Controlled Chaos 1 vs. FC77 Rangers 6

(Scorers: Ntini 4', 60', Burden 9', Radigan 50', McConnachie 75', Vogel 85')

September 13, 2008 - 4:00 p.m. KO - Montessori Earth School

FC77 Rangers opened the title defense of their Spring 2008 Division Championship against recently relegated opponents Controlled Chaos, a former GPSD O-30 Second Division squad...the exact same week that, buried deep beneath the French-Swiss border, the multi-billion dollar Large Hadron Collider was activated in an attempt to discern the mysteries of the Big Bang by analyzing and controlling the chaos of subatomic particle interactions. Hmm... Rangers playing Controlled Chaos. Large Hadron Collider making controlled chaos. Coincidence? I think not. Would Rangers self-destruct in their first test of the season and implode against the unknown opponent? Would the Large Hadron Collider self-destruct in the first test run and implode the entire earth in the resulting black hole/matter-anti matter reaction? (Scientists estimated there was a 1:1,000,000,000,000 chance it could happen!) There was only one way to find out. Get your muons on, baby! It's game time!

Large Hadron Collider

'Gers returned back to the Montessori Earth School under cloudless skies to the rousing support of approximately two dozen supporters. The east sideline was well represented with spouses, Junior Rangers, and a faithful contingent of FC77 Newcastle players sticking around after their 2:00 p.m. match. With such a good crowd on hand, the Yellow and Black were in no mood to disappoint...and so proceeded to kick the living quark out of Controlled Chaos. Welcome to the O-30 Third Division, boys! [Please note: In keeping with the quantum physics theme of this summary, the match report may be filled--nay, littered--with lame science metaphors. Deal with it.]

New goalkeeper Brett Baumgarte, acquired in the off-season to replace Steve Berg, debuted between the sticks for Rangers. The rest of the starting XI included Fahrbach, Vogel, Bauman, and Pullen on the back line; Sibanda, Burden, Radigan and Muralt in the midfield; and Ntini and McConnachie as the strike force. Ingersoll, Foubister, Calkins and eventually Seaton formed the reserves for the afternoon.

Chaos took the opening kick-off and quickly shuttled the ball up the field in attack...not quite as fast as the speed of the protons in the 17 mile tunnel of the Large Hadron Collider (estimated at 99.999999% the speed of light!), but enough to get the defender's attention. One of Brett's first actions as a Ranger was a sprawling one-handed cross-body stop to prevent a sure goal. The resulting counterattack was a thing of beauty as the ball was immediately worked along the far touchline to Ntini who dribbled his way through several defenders before letting fly with a shot from the top of the box. It dropped in the upper-right corner and 'Gers were up 1-0 in the fourth minute. Burden got his name on the score sheet for the first time since his inaugural season five minutes later with a well-placed shot past the keeper after receiving a cross from Ntini. Chaos tightened up their defense for the next thirty-five minutes and kept the score line at 2-0. The defense communicated well with one another to check the occasional through ball and play "safety first" defense to allow numbers to get back as the situation required. Baumgarte's thundering punts and goal kicks allowed the attack to start well into the opposition's half of the pitch and the wings did a great job of opening up the field and sending crosses back into the mixer. Late in the first half, Ingersoll received a tidy lay-off after a fine series of lateral passes and his near post blast was bobbled by the keeper, allowing Muralt to surge forward and head the loose ball. The ball didn't go in, but the resulting collision with the keeper stopped action for a few minutes as ice and cold-packs were applied to the keeper's head. Talk about your large header colliders! (Large header collider? Large Hadron Collider? Get it?)

With only eleven players, Chaos had no substitutes to bolster their numbers and fatigue appeared to become a factor for them as the match continued. Rangers became more bold with their attacks, pushing the fullbacks into striking positions not only on corners but during regular play, too. Jim Seaton, playing left back at the start of the second half, pushed forward and took a rare shot from inside the Chaos box that required an expert save to keep out. Radigan opened his fall account around the fiftieth minute with a cool strike after a flurry of shots and passing in front of the goal mouth found him open in the center. Ntini and McConnachie then took turns for the next fifteen minutes running down Route One balls past the dogged defenders, often beating their trap or simply running them down as they tried to clear it out. Both of them eventually collected their just desserts, with Ntini getting his brace in minute 60 and McConnachie atoning for two other near-misses by expertly finishing a poacher's goal in the seventy-fifth. Vogel finished out the Rangers scoring with a simple tap-in after the Chaos keeper blocked a blast but fumbled the collection. Chaos did collect a goal of their own deep into added time with an inspired solo run, to which their center midfielder quipped, "great job, now we only need five more."

Having opened the fall campaign with a convincing win, 'Gers look forward to the fabled Blue Monk derby next Saturday. A preseason friendly with that squad ended with a 1-1 tie and the Yellow and Black are all too aware that the Monk are eager to avenge their 7-3 defeat from last spring. Be there or be E=mc (squared)!

Next match: Blue Monk vs. FC77 Rangers

Saturday, 20 September, 2008

4:00 p.m. KO

Montessori Earth School

Editor's note: A recent photograph from the Large Hadron Collider revealed the discovery of the most important subatomic particle in the known universe...