FC77 Rangers 2:2 Dawgs

FC77 Rangers 2 - 2 Dawgs

(Muralt 75', Ingersoll 90')

An eerie, chilling mist clung to the dank, wet ground of the Montessori Earth School. The grounds smelled of waste--well, they did by the portable toilet--mixed with rotting leaves and the bitter stench of despair. Eight brave Rangers made the treacherous journey for Match Day Eight of the GPSD Rose City Over-30 Third fall 2009 season, but as the creaky metal gate swung open and the opposition poured onto the pitch, ashen-faced and clad in dreary gray, numbering nearly ten and five strong, it was obvious that this was not the same team that the Yellow and Black faced in the season opener. They were...different. A low growl rumbled forth from their growing numbers and, although hard to hear in the morning fog, it soon became obvious this would not be another walk in the park. They wanted vengeance...and they wanted more than a simple victory...they wanted our BRAINS!

THEY WERE ZOMBIES!

[Editor's note: Inspired by Seth Grahame-Smith's Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, and the fact that it is the day after Halloween, this match summary will have a distinctly undead slant to it. Read on...if you dare!]

Starting VIII (what the f**k?):

Silverman, goalkeeper

DeBar - Calkins - Fahrbach, defenders

Radigan - Muralt - Ingersoll, midfielders

Switzer, striker and de facto attacking midfielder

Reserves: Bennouri, Burden, Gaffney, and Steve Gemmell

Down to almost the barest of numbers due to injuries, coaching conflicts, and...zombie abductions, I guess...the home side threw together a hasty 3-3-1 formation as the visitors licked their dead, fleshy chops at the site of the slim numbers before them. "You didn't give us any players the last time," one of them noted prior to kick-off, referencing the irony of the season opener when they had nine players and 'Gers had, like seventeen. (Sigh.) "It's payback time! Brains!" Referee Luke blew the match to a start and 'Gers began to withstand wave after wave of undead attacks in the vain hope that our ranks would swell. They soon did as Steve Gemmell, a Dawg player who wanted to play more than eat our entrails, joined the Rangers and played up front with Switzer before getting moved back into the center of the formation. Bennouri and Burden also showed up about fifteen-twenty minutes into the match.

When faced with overwhelming numbers of soccer players, it is critical that you don't get caught too far forward and generally Alamo up on the defense. When faced with overwhelming numbers of zombies--especially fast, Infected kind like in "28 Days Later", not the slow, plodding type like in the first ten minutes of the "Thriller" video--you generally try to hang onto the ball, take your time on any (un)dead ball play, and kick the ball really far down the field whenever possible. Rangers did this masterfully, frustrating the hordes from hell with smart, no-nonsense clearances, short passes, and the occasional "blast the ball as far as you can to take a breather" play. Muralt dropped back to assist Calkins in the defensive middle and Fahrbach did an exceptional job marking up on zombie forward Danny--the guy who is a dead-ringer for Lonnie on Wolfhounds. Silverman was a friggin' beast in the net, making three (in particular) clutch saves to keep the affair goalless. One save involved him leg-swiping the ball away from a solo striker and the other that comes to mind was a double save where he swatted a shot to the upper right corner down, scrambled back as it bounced toward the goal mouth, and then punched it again as it was getting precariously close to fully crossing the line.

As Rangers finally grew to full numbers, we began to go on the attack for the first time, reluctantly getting a few guys forward on both flanks for crosses back into the middle. Burden switched with Gemmell up front, allowing our usual right winger to swoop onto balls played on both sides...although the ghostly post-Halloween make-up he sported did make Burden look suspiciously like the undead. Hmm... The ball was still in our half more than it was in their half and Calkins, DeBar, and Muralt--dropping back to bolster Gemmell in the defensive middle--hacked and tackled their way through several threatening attacks. The Dawgs finally struck around the thirtieth minute when they timed a run through the middle correctly and then it kicked it out to their right, allowing a striker to isolate Silverman one on one and make a lucky strike past him. 1-0 to the Dawgs.

Luke blew the first half to a close. Ingersoll shuffled the line-up to the more familiar 3-1-4-2 with the Rangers in their usual positions, hoping to get Bennouri and Switzer better feeds up front while Burden took charge of the right flank. Calkins kept an eye on Gemmell in the holding midfield role. Dawgs went on the attack again right from the start. The wet ground made for some awkward skips of the ball and tricky touches, but the contest seemed evenly matched with most of the play happening within twenty yards of the centerline...if it was actually visible. Bennouri took a pass from (Muralt?) and blew past the back line, dribbling deep into the undead box. The Dawg goalie roared something about "brains!" as Bennouri shot and the ball flashed just right of the upright, clattering against the back goalframe post. So close, but so far. Still 0-1. Tragedy again befell the gallant defenders as the Dawgs scored again when their tall midfielder zombie claimed a pass just outside the top of Silverman's box and hooked an expertly curving shot into the net. 0-2 in the 60th minute. The hordes were growing hungrier. The situation was dire, indeed. Who would heed the call for a hero?

Short answer: Everybody did. Instead of rolling over and offering ourselves up with some fava beans and a nice Chianti, Rangers got pissed and played our game. The tempo was noticeably turned up after we went down by two. Rangers crashed into Dawgs in the air. Rangers took out some legs, usually with the ball, but not always. The zombie hordes started to get a little panicky and their hearts started to beat a little faster as 'Gers raiding parties smashed forward in threes, fours and fives. That is, if zombies actually have beating hearts! Yellow and Black pressure earned us several corners in rapid succession and one such series--I believe, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong...'cause that's why we have a "Post Comments" section for each summary--saw the ball bounce around the mixer before getting spewed back out to the west sideline, and then be laterally passed along the top of the box to Muralt, who opted for placement over power and slotted a strike low across the mud, through three confused defenders, and past the lunging keeper into the lower right corner of the net. The zombie horde let out a low growl of defeat. Who's eating brains now, Dawgs?! Ingersoll sprinted into the net to retrieve the ball for a quick restart--which, if I may be so bold, proved critical later on. Somebody asked how much time was left. Referee Luke indicated fifteen minutes. "Too...much.... tiiimmme..." grumbled the Dawgs right back, sniffing for a fresh head to chomp.

Dawgs tried to reclaim the initiative with a deflating counter-strike, but 'Gers don't play that game. With the tall midfielder responsible for the second Dawgs score breaking into space with numbers, Ingersoll clipped him from behind, dropping him to the muddy earth. "Brains?!" he cried out. No, undead spawn of Satan, professional foul! It was (mostly) an accident, mostly the result of tired legs and not being able to get around him, but it was a goal scoring opportunity, so Luke reached into his pocket and flashed Ingersoll a yellow card, his very first yellow card in thirty-one years of soccer...minus the seven years I spent mountaineering.

For what it's worth, I'm glad you guys were there to share it with me. It was...special.

The resulting wall (see below) and free kick amounted to nothing, so it was a good foul to take.

Time was running out. 'Gers turned up the attacks and found several shots getting closer, but not hitting the mark. Approximately five minutes from time, another frenzied rush of legs, boots, mud and limbs created a scrum near the Dawgs penalty spot. The ball skittered out to Bennouri, who noted Ingersoll off to his left and slid a tidy pass around their defender to the manager's feet. Ingersoll crushed it with his first touch.

CLANG! The ball was heading for the roof of the net and the keeper may have gotten a hand on it, but the strike blasted off the crossbar and flew wildly over the growling horde to the far upright and, ultimately, back into play in the midfield. F**K!

Play continued frantically for the last few minutes. Radigan scythed down the Dawgs center midfielder--fairly, but with great vigor. Gaffney subbed on to help the back line with fresh legs and made a couple of critical touches. With probably seconds to go, 'Gers broke forward one last time through the middle. The center midfield--Radigan? Muralt? Help me out here!--slotted an expertly executed pass right down the Dawg's throat. Switzer and Ingersoll broke forward to get onto it along with the last defender, the left back who was trying to pick up Switzer's run. It was almost a dead heat, but Seanny barely got to the ball first, took one touch to control it, and lashed it forward with his right. From about six yards out, the ball flew past the keeper's right hand and slapped into the back of the net.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed the usually off-target left midfielder. Then, re-catching his breath: "OH YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!" The zombie hordes, if not fully vanquished, were devastated. Our brains were not nearly the sweet sweetmeats anymore. Ingersoll exchanged spazzy goal-celebration pleasantries with, well, hell just about everybody and he totally apologizes if any of his high-fives, shoulder smacks, bro-hugs or whatever else I might have done were too enthusiastic and caused you discomfort. I was caught up in the moment.

The match ended about a minute after the restart, with Dawgs looking forlorn and, um, kinda dead. A point well-earned with another total team performance against overwhelming numbers is nothing to guffaw, but as the season winds down, the last two matches are critical...with next week being a little more critical than the following week. Just sayin'.

Match notes...Match attendance varied from zero to maybe a dozen by the final whistle...In the "Do As I Say, Not As I Do" department, Ingersoll will be unavailable to participate next week due to a coaching conflict, but he would really, really, really love it if most/at least eleven other players could come play...Another Nike T-90 ball went over the fence during the match...Keep an eye on the O-30 Third Rose City standings (link is to the left) this week to see how we stand in the table...With an anticipated No Subs loss to the Salem Kickers and a tie for Dawgs this Sunday, even if Hawks beat Wolfhounds, we should still be in second place...Go Wolfhounds!

Next Match:

FC77 Rangers v. KMA (Second leg)

Sunday, 8 November, 2009

Montessori Earth School

10:00 AM KO

She wouldn't find this so funny if they tried to

eat her legs off for ninety minutes. B***h.