Rangers Stake Their Claim to Awesomeness

There are many ways to proclaim your awesomeness in this world.

You can vocally proclaim, "I'm awesome!" It gets the job done but it may come across as a little needy.

You can date a super model...which is indeed awesome, but honestly, will it last? Does she have "Daddy issues?" And do you really want Perez Hilton blogging about you? (The answer: No. Nobody should ever want to have Perez Hilton do anything to/about/because of you.

Or...you can get a really big [bleep!]ing banner.

Rangers have chosen the latter.

Thanks to the covert and totally awesome efforts of 'Gers defenders Dan Calkins and Brian Bauman, "the Greatest O-30 Recreational Football Club in the Greater Portland, Oregon Area" has just staked our claim to eternal glory...and it is a really big stake. (Chicks dig the big stake, too.) Manager Sean arrived home after another fine day of architectin' to find a new 16'-0" foot Rangers banner proudly flying in his front yard. The installation is all the more impressive because Kendall and my mother-in-law were home the entire time and didn't notice a thing. Rangers are part ninja, you know...that's why we wear black.

The huge sail fin is black with the new Rangers crest at the top. Beneath it, the words: "QUONIAM NOS ES AWESOME, UT EST QUARE!" [Literally translated: "Because we are awesome, that is why!" At least, that's what it says according to an online English to Latin translator. All you fancy pants classically educated folks can politely keep it to yourself if it doesn't actually say that.]

It's big. It's bad. And it can be seen from over two blocks away! I'm writing this in the second story of my house and I'm looking even with it!

Look for it to fly proudly all next season when Rangers don't get hosed by goal differential because of lame forfeit wins and march toward the post-season with the fury of a thousand scorned super models!

"Damn the CCRs, this is my team!"