Mark Vogel's Testimonial Match

FC77 Rangers bid farewell to their long serving, eternally youthful Canadian utility player Mark Vogel on Saturday, April 3rd with a fine scrimmage between his old club and his new squad, FC77 Newcastle (do you get the symbolism? Hmm? Not bad, eh?), an appropriately awesome ceremony that balanced heartfelt emotion with just a hint of corniness, some killer parting gifts and a couple of strippers dressed up as busty referees.

Actually, I made the strippers part up. That would have been something though.

As previously noted in earlier posts, Vogel's contributions to "The Greatest O-30 Recreational Football Club in the Greater Portland, Area" are so numerous and lengthy that the exact number of years Marky Mark has been with the team is subject to debate. For Saturday's Testimonial Match, we all agreed that 18 years was a good number and in that time, Vogel was a manager, captain, fullback, stopper, sweeper, midfielder, a striker, a goalkeeper and the waterboy. Never once did he ever decline to play any position he was asked and I also remember one occasion when he so diplomatically kicked a large group of children off the field it was like watching the Pied Piper in action.

A good testimonial match should include several key ingredients:

It should be a good-spirited, high scoring affair. Check.

The testimonial honoree should play for both sides. Check.

Nobody should get injured. Check--pretty sure.

The testimonial honoree should score during the match. Check.

'Gers-Newcastle had all of that and, I kid you not, the rain stopped for exactly the amount of time we played. It rained before. It also rained immediately after, but nuthin' was going to put a damper on Marky's party. (Nice cliche. I slay me!) Since it was an inter-club friendly, I'll forego my usual match summary and just leave it as several guys from both sides scored and the match will officially unofficially be remembered as a tie...although it probably wasn't. What is important was that Vogel's second half drop shot from inside the top of the box was just a hint of the Northern Exposure awesomeness that Newcastle will be getting week in and week out.

After the on-field action, the off-field action included awarding Vogel "Man of the Match" honors, complete with a fine bottle of Ross-Switzer wine, and the presentation of his newly retired jersey...which consisted of a black FC77 sweatshirt stenciled with his last name and the number "77" on the back...'cause we don't have enough numbered shirts to "retire" one and take it out of circulation. The affair concluded with adult malted beverages--including Ranger Pale Ale (officer thinking, Jim Snyder!)--adult fermented beverages, juice boxes for the kids and perhaps some fancy tobacco products because sometimes, you just have to say, what the heck. Not, of course, that FC77 Rangers condones smoking.

And then the referee strippers did a dance that can only be described as "intentional handling of the--" Never mind. I can't even write it in jest. It would have been something, though.

Next Match:

FC77 Rangers vs. Controlled Chaos

Sunday, 11 April, 2010

Montessori Earth School

4:00 p.m. KO

"Let's get this party started, Rangers!"