FC77 Rangers 8:2 KMA

FC77 Rangers 8 - 2 KMA

(Burden 18'; Radigan 30', 40', 60', 78'; Switzer 50'; McConnachie 70' and 84')

First off, I'm gonna come right out and admit the following: This match summary will not do full justice to all of the goal-scoring awesomeness that transpired on Sunday, 8 November...because there was a lot of goals. So many goals. And you know how like at your bachelor party one shot of tequila (or Jaegermeister!) becomes two, and two becomes four, and pretty soon you are kind of numb to everything that is going on and everything becomes a blurry haze of more tequila (or Jaegermeister!) and strippers? From a footballing perspective, Match Day Nine was like that...only without tequila (Jaegermeister!)...and strippers.

With two regular season matches left, 'Gers situation was pretty clear cut: Win one of the last two matches, earn 19 points in the table, lock up second place and thus, earn a spot in the championship match. With last place KMA coming to the Montessori Earth School first and first place Salem Kickers calling last, logic would suggest the three points would be more easily achieved this Sunday instead of next. A tie might be enough, two ties would probably do it, a loss by either No Subs, Dawgs, or Hawks would likely be adequate, etc. etc. Anything less than a win complicated and muddied the post-season picture, so the Yellow and Black took the easy way out: Absolute, unconditional annihilation.

Starting XI:

Silverman, goalkeeper

Seaton - Pullen - Fahrbach, fullbacks

Calkins, holding midfielder

Burden - Radigan - Snyder - Ingersoll, midfielders

McConnachie - Switzer, forwards

Reserves (hooray!): King, Bennouri, DeBar

A big win over KMA in the first leg might have lulled other squads into a false sense of security, but KMA put three goals on the Kickers and beat No Subs, so they were not a club to be taken lightly. Manager Sean charged his squad to go all out from the start: "KMA may mean Kiss My Ass, but today KMA can SMD." (Get it? Not bad, eh?) Loaded with adequate substitutes at all positions, a pro-tackling muddy pitch, and everything to play for, 'Gers unleashed one of their most potent offensive displays against a full-strength side in quite some time. A highlight reel would last about 88 minutes and include these moments:

1. Burden poaches the goal kick just shy of the twentieth minute and returns fire from outside the corner of the box. The arching shot sails over the keeper and smacks into the far corner of the net. KMA shoulders visibly slump.

2. Radigan claims the entirety of KMA's goal box as Aaronsylvania and begins to systematically evict KMA from it. After an early attempt on goal is stymied by three defenders, he follows up in the 30th minute with a similar run through the middle and buries the ball past the keeper, who has already had to make about seven saves and is muddier than his sweeper.

3. Ingersoll intercepts a KMA throw-in and crosses the ball the entire width of the pitch to an onrushing Bennouri, who advances forward and passes to King in the box. King turns and lays off to Radigan, surging unmarked into the box. Alone with not even the keeper to beat, he passes into the net and laughs, "That one came postage paid!" KMA is very distraught.

4. Switzer gets his fifth goal of the season early in the second half with a shot that was described by three different players as physically impossible under the conventions of accepted Newtonian physics. Moving toward the near post with a defender two feet from the upright, Switzer's cross becomes a "cross with benefits" when it squeezes past the defender and the post.

5. Radigan wins a third term as mayor of the KMA goal box with another feed from the right, a calm collection, and then beating the stranded keeper to the right. It should be noted that he ran unopposed in this election.

6. McConnachie picks up his third strike of the season with a run down the western sideline, getting behind the exhausted backs, and lobbing over the keeper into the far corner of the net. McConnachie had been locking in his range all match and finally found net with twenty minutes to go.

7. Radigan scores again. Sorry, man, I also don't remember any specifics on this one. Umm, you were in the middle? You knocked somebody down? You got one-on-one with the keeper and beat him to one side? Sure! KMA's goal box officially secedes from the rest of the pitch.

8. McConnachie drops the eighth goal with six minutes remaining. Not unlike his first goal, he beats the defense, squares up with the keeper and lopes a casual ball over his head into the back of the net.

9. Silverman makes his usual three or four bomber saves to frustrate KMA sorties. Two saves in the first half required some fancy footwork as the quagmire in front of the net caused him to slip, but he ably recovered his footing and smothered the shots. The second half saw him smack away a rocket blast from a diagonal run.

10. Pullen, Calkins, Snyder, Fahrbach, DeBar, and Seaton methodically shut down KMA's limited attacks and redistribute the ball back up the field. A tackle from behind on Pullen causes the fiery defender to lash out at the offending striker, but Referee Pete successfully intervenes and "no harm, no foul." Literally, 'cause we got the free kick.

11. KMA attempts to substitute an injured player back on with only a few minutes remaining. He is discouraged by his teammates, who say, "We've lost this [bleeping] game! Don't risk it! It's over!" It's not often that you can make your opponent "tap out", so to speak.

12. Ingersoll left at halftime to go to his daughter's final U10 Select match, only to find out three blocks from I-205 that her match had been canceled, so he pulled a totally illegal U-turn on Division Street and got back ten minutes into the second half. This surprised the hell out of the rest of the team, who probably just thought he was the worst soccer dad of all time. He then proceeded to make one decent clearance and one not-so-decent one that deflected off a KMA midfielder and smacked right into his face. "Looks pretty solid for a ghost!" Silverman joked.

13. Calkins earned himself a shot on goal with a surging run from the back late in the match. You gotta love it when your defenders get forward and you gotta love it even more when they get to shoot...but you gotta love it most of all when they can shoot from damn near the six yard box!

With the three necessary points secured at the end of the day, 'Gers look forward to the season finale against the Salem Kickers...and then a daring, daunting date with destiny in December at Delta Park (ooh! nice alliteration!)

Match notes...Attendance was estimated at approximately a dozen, with KMA's supporter's corps forming the overwhelming balance of spectators...Nabyl's daughter was the Junior Ranger for the match...

Next Match:

FC77 Rangers v. Salem Kickers (second leg)

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Montessori Earth School

10:00 AM KO