FC77 Rangers 7 vs. Blue Monk 3

(Scorers: Ntini 30’, 32’, 65’; Foubister 40’; Radigan 52’, McConnachie 72’,80’)

May 28, 2008

Duly inspired by the outstanding performance—and lacking an ‘80s power ballad to weave into the narrative thread of the match summary as I usually do around this time in the season—the Rangers/Blue Monk derby replay report will be presented in the form of a live online Match Tracker summary, as found on the www.uefa.com website during Champion’s League matches. I may not get all of the details exactly right, but I think the spirit is there...

0’ Welcome and good evening to FC77 Rangers Match Tracker!  Match Day
       Seven for the GPSD 0-30 Third Division spring season finds home
       side FC77 Rangers in a much anticipated replay against derby rivals
       Blue Monk here at the Montessori Earth School. 
0’ ‘Gers fans will of course remember the heart-breaking 1-2 loss at
       the death the last time these storied rivals met in late April.
0’ The pitch is freshly mowed but a bit soggy in parts.  The clumping
       grass could be a factor; it looks pretty slick out there but it
       remains to be seen how that will affect Rangers’ scrappy style of
       play. 
0’ The players are trickling onto the pitch.  It looks like ‘Gers will
       be sporting their home yellows...mostly because that’s the only kit
       they have.  Line-ups to be announced shortly.
0’ This just in:  Rangers only have eleven players and the 7:00 p.m.
       kick-off is almost underway.  Starting line-up looks like their
       favored 4-4-2.  Berg, Vogel, Calkins, Bauman, Hayden, Snyder,
       Radigan, Muralt, Ingersoll, Burden and King are all warming up. 
       Ingersoll wins the coin toss and elects to defend the Division
       Street end.  Monk will kick-off.  The weather has been a real factor
       in terms of supporter turn-out this evening. There are currently no
       fans in attendance at the MES.
0’ The referee has blown the whistle and we are underway!  The first
       fifteen minutes are brought to you by Gatorade.  “Is it in you?”
1’ Monk gives away possession and Rangers move forward.
3’ Ingersoll has a shot on goal from the left edge of the box.  It’s
       wide right.
4’ Monk is having some trouble clearing it out of their end.  Rangers
       are bringing it back.
5’ Snyder and King work a short series along the right and have an
       effort.  The Monk keeper collects.
8’ Burden brings the ball up the left sideline and sends a cross into
       the middle.  After some sliding, Monk clears.
10’ The reserves are starting to warm-up under the ‘Gers canopy tent.
       Looks like Lemos, Ntini, Sibanda and Foubister are all suited up.
       We’re getting reports that McConnachie is en route to the pitch. 
       Monk substitutes are also starting to arrive.
12’ Calkins and Bauman run down a rare Monk run through the middle and
       clear it out to Vogel, who distributes up the sideline.  Looks like
       Bauman is harassing one of the Monk midfielders...maybe Switzer?
15’ Blue Monk is adjudged to be in an offside position.  ‘Gers free kick.
15’ Hang on.  We’re experiencing some technical difficulties.

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30’ GOAL!  Ntini (Rangers) scores!  Number 13 gets the home side up
       in front with a daring dribble along the right side, beating two Monk
       defenders and slotting home the shot at nearly point blank range. 
       The fans—if we had any—would be going wild.  (Rangers 1, Blue Monk 0)
32’ GOAL!  Ntini (Rangers) scores!  The ‘Gers striker doubles his
       tally in just over 120 seconds with another dazzling display of
       footwork on the near side.  He practically waltzes into the six yard
       box and passes it past the ‘keeper, who again had no chance. 
       (Rangers 2, Blue Monk 0)
35’ Monk threatens with a quick run along the east touchline and put
       it back to the middle of the box.  Berg scoops it up and punts it
       back upfield.
40’ GOAL!  Foubister (Rangers) scores!  Can you believe it?  Atoning
       for his unlucky miss in the twentieth minute, Foubister runs onto
       the diagonal pass, takes a touch to control, and buries it in the
       middle right of the net.  The last ten minutes have been amazing! 
       (Rangers 3, Blue Monk 0)
43’ It’s almost half-time, No indication from the official about extra
       time yet.  Looks like McConnachie is getting ready for the second
       half. 
45’ GOAL!  Lonnie (Blue Monk) scores!  The away side gets one back
       just before the half.  A quick run and a shot to the far post keeps
       this from being a rout.  (Rangers 3, Blue Monk 1)
45’+1 The first half ends.  A spicy ten minutes of sexy football gives the
       home side the lead, but Bauman reminds the squad in the team huddle
       that ‘Gers have been up before at the half with unfortunate results.
       Spirits are high as both sides switch ends. (Rangers 3, Blue Monk 1)

                                  HALF-TIME

46’ The squads are lined up and ready to play, but the official is
       nowhere to be seen.
46’ We’re not sure what the delay is...
46’ Did someone check the porta-potty?
46’ Seriously.  Is he in the john?
46’ The official blows his whistle and the second half is underway. 
       ‘Gers take the kick, start up the middle, and then swing it to the
       outside. 
49’ Ingersoll runs on to Muralt’s pass to the outside, cuts in past the
       defender and looks to the goal.  He’s got good support calling for
       the pass.  He swings in the cross...
49’ ...the pass goes for the far post.  It’s a little long for McConnachie
       but the keeper is looking a little casual and the ball dinks off the
       left upright.  Unlucky!  He’d like that one back.
50’ The Rangers back line slows up another probing Monk attack.  Berg
       falls on the ball and slings it out to the right.  Here come ‘Gers!
52’ GOAL!  Radigan (Rangers) scores!  Ingersoll’s second cross from
       the far side gets deflected back to the penalty spot where Radigan
       puts a thundering head to it.  The ball dribbles through the keeper’s
       gloves and stops a diameter and a half inside the goal.  Tough break
       for the away side, good fortunes for the Yellow and Black. 
       (Rangers 4, Blue Monk 1)
55’ GOAL!  Lonnie (Blue Monk) scores!  Not to be outdone, Monk’s
       striker answers with another goal of his own after a sprint gets him
       behind the back line and allows him to go one on one with Berg. 
       (Rangers 4, Blue Monk 2)
60’ GOAL!  Lonnie (Blue Monk) scores!  Uh-oh.  Lonnie gets his hat
       trick around the hour mark.  It’s starting to get a little anxious
       here at the Earth School.  “Squeaky bum time” as a great man from
       Scotland once said.  How will ‘Gers respond?  (Rangers 4, Blue Monk 3)
65’ GOAL!  Ntini (Rangers) scores!  Ntini claims a hat-trick of his
       own after a nice feed from McConnachie releases him into the defensive
       line and allows another point blank shot.  The goalie didn’t even try. 
       The bench collectively breathes a little easier. 
       (Rangers 5, Blue Monk 3)
68’ Penalty!  Ntini falls to the ground just inside the Monk box and after
       a moment’s deliberation, the match official points to the spot.  Monk
       is not happy and they are letting everyone know it.  That was a generous
       call, to be sure.  After a minute or so, Ntini steps up to take the
       shot...
71’ ...and in the spirit of sportsmanship and fair play, allows the keeper
       to  stop it.  The Football Karmic Balance has been maintained.  The
       keeper puts the ball back into play and Monk come back at the home side. 
       Lemos and Muralt break up the attack and distribute it wide left to
       Ingersoll.  He spies McConnachie near midfield, just onside of the Monk
       back line, and sends a long ball over the trap.
72’ GOAL!  McConnachie (Rangers) scores!  Aided by fresh wheels,
       McConnachie wins the footrace to the goal and takes Ingersoll’s assist
       straight to the bank.  (Rangers 6, Blue Monk 3)
75’ Surely a six goal effort with fifteen minutes left means victory...?
78’ Hayden clears out another Monk pass and allows the home side to regroup
       on the throw-in.  This is Hayden’s last match of the season as he and
       his family are expecting another baby next week.  The squad wishes the
       Haydens all the very best with their third child and look forward to
       seeing him back on the pitch in the fall.
80’ GOAL!  McConnachie (Rangers) scores!  Ntini returns the favor from
       the previous assist and lays off a tidy pass to McConnachie, who
       collects it and outmaneuvers the keeper to the left before sending the
       seventh goal into a virtually empty net.  (Rangers 7, Blue Monk 3)
84’ Rangers are continuing to make forays at the Monk goal. 
86’ Tempers start to flare when the opposing right back accuses Ingersoll
       of throwing an elbow at him when, in actuality, the strikingly handsome
       skipper was trying to avoid running into him.  Ingersoll responds with
       profanity and something to the effect of “Don’t [bleep] give me that
       [bleep]!  [Bleep!] that!”  Play proceeds after some uncharacteristically
       animated words.
88’ Almost home and dry, boys...
90’ No indication of extra time.  This division could really use a fourth
       official.  Actually, linesmen would be pretty cool, too.
90’+2 The second half ends.  (Rangers 7, Blue Monk 3)

                                  FULL TIME

90’ + A ten goal thriller—and some tense moments early in the second half—ends
       with the second victory of the season for the Yellow and Black.  Ntini
       gets a hat trick, McConnachie gets a brace, and goals from Radigan and
       Foubister round out the scoring.  Coupled with solid performances in the
       midfield and the back line, ‘Gers avenge the derby defeat in the second
       week of the season and look forward to next week’s epic match-up against
       the Azzuri, those whining, son of—

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