Brian Bauman

From Squad Profiles

Position: Missionary
Hometown: Livermore, California, yes I said California
Pre-game song: I like big butts by Sir Mix-A-Lot
Goals: 1 (even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while)
Bio:

"I wear number 11 because I'm so awesome I need two numbers ones!"

Pre-game ritual: I like to wear socks on my hands and act out a sock puppet plan for how I think the game will go.

After 10 years of heavy alcohol consumption, and general in-activity, and a conservatively estimated weight gain of 60 lbs, that lead to a failed physical for life insurance (can you say biggest loser before the biggest loser, without all the crying or colorful tee shirts) I decided it was time to get back to my original dominating athletic form (still trying to find pictures that prove I ever had a dominating athletic form, I think the dementia is setting in). Focusing on a 5 year weight loss plan I ran the Portland Marathon, dabbled in team adventure racing, ran a few triathlons, and finally found my way back to the sport I grew up playing...soccer. My mom was so proud.

I started with a little indoor soccer playing on the original FC Black Cat (they had to let me play it was my team), where I played against Sean. After a few dominating sessions of indoor (by our team not necessarily me), I felt like it was time to move back outdoors. After the obligatory after match BS session I asked Sean if he was looking for any players for the Rangers. Luckily for me our manager of record was willing to take a flyer on me and look past my serious lack of ball handling skills.

Playing for the league minimum, this will be my second season with the Rangers.

My goal for this season is to make at least half of all the strikers we play cry.