FC77 Rangers 6:1 Wolfhounds FC

FC77 Rangers 6 - 1 Wolfhounds FC

(Ingersoll [PK] 10', Holstein 15', Burden 20', Payne 30', King 40', Schutte 70')

Losing to Wolfhounds = NOT ACCEPTABLE

A four match losing streak. About half of the team unable to play due to injuries, scheduling conflicts, or drunken carousing in Vegas. (You know who you are. Ahem.) Stagnating at the bottom of the O30-3 division table, below friggin' Hawks of all teams. And now the return leg of the famous Blue Monk Derby against Wolfhounds FC. Desperate times called for...something. A ray of hope. A glimpse of glory. Perhaps a catchy mantra or slogan that could rally the remaining squad members around a common cause of purpose and drive.

Losing to Wolfhounds = NOT ACCEPTABLE

Some things a recreational adult soccer team can't control, like when your bosses make you work on Sunday or the team you coach is doing something teamy at the exact same time. I mean, you can't just not show up for a bunch of kids, right? (Well, technically, I have but my priorities are kind of whack.) But some things a team can control...like getting eleven players on the field. Blessed by last week's reschedule of the KMA match, Manager Seanny did some research and realized that having only played six matches, the team roster was not required by league rules to be closed as it is on the seventh match. As such, he was able to acquire some other on-loan players. Normally that means contacting FC77 Hibernian, the O40 squad, and hoping Brian Gaffney and several others would play another match...but Hibs were playing immediately after the famed Blue Monk Derby in another part of town, so that wouldn't work. Well, bollocks! Wait. Bollocks! FC77 Bollocks! A quick email was sent to Open 2nd Division side FC77 Bollocks manager Jeff Lucas and, happily, he and two or three other players offered to come "help a brother out". Ingersoll also chanced upon former Ranger Dan Holstein at the Timbers-Rapids match Saturday night and casually dropped the nugget he was looking for some players on Sunday. Holstein's eyes lit up and after a few moments, it was evident the Prodigal Son was comin' home to Daddy. And by Daddy I mean Rangers. Just want to clear that up.

Starting XI:

Silverman, goalkeeper

Pullen - Calkins - Payne, fullbacks

Travis from FC77 Bollocks, stopper

Burden - Nic from FC77 Bollocks - Jeff Lucas - Ingersoll, midfielders

Holstein - Youssef, strikers

Reserves (Oh, glorious reserves!):

King, Schutte, and Fahrbach

Not Available:

Abso-freakin'-lutely everybody else

Sometimes everything just clicks. Sometimes the weather is just right, the passes are going where they are supposed to, the ball falls to the right person in a 50/50 challenge, and the opposing goal looms really, REALLY large. Sunday, June 12th at 11:30 a.m. was just such a day. The new players from Bollocks and Holstein immediately found their groove and place in the starting scheme and everything just kind of went the way it used to--the way it is supposed to. Sharp runs down the outside flanks. Smart hold-up and control in the middle. Silverman bored out of his gourd from most of the first half. Ten minutes in, Burden made a run into the 'Hounds box and was adjudged by the match official to have been unfairly tackled by the opposing defensive line. As the 'Gers left winger dropped to the turf, the referee showed no hesitation pointing to the spot.

"You want to take it?" Ingersoll asked Burden.

Ron graciously shrugged it off. "Naw, go ahead."

And thus began a complex (ha!) psychological mind game of captain and keeper. See, Ingersoll and the 'Hounds keeper have played on the same winter team before and one afternoon, during a practice at PSU when Ingersoll was practicing his penalties, he distinctly told this very keeper this: "My coach in high school told me to always shoot at the exact same spot. Make it automatic so you never miss. Find your spot in the net and always shoot at it. I once took a PK in high school and put it so far over the bar that my coach made me take 25 PKs after every practice and I had to shoot at the same spot every time. Since I figured most keepers were right handed, I would shoot right (their left) hoping their left side would be weaker. So every practice my senior year, I took 25 PKs to my right." The 'Hounds keeper is a smart man and I was sure he remembered that conversation. So what would he do? What would I do?

Would he leap to the right because he knew I always shot right? Or would he leap left because he knew I knew he knew I always shot right? Or would he still go right because he knew I knew he knew I knew I shot right but he was trying to fake me out? Or would he go left because he knew I knew he knew I knew he knew I knew I shot right?

Ah...f**k it. I'll kick it down the middle and see what happens.

The keeper leaped right. The ball drilled into the net in the center of the goal. It wasn't Hasli's chip of Keller from the spot over the weekend, but they don't ask how, just how many. 1-0 'Gers.

Losing to Wolfhounds = NOT ACCEPTABLE

Thus began a veritable deluge of goals. Holstein opened his scoring account after only fifteen minutes with the team with a deft move from the left side, finding the net from well within the box and doubling up the score. With Travis subbing himself off due to a calf strain and ankle knock, 'Gers was still left with two subs available and took full advantage of the fresh legs. 2-0 became 3-0 when Burden himself connected also from the left side, sliding a worm-burner into the far corner of the goal and then, just a few minutes later, launching a 25 yard effort that went just wide. The comfortable lead loosened up the side to make smart runs and play with added confidence. Lucas made an unopposed run from his center midfield position to the right side of the box onto Nic's slicing pass behind the 'Hounds back line, but the field was just a little too short to support the move. Nic later played a looping ball from his central midfield position to the left side of the opposing goal, finding Roy Payne of all people making a sixty yard run deep into the box. Payne took full advantage of his rare foray forward and hit the ball with the outside of his foot, sending it across the goal mouth and into the netting for his first goal as a Ranger and the team's fourth of the day. (Not bad considering he was only 90 yards out of position! Ha!) Youssef was integral to several passing plays and King later scored from another left-sided series that beat the keeper near side, I recall, and all but killed any vestige of momentum, hope, or desire 'Hounds may have entertained.

Losing to Wolfhounds = Not Likely at This Point

The back line provided rock solid protection all half. Silverman was required to only make a few collections, mostly long through balls that were fast on the turf, and Calkins, Angry Mike, Fahrbach and Payne (when he wasn't in the other box!) all totally dominated the infrequent balls that got into our half. Lucas eventually dropped back into a stopper role and further denied any 'Hounds movement through the center. 'Hounds started finding more success in the second half as the sides got tired and the field was broken into the "attacking" and the "defending" halves of the team. Eventually, they played a long ball and got lucky, but Payne did make their striker pay for it with a decent tackle to get his pound of flesh for the goal. Schutte answered with a strike of his own--his first goal as a Ranger, too!--midway through the second half after anchoring the center midfield and working the right side enough to get close for a pop. 'Gers did an excellent job of making off-the-ball runs, exploiting space, and retaining possession. The game was wide open back-and-forth for the last twenty minutes, with Silverman making a few of his signature slide tackles to keep additional shots from not happening. I think someone even cracked wise, "Hey, Aaron, a few more tackles like that and we are going to make you a field player!" 'Hounds got a yellow card for dissent late in the match, but the overall mood was generally cordial and the final whistle welcomed by all, including the three Ranger supporters in attendance...Kendall Ingersoll, Toby Holstein, and Paddy's lady friend.

Losing to Wolfhounds = Not Gonna Happen

So another three points, no new cards, and a rousing Blue Monk Derby performance...that's a pretty good afternoon's work. Hey, here's a crazy thought...let's do it again next Saturday against CHA and get a new Streak of Awesomeness started? What do you think? Sound cool? Right on.

Match Summary:

RAN-Ingersoll (PK), 10'

RAN-Holstein, 15'

RAN-Burden, 20'

RAN-Payne, 30'

RAN-King, 40'

WOLF, 60'

RAN-Schutte, 70'

Halftime: RAN 5-0 WOLF

Discipline: WOLF (1) - Dissent

Attendance: 5-19, depending upon what time you counted

Next Match:

CHA CHA CHA 0/30 (0-5-1, 1 point) v FC77 Rangers (2-4-1, 7 points)

Saturday, 18 June, 2011

Gladstone High School

Gladstone, Oregon

8:00 a.m. KO

CHA has one point...from a tie with us.

They have only scored five goals this season...and three of those were against us.

I find this...NOT ACCEPTABLE.