FC77 Rangers 2:2 CHA CHA CHA

FC77 Rangers 2 - 2 CHA CHA CHA

(Burden 60', King 85')

So You Think You Can Dance?

After being shell-shocked during a dreaded twenty-five minute period last week against the Green Dragons, as well as being down several team regulars due to various reasons, the Yellow and Black had every reason to be wary of Match Day Five's Montessori Earth School battle against division leaders--and lovers of capital letters--CHA CHA CHA. CHA CHA CHA looked untouchable with their perfect 4-0 start, crisp orange kits, and large print squad name...until they met a scrappy new dance partner named FC77 Rangers. [Note: For maximum match summary awesomeness, I need you as the blog reader to open a second window on your browser and click on this. Hit play and let it run in the background as you continue reading the rest of this post. Trust Manager Sean. It will be awesome.]

Starting XI:

DeBar, goalkeeper

Seaton - Bauman - Pullen - Fahrbach, fullbacks

Ingersoll - Gaffney - Snyder - Vogel, midfielders

Foubister - McConnachie

Reserves: Burden, King, Calkins, Kevin Ross - On loan player

Lacking a formal scouting report, not much was known about the opposition...until it was discovered that they were actually the team Formally Known as NE Portland Chiropractic. You remember them, don't you? If not--and I didn't either, because our last contest was the truly epic 6-3 come from behind win last June to put us into the Championship and I was in Florida at the time, waiting for a text with the result and then waiting for a follow-up text to clarify if "6-3" meant we won by three or lost by three, please click here to jog your memory. With 'Gers defending the Powell Street End to start and knowing that several players needed to leave at half-time, the strategy against the ten man side was to bum rush them hard and fast early. Unfortunately, they found substitutes within the first ten minutes and then found a goal somewhere around minute twenty on a breakaway charge that keeper DeBar did well to stop, but was unlucky that the bounce fell to the orange crush for the put-in. But you know...they weren't that great. Nobody on our side of the field panicked, and we put together more than a few forays of our own. Their outside backs were especially vulnerable to runs, allowing Ingersoll, Burden, and Vogel to provide service into the middle or try to find Foubister and King for sideline distribution.

The familiar back line, goaded on by Bauman and nicely organized by Pullen, Seaton, Calkins, and Fahrbach in various iterations, was joined by former Blue Monk stopper (and honorary Ranger due to his previous stints with our indoor squad, FC Black Cat) Kevin Ross. Ross ably filled in and even got himself a pop on goal around the 35th minute. With Foubister and King getting looks at the frame, the run of play and possession felt like it was nudging in our favor, but FC77 played with urgency...kind of like a squirrel trying to get a nut...to move our butts...

[Note: If you have not opened up the other window like I insisted, this last sentence will make absolutely no sense. And seem kind of lame.]

CHA's keeper was very strong and made some solid saves to keep it 0-1, but as the warm May sun started to warm up the pitch, tempers also started to rise as the match referee Tom Miller's decision became increasingly sporadic, unclear, and, in the case of any offside decision, just plain non-existent. When 'Gers was awarded a free kick on the edge of the box in added extra time for the first half, McConnachie stepped up and requested the requisite ten yards. Miller walked off a distance that approximated maybe six yards and, when asked to measure it again, refused, we all just assumed he was using the metric system. McConnachie then took a screamer beauty of a dead ball kick, curling it over the wall and just nicking the upper right corner. Unlucky, to be sure, but it was a definite statement of intent.

Is that dope enough? Indeed!

Gaffney and Calkins put in their usual 110% in the center of the pitch before other obligations pulled them away at half-time, but the remaining thirteen were still optimistic and eager for another scrap in the second 45.

And scrap we did.

Rangers decided to turn back the clock to 2007 and play our familiar smash-mouth, go-to-ground, God Bless the orthopedic surgeon style of football. The wet grass seemed to demand it. Obligingly, the Yellow and Black then began an all-out assault on the CHA goal and every single person in front of it. CHA began to plead for fouls that were not fouls. This seemed to upset their shape and allowed Rangers an opening. Burden, making runs all over the pitch from his outside right position, found the equalizer after he received a tidy lateral pass from twenty-five yards out, worked his way forward to just inside the box, and then very purposefully took aim at the near post and slotted a beauty of shot. It sliced inside the upright and, catching just a little frame, bounced across the line and into the net. The resulting roar was equal parts joy and relief.

Unfortunately, the 1-1 tie was short-lived when CHA striker "Zee" took the keeper's punt and made a solo hero run at our goal. Minute 70: 2-1. With time starting to grow short, there was only one thing to do with a team named CHA CHA CHA:

Pause. Take a breath, go for yours on my command!

Everybody dance now!

More tackles. More mid-air challenges and pushes. As the referee continued to let control of the match slip away, Rangers got a throw-in deep in CHA territory with five minutes remaining. McConnachie again stepped up and this time channeled his inner Rory Delap, hurtling a screamer of a toss into the box, catching King surging forward. King's header was a thing o' beauty to the right side of the net. CHA's keeper, steady all afternoon, had no chance. Rangers had one more chance in added extra time to go for a kill shot, again with a throw-in from roughly the same position. Bauman raced in and the resulting collision for the header ruffled some of CHA's feathers, who then retaliated with some pushing and an Eric Cantona-esque kung-fu kick on Bauman...that the referee claimed he didn't see.

Dramatic re-enactment of the CHA CHA CHA fullback

attempting to kung-fu kick Bauman...who blocked the kick

with a nearby old lady.

King, who had subbed off and was working his way back to our bench, took umbrage at the lameness of a karate kick and came back on the field to, um, peacefully and non-violently resolve this conflict using mutually supportive mediation. Actually, he was looking for some ass to kick but unfortunately got yellow carded. The match ended shortly thereafter, a 2-2 draw a fair result, but leaving no doubt whatsoever who really wins the "new rival" poll question from last week.

Cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha (X2)

Match notes...Attendance was approximately seven, with two for our side and five for CHA...Junior Rangers Ethan and Rory Snyder proudly represented the squad for the afternoon...Absolutely nothing having to do with swine flu was reported during the course of the match...The tie was CHA's first dropped points all season...Due to local media blackout restrictions, no photographs are available from the match...

Next Match:

FC77 Rangers v. No Subs - Replay

Sunday, May 10 - 12:00 noon KO

Montessori Earth School

Yes, this is Mother's Day...and what better way to honor your mother than by

exacting sweet, sweet revenge on those No Subs motherfu--[deleted]