

the previous silhouette of a pair of buttocks. Perhaps "KMA"

now means "Kiss My Adidas (Telstar)"?

KMA opened the match defending the Division Street End in front of a very modest crowd of maybe eight fans. Taking the pre-match team talk to score "early and often" directly to heart, Radigan opened the scoring approximately three minutes after the kick-off with a swivel and shot from the top left corner of the KMA box that hooked across the face of goal and splashed down in the upper right corner, surprising most everybody. Play resumed at a fairly even pace. 'Gers tried to work the ball to the outside and KMA found a few promising runs through the middle. A couple of unlucky deflections and bounces allowed the visitors to get a run behind our back line and after fifteen minutes, it was tied. Honestly, I don't remember anything about it but fortunately, Burden and McConnachie teamed up just ten minutes later with an infinitely better play that after some consultation with the Dubious Goals Committee and several emails/texts, I now do remember.

Burden, having subbed on for Ingersoll on the left wing, launched a ball at the KMA keeper that either had some wicked spin and/or some pepper to it because the netminder bobbled the collection just inside the west post. From the sidelines, it looked like the ball dribbled off his hands and into the goal; the goalie's body posture looked alternately frustrated and then deflated as the ball rolled back. McConnachie wanted to make sure that there was no question of whether the ball had fully crossed the goal line and absolutely tattooed it into the back of the net to get 'Gers back in front.

Gradually, typical game smack talk started to escalate. A couple of unfavorable calls from referee "Antonio"(?) began to frustrate KMA. The visitors equalized again around the 35th minute when a wild scrum in front of Silverman gave birth to another pinballing sequence of flailing boots and wild kicks. The FC77 midfield turned to blast the ball clear of the mixer when it accidentally caught a KMA player square in the chest and bounced back into our net--no grace, no style, but still a goal.

'Gers took the kick-off and started back at the whites, yielding a similar melee in front of their goal mouth. A shot launched just inside the right upright appeared for all intents and purposes to strike a fullback's hand and bounce out over the endline. Yellow and Black players emphatically demanded a penalty but Antonio was not in the mood to make the tough call and instead pointed to the corner...which, curiously, KMA seemed very glad to concede and get play to continue. Very glad. Hmm... When the first forty-five minutes ended, the score was 2-2 and 'Gers left the field with all three points still up for grabs...

And grab it they did! The match temperature went from a low simmer to a scalding boil as jaws jabbered, the referee progressively lost control of the match, and a series of baffling calls aggravated both sides--but mostly KMA. Claiming uncalled fouls by Calkins and King, the visitors continued to get themselves worked up as the clock ticked away. Bauman got tired of the running commentary and, upon offering his own unique rejoinder to the conversation, soon found several players "up in my grill". Antonio did attempt to snuff out the tension, but his warning sounded a lot like Charlie Brown's parents (think trombone-like sounds going "mwah mwah mwahmwahhhh") and, unable to understand what had just been said, both sides threw up their hands and resumed play. Muralt also grew weary of some of the talk and, around the 80th minute, somehow managed to get a yellow card AND a free kick in the same play after exchanging pleasantries with a KMA midfielder. See Exhibit "B" below.

Exhibit "B": "Who ate me lucky charms, laddy?"

An angry midfielder threatens Muralt...and then steals his blue diamonds!

Silverman, returning from...umm..."injured reserve"...made a few clutch blocks and pawed away one lobbing shot that seemed destined for the goal. Gaffney, Pullen, Fahrbach, and Calkins all worked well to neutralize the KMA sorties and played smart "safety first" defense as the situations merited. Bennouri, Freiwat, Sibanda and the rest of the midfielders also did their defensive duties faithfully, helping clear the ball out of a few troublesome situations. However, it was a slick passing sequence ten minutes earlier that capped the game for the home side. A Ranger stampede through the middle of the Powell Street End slots the ball to Radigan outside the "D", who spies his former North Salem High School teammate ("Pride of the Vikings, baby!") busting down the right side. He threads a pass behind the last defender, allowing Ingersoll to run on to it, turn him just before the end line, and dribble into the box. With the goal looming large before him (and don't think for a second I didn't want to shoot!) the manager slices a pass back across the front of goal. Burden--sliding in from his opposite winger position--expertly dummied the shot, undoubtedly icing the keeper who certainly expected a first time shot. With the keeper's feet firmly rooted to the ground, Radigan finished the move with a smash of his size twelve boot and the ball was in the lower right corner of the net. 3-2, Rangers with fifteen minutes to go.

Exhibit "C": Radigan, Sibanda and King bust through the KMA midfield.

"Hey! Let's go pay the keeper a visit!"

The fourth goal was also nicely composed. McConnachie took a pass from the midfield and hurtled upfield, spying Foubister making a run to the top of the KMA box with a single defender to beat. His pass allowed Foubister to draw the fullback with him, freeing Radigan to make an unopposed run at the sticks. Gary spun and laid out a tidy little lateral pass, offering Radigan a one v. one with keeper. A touch and then a shot to the upper right corner killed the game off once and for all and earned Radigan the hat trick with five minutes and some change change remaining.

'Gers kept their shape and smartly controlled the last few minutes. Freiwat found Ingersoll making another run along the right sideline and dished a through pass out to him, allowing him to go straight to...the corner flag. Ah, yes, the corner flag: Last Bastion of the Winning Side Who Doesn't Want to Risk a Counter Attack. Seanny dribbled straight to the pennant and braced himself for the eventual dry-humping that would inevitably result as the left fullback scrapped for possession.

Seanny was, sadly, not disappointed. I will not include an exhibit of this.

With one last chance to take the ball to the corner in the 93rd, the manager snarkily opted to head that way and then turned to a fire a cross at Switzer in hopes of bagging a fifth and really pissing everybody off, but his pass was too wide and too zesty and the 4-2 scoreline was destined to stand.

With the final whistle came subdued and reserved "good games", some grumbling, and another unintelligible commentary about game control from the match official. While still 134% more satisfying than last week's forfeit win over Hawks, 'Gers left the field still feeling like they hadn't fully found fifth gear...but licking their chops at the fabled Blue Monk Derby coming up in just two weeks.

Match notes...Connor Foubister and Britney Muralt were the Junior Rangers for the match, even if they didn't know it...The "sticky" Nike T-90 from two weeks ago went over the fence around the twentieth minute but magically reappeared on the pitch before half-time...Match photo by Gary Foubister...

Next match:

FC77 Rangers v. Wolfhounds FC

Sunday, May 16th, 2010

Montessori Earth School

4:00 p.m. KO

"The Blue Monk Derby: Just like the Old Firm,

but only played twice a year!"