Ron King

From Squad Profiles

Position: In the fold-out camp chair, closest to the beer cooler.
Hometown: Tustin, CA ... if you don’t know where that is I’m not telling.
Pre-game song: Hell's Bells by AC/DC
Goals: 17
Bio:

Age: 38 or something

Pre-game ritual: Umm, telling myself I shouldn't play this week because it's too soon, the lower back isn't quite there yet ... then playing anyway, but poorly. Then groaning like an AARP member for 3 days. Hopefully this season I can get back to form. I really would like this team to keep clawing its way up the ladder, even if it's just one lousy point more than last season.

Favorite team: Elizabeth Hurley

Favorite color: Elizabeth Hurley

started playing futbol when I was a wee sprout in Southern Cal. I was that annoyingly speedy little midget/rabbit you had to chase around. They would post me as striker at the fullback line to cherry-pick, then send a long one into enemy territory, where I would invariably outpace the back line, dribble past the small keeper trying to guard that HUGE regulation goal, and put one on the board. This worked wonderfully until about age 15, when my brother and I both got passed over for the all-star team by the 2nd-place coach who didn't like my Pop [not the first time nor the last] or our first-place team.

That was the end of my storied soccer career, v1.0, but that was okay because I had recently discovered girls, beer, surfing, skateboarding, and teenage rascalism in general. I did continue playing baseball in high school, but there was a lot more bench-sitting and pitch-charting than actual playing. It seems the "talent had caught up" with my not-so-fastball. This worked out nicely, though ... the scorekeeper girl was a cutie and I got to spend a lot of “quality time” sitting on that bench next to her. She became my first high school girlfriend. Hahaha!! How d'ya like them apples, ya hotshot starters!!

Got the futbol bug again in 2000 when I moved to Portland and started playing some indoor. One thing I noticed immediately, much to my surprise and disappointment, was that I couldn't just outrun the backline anymore. I also noticed that sometime in those intervening years someone had stolen my lungs and replaced them with a beer storage cavity. Ahh, such is life. Blew out my right ACL but got it fixed up ... still had the futbol bug.

Dude on my team said I should try some outdoor, which found me on a pretty poor Division 4 team, which disbanded. Then I signed up with FC Orange, which was D3 Open at the time. That team was fun but some prick slid into me on a ball in the box and snapped my ankle in half. Compound fracture of the left fibula. We’re talking Joe Theisman worthy. Quite scary, but the doc fixed me up good. I have all kinds of hardware in that ankle ... I'm pretty sure it picks up satellite signals on occasion. Still couldn't shake the futbol jones. What do they say? It’s the things you love that get you in the end?

Came back with a D3 Open team as fullback. We graduated to D2 Open. D2 Open was a whole different universe. Now I was watching in horror as 19-year-olds ran past ME with impunity. Actually I didn't care ... I just wanted OXYGEN!!! Then McConnachie reminded me about the FC77 Rangers and the rest is glorious history.