FC77 Rangers 4, Azzurri 1

Scorers:  (Ntini 20', 41' and Muralt 44', 60')

Rangers did the double over the Azzurri for the first time ever with another convincing 4-1 victory at the Montessori Earth School on Match Day Eight of the O-30 Third Division Rose City fall season.  Honestly, the outcome was never really in doubt and unlike previous matches, there really wasn't a whole lot for me to get worked up about.  No psychotic referees.  No shortened match because they couldn't find their player cards.  No traitorous FC77 players scoring for the opposition.  Just a straight forward, all-around, comprehensive arse kicking. We partied with these Italians Visigoth-style circa August 24, 410! (Please refer to this delightful Wikipedia reference for a complete description of the Sacking of Rome in 410. I get dibs on Alaric I!)

Anachronistic 15th century miniature depiction of the Sacking of Rome

I think Bauman is the guy on the horse in the lower left corner

Despite a steady pre-match drizzle and a new noon kick-off, twelve Rangers made it the pitch in time for the Azzurri replay.  The starting XI consisted of Calkins in goal; Pullen, Fahrbach, Bauman and Ingersoll playing stopper; Foubister, Radigan, Muralt, and Burden in the midfield, and McConnachie and Ntini up front with Ron King waiting on the sidelines as the third striker.  Despite some delays in putting up the nets, the Azzurri managed ten by the time the whistled started the match and may have had a full side by the twentieth minute.  The twentieth minute was also about the same time Ntini broke through the back line and opened the scoring for the Yellow and Black.  He took a long pass from the midfield (Burden?) and sprinted straight into the heart of the defensive line, isolated the keeper and buried the shot in the corner.  His second goal, twenty minutes later, was a pop from maybe ten yards out that deflected off the defender and caught the goalie flatfooted as it skittered across the wet turf and inside the near post.   

Not content to go into half-time up just 2-0, Foubister made a right side foray into the box and got tripped up just inside the keeper's area.  As he toppled to the ground, I believe he started pleading for the penalty, but the referee waved play on.  Muralt screamed "Leave it!  Leave it!" as the ball rolled from out under Foubister and the center halfback hit the ball with a monster shot about six inches from Gary's head.  From my perspective, it looked like there was a 50/50 chance the Scot winger was going to end up with a concussion, but fortunately for all of us, Muralt got all ball and no skull, so 'Gers went up 3-0 at the break.

Comfortably ahead and not seriously challenged in the first half, the second half began with the FC77 side a little disjointed.  The kick-off was lost and several Azzurri attacks into the Powell Street End put the Pullen-Bauman-Ingersoll-Fahrbach line into action.  The Italian's shots were generally not immediately threatening and were often wide of frame, but the lack of sustained possession for the first fifteen minutes was disheartening for the 'Gers side that so totally dominated the first half. An Azzurri free kick was retaken when the shot slammed into the referee before he was clear of the play and while that was aggravating, the follow-up shot was nowhere near close to scoring.  Muralt picked up his double on the hour mark when he took the keeper's bobbled collection in front of the post and went around him to score--straight up hustle and second effort get the assist for that goal.  

The Azzurri got their goal maybe ten minutes after that on a play that was, well, unfortunate.  We'll just leave it at that.  Ahem.  With good movement on the wings--credit to Foubister, Burden, King and McConnachie for staying wide and drawing the defenders out for a lot of the match--and the middle well-secured with Muralt, Radigan and Ntini, there was little for Calkins to do except take goal kicks and marshal the rear line when confronted.

That's it, really.  I can't even get myself all worked up into an irrational furor about this match anymore and believe me, I tried.  Perhaps that is a reflection of just how far our squad has come in the last two years.  In 2007 I would have surrendered a non-vital organ to beat this team.  Now, eh...  Three straight wins leads me to declare that, like the first Roman Empire which fell (according to historians) on September 4, 476, this Italian legacy is also done.

Azzurri

0-30 Third Division

2006 AD - November 1, 2008 AD

Sileo in pacis

[Editor's note:  Can you imagine how pissed they would be if they saw this?!  Ha!  "I drink your milkshake!"  Or, in Latin, "Ego imbibo vestri milkshake!"]

Next match:

FC77 Rangers v. No Subs

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Montessori Earth School

12:00 p.m. KO

Azzurri Referee Update!

In response to the formal complaint submitted by Rangers (and perhaps the Azzurri, too) following last week's match, the head of the GPSD reported early this week that the official has been suspended for unprofessional conduct.  Pending an investigation by the league's referee committee, he may lose his license.

P.S.  "The Pacifier" sucked, too.

FC77 Rangers 4 vs. Azzurri 1

(Scorer: Ntini 46', 60', 72', 80')

Have you ever wondered what would happen if (in)famous English Premiership bad boy referee Rob Styles morphed into a lil' Vin Diesel (pre-Pitch Black) and officiated a GPSD men's Over-30 Third Division league match?

Yeah, I never did either until our September 27th epic match against our heated rivals the Azzurri. The resulting tragi-comedy of errors was was enough to overshadow the glorious Rangers win and take most of the joy out of our largest margin of victory over the Italians ever. We should have been drinking to rejoice but alas, I think most of us would be drinking to forget.

Let's review the match facts: Malvern Ntini lit up the Azzurri with a second half scoring display that included a slashing lateral run and shot forty seconds after the restart; a trademark dribbling run that ended with three defenders in his wake and the ball back in the corner of the net; a hat trick off a cheeky--but totally legal--quick free kick that caught the yammering opposition hopelessly out of position; and a fourth goal that left the keeper sprawled on the ground, chewing out his back line. Brett Baumgarte, returning to the sticks for the second time, wasted no time getting into the flavor of the rivalry by loudly telling off the Azzurri about four minutes into the match. Although largely unchallenged for long stretches of the match, he made several solid saves and dominated the box, with only an expertly taken free kick and subsequent goal-mouth rush preventing a clean sheet. Our keeper was largely unchallenged for long stretches of the match due to the silky smooth fullback mechanics that nullified the striker runs, cleared out the wing balls, and kept their shape for the full ninety minutes. Full credit goes to the Bauman-Calkins-Seaton-Fahrbach-Snyder-Vogel line permutations that worked pretty fluidly. The midfield did a good job of getting "up and back" in warmer than expected temperatures and the Radigan-Muralt partnership won a lot of headers and made some crunching challenges to break up the Azzurri's distribution. Burden and Foubister made many tidy forays along the sidelines and McConnachie almost had his first headed goal of the season around the 75th minute. Lastly, Ingersoll didn't send seven shots ridiculously wide of the frame as he did last week and actually had a headed shot on goal--all that and his Kick Medic from www.worldsoccershop.com hasn't even arrived yet! (Thanks, Tyler!)

But this match wasn't about us. It wasn't about the Italians, either. Oh, no. This match was All About the Referee. Since the whole sorry affair kind of blurs together in my head like a bad movie montage, a chronological linear review just won't cut it. I offer instead this David Letterman-esque "'Gers-Azzurri Referee's Most Ridiculous Moments Top Ten List" for your consideration. Sadly, I had to really work to get it down to just ten. Please vote in the new poll question on this same topic to the left. Seriously.

'GERS-AZZURRI REFEREE'S MOST RIDICULOUS MOMENTS TOP TEN LIST

10. Coin toss? We don't need no stinkin' coin toss! You guys get the ball! Play!

9. Cautioning Ron Burden with an almost Shakespearean soliloquy about walking off the field about fifteen feet to grab his water bottle.

8. Giving Aaron Radigan a completely unnecessary warning for questioning a dubious call for contact during a header. Fortunately, Radigan had enough common sense to let it go instead of telling him to shove it up his...

7. Ask me what exactly happened on the fifth goal/no goal/penalty kick fiasco. Go ahead. "I have no idea!" After a goal mouth scramble saw the ball go in the net, the referee appeared to blow his whistle indicating it was good, then disallowing it, then asking us if we wanted a penalty kick. I believe Fahrbach asked, "Is it a goal?", only to have the official declare a penalty kick.

6. Not letting Jim Snyder off the field to help his child who had hurt himself on the playground. For future reference: If any of your kids are hurt or crying anywhere near the pitch and you need to go, just go. It'd be great if you let me know, but don't let that stop you from taking care of your families first.

5. Muttering loudly enough so that anybody outside his brain could hear, "Get out of my f**king face" when Snyder did leave the field to tend to his child per item #6.

4. Stopping play to make the Azzurri manager return to the east sideline after going over to the west sideline...to shag balls that go over the fence. Last time I checked, the far sideline hasn't been ruled off-limits to spectators. I think most every other pitch allows spectators to watch on either sideline. [Note: I can't believe I'm saying this, but a word of thanks goes to the Azzurri manager, Armando, who did scale the fence and get my new Nike match ball as well as the Adidas ball we lost last spring. Ahem...grazie.]

3. Telling our cheering section to stop cheering so loudly. Our best and most vocal supporter, AJ, never fails with a hearty "GOOOOAAAALLL!!!" when we score. It adds to the spirit of the match. I could see how a celebration cheer more along the lines of "YOOOOUUU SUUUUCCCCCK!" might be considered poor form, but "GOOOOAAAALLL!!!"? Puh-leeze.

2. Carding Dan Calkins and Brett Baumgarte for making a goalkeeper change...after they told him they were making a goalkeeper change...and he nodded in acknowledgement. I was thirty yards down field and I saw it.

1. Calling one of the Azzurri's girlfriends a "f***king b***h" after she recognized the referee as an acquaintance from another team. I always thought that wives, girlfriends, and family were off-limits for insults. I guess so long as you don't say it loudly enough to violate item #3, it's allowed...

I know bullet point lists are kind of a lazy means of writing, but formatting it like this will make it easier for me to report the referee to the league (with some editing, of course). I spoke with the Azzurri manager after the match and, incredibly, we both agreed that this episode was way over the top and should be brought to GPSD's attention. How does the phrase go, "The enemy of my enemy is my friend"?

We'll see about that, but I did have some pretty good pizza for dinner. Ciao!

Next match:

FC77 Rangers v. No Subs

Saturday, 4 October, 2008

4:00 p.m. KO

Montessori Earth School

Azzuri 2 vs. FC77 Rangers 3

(Scorers: Ntini 58’, 70’, King 83’)

June 4, 2008

Everybody on this squad knows the history between our two teams and the seven years of defeat, controversy, and frustration we have endured at the hands (and boots) of the Italians. If this was the Olympics, the saga would be reviewed in a grainy, back-and-white video montage set to a lonely piano tune with images of us, heads down, walking in slow motion off the pitch. Perhaps it would be narrated by the late Jim McKay or Bob Costas. The last scene, however, would not be a “Spielbergian” close-up of a muddy ball in the rain or one of us hunched over on the touch line with an empty expression on our face...

...it would be a glorious full color, real-time shot of the ball smashing into the net for the third time as the Yellow and Black erupt into frenzied cheers! Somebody start playing Carl Orff’s “Carmina Burana” for the soundtrack! We just kicked the Azzuri’s ass!

SUPER MARIO HASN’T BEEN BARRELED OVER THIS BADLY SINCE “DONKEY KONG”!

In the dramatic build-up to the June 4th replay with the Azzuri at the Montessori Earth School, manager Sean Ingersoll’s weekly email match reminder was succinct and simple:

“I want to win this match more than any other I have ever played. Be there.”

The Rangers showed up, all right, and responded with another epic performance. We out shot, out passed, out tackled and out mocked the Blues from whistle to whistle. When all things were finally made equal—each side fielding their own players and the match lasting for a full ninety minutes—‘Gers stepped up and gave the manager the victory he craved for so long.

FC77 supporters knew the magnitude of the match and a 300% increase in attendance from last week (do the math) gave additional voice to the cause. The 7:06 kick-off found Rangers sitting in their 4-4-2 with five reserves on deck. Berg, Snyder, Bauman, Calkins, Fahrbach, Foubister, Radigan, Muralt, Burden, King and McConnachie started and Lemos, Ntini, Sibanda, Vogel, and Ingersoll comprised the reinforcements. Our substitution mechanics have been slowly improving—thanks to everybody on the squad who offered suggestions, including the Inverse Gaussian Hazard Model and the two spreadsheets—and the familiarity/fluidity from last week seemed to continue as play started with good possession and distribution. Some early offsides calls against the visitors elicited the anticipated dramatic response, much to our amusement, but our defense stamped their authority on the match with some truly monster tackles and let it be known that nothing was going to be given in our house. Calkins worked hard to get inside the head of the primary Azzuri striker and rarely allowed him space to work. Radigan, Bauman, Muralt and Lemos all made frequent and punishing challenges; Aaron had a hang time on one tackle that lasted a good two seconds before he slammed into the ball and sent the midfielder flat to the grass. Even Ingersoll, sliding into the left back position, dropped the opposition’s number twenty with a hammer blow to the feet, courtesy of his new prototype Nike Mercurial Talaria4 boots he sported for the first time. (Thanks Brian!) When the striker protested to the referee, our entire back line got in his face and viciously ridiculed him.

I’ve never been so proud to be a manager. [Sniff!]

NOW THAT’S AMORE!

The on-field communication was good. With very little to do in the first half, Berg orchestrated the backline shape on several free kick defensive walls (“Four person wall! Left two steps! NOW!”) and still managed to make a dramatic stop or two as the occasion required. With Fahrbach, Snyder, and Vogel managing the wings and clearing traffic and the midfield dropping back to assist on defense, it was up to the offense to break the deadlock and come the 58th minute, they did. Ntini’s first half strike clattered down off the crossbar and bounced out of the six yard box but his effort around the hour mark was silky smooth. Dribbling around three defenders and slashing across the top of the box to the center of the field, Ntini unleashed a curling blast to the right side that the keeper got his fingers on but couldn’t deflect. Twelve minutes later he repeated by cutting through the Azzuri back line and isolating the keeper one on one. A quick move to the right gave him a clear look at goal and he killed the play off with a short strike inside the posts.

Then things got a little interesting. The Blues pulled one back a few minutes later with a crossing shot to the upper right corner and pressed the attack, keeping possession and sending ‘Gers into some frantic clearances. After we regained our shape, Burden, Sibanda and Foubister started working their respective wings and gave Rangers more movement along the outside. McConnachie ran onto a long hero ball and took it almost fifty yards to their goal, only to have the shot get blocked at the last moment (I think). King clinched the victory in the 84th minute when he broke free of his marker and blasted a low shot to the left back corner of the goal. 3-1 looks pretty comfortable in print, but our squad rarely makes things easy for ourselves, and the last six minutes was a tense, contentious defense siege that saw the Azzuri win four or five corners, seize upon our clearances, and put Berg under constant pressure. They bagged their second goal deep, deep into added time off a near side corner kick. Fahrbach and the rest of the sideline screamed for time and finally, at 8:43 p.m. PST, the referee gave the final three blasts of his whistle.

Rangers 3. Azzuri 2. Quello è come rotoliamo, bambino!

Special thanks to Connor Foubister for acting as our Junior Ranger on this historic night.

BUT…BUT…WHERE IS THE THIRD HEADLINE?!

Oh, it’s there, gentle reader. You just have to be bold and look for it. Cheers!

Sean-Scott Ingersoll

FC77 Rangers 0 vs. Azzuri 1

April 30, 2008

The Azzuri: A Haiku
Twenty minutes late
Plenty of complaints and gripes
No time left to tie

Allow me to present a brief overview of the recent Rangers-Azzuri match history to put this contest into proper perspective:

2005 Rangers lose 0-10...or something like that. I actually missed that match. I had tickets to "The Lion King". Sue me.

2006 Rangers tie the Azzuri 0-0. Two 'Gers goals are disallowed for "offsides". A belligerent Azzuri player is red carded for dissent and unsportsmanlike conduct, tries to pick a fight with Jim Snyder, refuses to leave the field, then begs the referee not to report it after the match.

2007 Rangers tie the Azzuri 1-1. Brian Bauman steamrolls his way straight up the middle and scores in the first three minutes. Using borrowed players because they couldn't field a full strength squad, the Italians score a controversial second half goal, much to chagrin of the 'Gers. Angry, profanity-laden emails follow.

2008 The Yellow and Black meets the Blues back at the Montessori Earth School for a 6:30 p.m. kick-off under unstable skies on 30 April. What, the opposing team doesn't have their player cards or roster? Maybe we'll kick-off at 6:35. No? How 'bout 6:40? Still no cards? Maybe 6:45. Still not here. Sometime around 6:50 the Azzuri player finally shows up with the paperwork to officially play the match and sometime just shy of 7:00 referee Ben Warren blows the whistle to start the match. According to regulations, Warren explains, the teams must play equal halves and due to the late start and pressing threat of darkness, the match proceeds with 30-35 minute halves.

Play started optimistically enough for the home side. Playing the typical 4-4-2, James McConnachie and Gary Foubister started up front; Thom Fahrbach, Aaron Radigan, Matt Muralt, and Jim Snyder controlled the midfield; Jim Seaton, Brian Bauman, Dan Calkins, and David Hayden anchored the back line with Steve Berg in the box. A quick goal looked promising as the Ranger's first shot clattered off the crossbar followed shortly by Muralt's 40 yard strike from the right side which forced the Azzuri keeper to leap and deflect it...again off the woodwork. Boasting an almost full roster with ample substitutes including Dario Lemos, Bullie Sibanda, Mark Vogel, Sean Ingersoll, Ron Burden, and Ron King, 'Gers pressed the match and kept possession in the attacking half for long stretches of the half. Lemos' near post shot forced their keeper to get dirty for the save and Azzuri counter-attacks were pushed to the outside and cleared out of play. Berg made a spectacular one-on-one save against a breaking striker and pounced on several loose balls in his area. The fullbacks worked well to coordinate their offsides trap, as evidenced by the loud, frequent and occasionally histrionic cries of outrage from the opposition. The first forty-five minute half--oops, my bad, thirty-ish minute half--passed with the score deadlocked at nil.

The second half, quickly started to maximize field daylight, saw much of the same play as the in the first. Rangers liked to move the ball down the wings and the Azzuri worked shorter passes up the middle with occasional runs straight at the fullbacks. It was one of those runs that saw the Blues strike three-quarters of the way through the period and go up 1-0. Unwilling to give up, 'Gers fought on and demonstrated some notable urgency with our soon-to-be trademarked crunching tackles, shoulder challenges, and spirited on-field talk. The referee cautioned Fahrbach with a yellow card about five minutes from time for a tackle on the keeper deep in the box as he tried to find the equalizer. Despite our best efforts, Warren's final whistle came all too soon (literally and figuratively). To have lost by a goal after a full ninety minutes would have been unfortunate; to lose by a goal after only an hour or so seems just plain bogus. It was with this thought that the manager changed up his standard post-match handshake chant from "Good game, good game, good game..." to "Good three-quarters of a game, Azzuri, maybe we'll play a full one next time..."

Kendall Ingersoll and Connor Foubister performed Junior Ranger duties for Match Day Three of the season and our side boasted a few spectators, including recovering player Kyle Gunsul and his dog. Having been drubbed the first week, losing at the death the second week, and now coming up short in an abbreviated match the third week, the Rangers are cautiously hopeful our fortunes will turn for the better...because barring a giant meteor striking us all dead next week, I am not sure what new misfortunes the Soccer Gods might have in store for us.

Next match:
FC77 Rangers vs. No Subs
Montessori Earth School
7:00 p.m. K.O. ... not 7:25. I'll let it go now.

Sean-Scott Ingersoll

FC77 Rangers 1, Azzuri 1

(Scorer: Bauman 3')

11 November 2007

The last time the Rangers and the Italian club Azzuri met in the spring of 2006 over at Hillsboro Stadium, the match was a heated, controversial affair. The Azzuri were shown a straight red card for dissent, they tried to pick a fight with our own Jim Snyder, they protested virtually every call and harassed the referee from whistle to whistle...and then pleaded with him not to report the sending off. Despite the 0-0 tie (the two Ranger goals were disallowed for "offsides"--a pair of dubious calls at best), the match left a foul taste in the mouths of some of the FC77 players and provided the manager with enough ammunition to send out a...shall we say spirited?...bunch of rallying emails to the squad in the two weeks before the match. I won't reprint them here, but they were awesome. Trust me. With only a contingent of ten players, the Azzuri inquired with the home side if we would spot them a few players. As keeper Steve Berg said, "They asked if we would loan them some players, so I told them I wasn't the manager...but I think I know the answer to that one already." That answer was no. With twilight becoming darkness by 5:00, the match was forced to be played with short 35 minute halves, but the teams prepped the field in short order and were ready to play when referee Ken Koopman started the proceedings. A few remaining players from the previous 0-30 Division 2 match offered to fill the ranks of the Italians and so, buoyed by their new on-loan players, the match kicked off a little before 4:00.

'Gers were joined for the afternoon by new player "Dan", an experienced sweeper friend of Brian Bauman. Short of strikers and well-stocked with defenders for once, Brian was shifted from his typical enforcer role and moved up front with James McConnachie...and the manager's tactical genius was soon proved when Brian and James plowed through the ranks of the opposition and Brian scored within the first 240 seconds. "Now that's a spicy meatball!" Rangers played an aggressive, up-front match, often keeping the ball in the blue end for five-ten minutes at a time. James McConnachie fired a half-dozen shots at the woodwork and was unlucky to keep his goal-scoring streak alive. The play was often physical and tenacious, but the Italians only mustered a few medium to long distance shots that Steve easily saved. 'Gers also welcomed back Scott Anderson, playing for the first time this season after a protracted knee injury. Scott immediately picked up where he left off last season and filled gaps in the front and back lines when called upon and charged hard after every ball.

With a 1-0 lead at the half and looking comfortable in front (it really was unbelievable at least two or three more shots didn't find the back of the net), Rangers hurried back onto the field after a brief break to try and salvage as much of the second half as possible before the match was called on account of darkness. A couple of early right side misses seemed to signal another score for FC77 when the match took a strange and unfortunate turn. One of the on-loan players for the Azzuri poked through the right side and fired a hard shot at our keeper, equalizing the game with about twenty minutes to go. Disgusted by the turn of events, Rangers protested vigorously and, although the goal stood, the reserves soon pulled themselves off the pitch. Regrettably, the damage was done and the Yellow and Black could not find the match winner before it became pitch black. It was an especially bitter pill to be forced to swallow, considering the history between the two squads and the fact that they used to drub us 0-8 back in 2005.

Thanks to the Vogel girls for acting as our Junior Rangers for the evening. Rangers conclude the Fall 2007 campaign next Sunday vs. FC Banfield--and only FC Banfield, I've been promised--at the Montessori Earth School. Ranger supporters, family and friends are encouraged to attend...and bring flashlights and glow sticks.

Sean Ingersoll