FC77 Rangers 1:2 Salem Kickers

FC77 RANGERS 1 - 2 SALEM KICKERS

GPSD O-30 Third Rose City

Division Championship

(Ingersoll 65')

"OK, guys, I don't have any more practices at PSU. I don't have any more motivational YouTube clips or awesome quotes from Bob ("I didn't join this team to play in a championship. I joined this team to win a championship!") All I got is you guys and even though it is colder than a witch's tit out here right now, there is no place else I would rather be than here on this field playing soccer with you guys. Something something overuse of the word 'awesome'. Something something gratuitous profanity. Everybody in this entire arena knows that the Kickers are in the wrong division. Let's make their last match in this division one they would rather forget. Rangers on three. One! Two! Three! RANGERS!!"

--Manager Sean Ingersoll's pre-match team talk. Mostly.

The final match for the Fall 2009 O-30 Third Rose City division was truly the epic clash befitting the occasion. FC77 Rangers and the Salem Kickers saved the most exciting, most physical, most out and out awesome 90 minutes for last and although the final score line didn't favor 'Gers, everything was left on the pitch and every single guy in a yellow jersey was able to walk away with their head held high. We may not have won, but we sure as hell did good.

Starting XI:

Silverman, goalkeeper

Pullen - Bauman - Calkins, fullbacks

Snyder, holding midfielder

Burden - Radigan - Muralt - Ingersoll, midfielders

Switzer - Bennouri, strikers

Reserves: Fahrbach, Gaffney, King, McConnachie, Seaton, Vogel (injured)

With a crowd of approximately 40 gathered in the arctic conditions at PCC Rock Creek Field #1--temperatures and a howling gale put the wind chill factor down around 10-15 degrees--Yellow and Black met Blue for the third time this season. Having practiced the previous two Sundays at PSU's turf Community Recreation Field, 'Gers hoped to avoid the mistakes of last fall when the unfamiliar playing surface wreaked havoc on our game and cost us early goals. Motivated to get underway and thus stave off frostbite and hypothermia, Rangers went all out from the opening whistle. Both sides traded possession early on, with the Kickers often looking to pass through their middle and 'Gers going to the wings. Bennouri found some early success down the left touchline and his dribbling would prove to be a thorn in the Kicker's side all afternoon. Bauman and Snyder kept the back line well-organized and working together, parrying the occasional Kicker thrust and directing Pullen and Calkins to intercept outside passes and dribbles that ventured too far forward. Radigan was called for a pair of early fouls as he reinforced his dominance on the Salem center but stayed out of the referee's book. Things started to look promising when Muralt's dish to Ingersoll allowed him to break down the right side. A fortuitous bounce off Kicker center back Greg Keyte allowed the skipper to spin free and surge forward, but his final touch back to the middle for Bennouri and/or Switzer was off and was only rewarded with a corner kick, not a shot on goal.

Then, against the run of play, a fluke: A Kicker move back to the inside from the wing gets their forward open for just a moment and his shot from outside the box jerks wildly in the frigid wind and just beats Silverman under the crossbar. It was either brilliant or lucky and given the visible wind dynamics as it arched over the top, I'm inclined to say lucky. Down 0-1 after fifteen minutes, 'Gers collected themselves and went back to work, calm and nonplussed. Burden, Radigan and Switzer had some good interplay on the left and sent Bennouri behind the defense on another mazy dribble. Juking his marker, he sprinted to the end line and sent a beautiful low pass across the face of the goal. Ingersoll similarly got free of his man and stretched forward to slot it home...but his leading foot tripped on the turf and what should have been an easy tap-in went horribly awry and the ball flashed wide of the goal. The bench "oohhhed!" in disappointment and Ingersoll used angry, terrible words to himself as he sprawled out flat in the goal mouth.

Chances continued to come FC77's way and keep hope alive. King got free on another Route One run and also found the turf not to be his friend. Radigan and McConnachie both got pops at goal but were stymied by the keeper, the wind, or perhaps a little of both. The cold started to be a factor, too, with Pullen and Seaton subbing out because of tight hamstrings. Gaffney and Fahrbach both proved to be able substitutes and 'Gers continued to hold their shape until...

...then, again against the run of play, a goal that was not a fluke: Salem found a delay left wing runner streaking clear far side and the service to him was divine. He hit the ball first time, on the volley I think, and put in a second goal around the 30th minute. It was a well-taken shot and not one to be begrudged, so it was with an hour to go that Rangers were down 0-2.

That was, however, the last goal they would score this season.

Silverman made two (maybe three) stops to finish the half and was reasonably unbothered, save one shot that hit the side netting. The centers all adopted an unspoken of "bodying up" on the Kicker middies and disrupting their distribution. Salem complained about the physical play, but the cards stayed in the pocket and allowed 'Gers to continue to work the outsides. FC77 flashed another shot just left of the uprights and Ingersoll's cutback outside their box earned him a blast that would have been good in rugby, but high, wide and handsome in this type of footy.

With the half-time whistle, the team came off determined and unbroken. "We are still in this game!" Bauman yelled as the team huddled together to fend off hypothermia. Rangers would get the wind at our backs for the second half. There was no sense of defeat, no hopelessness in the gazes of the eighteen guys standing around the bench. Just 45 more minutes to represent, as the kids like to say.

Represent we did.

Muralt and Radigan went back to work breaking up the plays in the middle, either by intercepting the passes or by hacking down the player. Bennouri went back to work dribbling down the east wing. One such run beat at least three Kickers en route to the far touchline, and his wormer-burner cross through the penalty spot was just beyond both Muralt and Radigan's runs into the box; literally, if either of those guys had been an inch taller, they would have netted--it was that close. [Note: One Salem supporter was so impressed by Bennouri's run he came down to our side to compliment the bench on the play. Umm...thank you?] The Kicker keeper found the wind-assisted shots to be more frequent but he was still equal to the task. A quick counter looked threatening for FC77 until Bauman picked the striker's pocket and turned the play around, much to his opposite number's chagrin. Play moved end to end for much of the first fifteen minutes of the half until 'Gers finally got the little bit of luck they needed.

Ingersoll subbed on for Burden around the 60th minute and not five minutes later, got a beautiful ball sent out toward the right corner by Radigan. The skipper raced past the defender and struck the ball first time, approximately 20-25 yards from the goal mouth, maybe ten yards from the corner flag. In the interest of full disclosure, it was a cross. It was always supposed to be a cross. I saw two yellow shirts plugging the middle and I thought if I could get it to drop in the mixer, maybe we would get a lucky bounce and a shot. The wind, however, had other ideas and drifted the arching blast closer and closer toward the net. The keeper dropped back and lunged to deflect it, but it careened into the upper far corner and splashed into the net. The Ranger bench, led by Vogel and supporter Gary Foubister, all erupted into mad cheers. Ingersoll, not one to hold back, also exploded into his typical quasi-hysterical, semi-intelligible vocalizations. "YEAAAAHAHHAHAHAAHAH!!!!" As the team turned to walk back to the center circle, the manager only had one thought in mind: We need another goal and we need to get it now. "GET THE F**KING BALL!! GET THE F**KING BALL!!" he roared, much to the chagrin of every parent with a child under fifteen in a two mile radius.

The ball was duly collected and the rekick taken fairly quickly. 'Gers literally threw everything but the kitchen sink at the Kickers in hopes of an equalizer and produced 25 of the most exciting soccer minutes this year. The midfield was up and back. The strikers went balls to the wall toward their goal every time the ball went long. The defenders hacked and slashed their way at every foray in our half of the field. Burden, Ingersoll, Switzer, McConnachie, King, Radigan, and Bennouri all took shots at the goal. 'Gers won multiple corner kicks and fed about a dozen crosses back into the goal mouth. When the Kickers surged forward to counterattack, Gaffney, Calkins, Bauman, and Snyder all threw themselves at the ball. One Kicker strike blasted off the woodwork. A second foray saw Salem get their striker free...only to be stuffed by Silverman, who flew off his line in anticipation. After the impact, however, the ball ricocheted off the crashing bodies and continue to bounce wildly towards our open goal. With the Salem bench screaming "Ohhhh!" in hopes of a third score, Bauman frantically chased the errant ball down and slide-cleared it away just a foot or so from the goal line...not a fun thing on turf in fifteen degree weather.

The second goal was just not to be, however. All the corners and passing yielded chances, but not the clear-cut look at goal we craved. A bouncing shot in the 89th that caused the Salem keeper to lunge low to his left just wouldn't find the net. A corner in the 90th went short and got punted down field. With Ingersoll asking the referee every three minutes how much time was left and Salem in "kick it away defensive mode", it was with frostbitten hearts that the final whistle brought the match to a close.

We may not have gotten our trophy back--yet--but we certainly regained our pride and put up the toughest fight Salem saw all autumn. Considering the only time the Kickers won by less than three goals this fall was when a squad forfeited against them, I view our 1-2 defeat as a tribute to our teamwork, heart, hustle and--yes, say it with me--all around awesomeness. We played great football. Against any other team in our division, that effort would have yielded a massive drubbing. (Remember that when we play No Subs in the spring, boys.) We have a fantastic team. He have great players at every position and a bunch of unsung heroes who play wherever they are asked, whenever they are asked. When I said at the start of the match "...there is no place else I would rather be than here on this field playing soccer with you guys..." I wasn't just talking about a match. I was talking about all of them. You guys are awesome and thanks for paying your fees, stepping up to help if I ask, and generally not being a dick. I try to make Sundays on the pitch kind of fun and I believe we are doing a pretty good job.

Enough sappy crap. We have one team function left. We must party. I'll email you all after the first of the new year, but keep Saturday, January 16th open.

Have a great holiday season and a Happy New Year, Rangers!

Match notes...Andre DeBar and Bullie Sibanda were unavailable to play because of injury...Kendall Ingersoll was the Junior Ranger for the afternoon...Ingersoll lost the coin toss, preserving his streak of five consecutive coin toss losses when he is asked to "call it in the air"...Junior Rangers Ethan and Rory Snyder brought a Rangers banner and were rewarded with delicious holiday cookies...Photos by Becki Ingersoll...Silverman provided a fun new counterpart to Vogel's famous water jug; let's just say that "every king deserves a crown" and leave it at that...

2010 Rangers Calendars Available!

FC77 RANGERS : 2010 CALENDAR OF AWESOMENESS

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When your child points to the wall and asks, "Daddy, why are you on that calendar?" just look them in the eyes and say, "Because I'm awesome, that's why!"

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"It's the coolest thing you can point to in your recreational footballing career until you get your own Bobblehead!"

This is what happens when your manager gets bored on a rainy Saturday and discovers the "Calendar" widget in his iPhoto program!

Division Championship Match Scheduled

GPSD Over-30 Third Rose City

Division Championship Match

Salem Kickers vs. FC77 Rangers

(10 - 0 - 0 ) (6 - 3 - 1)

Sunday, December 6th, 2009

Portland Community College

Rock Creek Campus - Field #1

1:30 p.m. Kick-Off

FC77 Fans: Wear Yellow and/or Black to support your local club!

Any kids who make a Rangers banner for the match will get a special prize!

Rangers: Please be at the pitch by 1:00 p.m.at the latest

FC77 Rangers 3:7 Salem Kickers

FC77 Rangers 3 - 7 Salem Kickers

(Switzer 35' and 85'; McConnachie 40')

With the Fall 2009 regular season drawing to a close, Rangers found themselves at the Montessori Earth School against the dominating Salem Kickers for the finale. This second meeting of the O-30 Third Rose City titans could be viewed as the epic sequel to Match Day Three's frustrating rout in the Cherry City...OR...more accurately, it could be seen as the pivotal middle clash in a dramatic trilogy of kick-ass footballing titans battling for eternal recreational sports glory! The formula is most obvious, on a slightly different scale, in most every "Rocky" movie ever made during the final fight. In the first part of the fight--say, rounds one through five--Rocky pretty much gets his ass handed to him. Like a 0-5 (not 0-6!) loss in soccer. In the middle part of the fight, generally rounds 6-10, the indefatigable protagonist battles through adversity and pending defeat to start delivering some punishment of his own...usually working the middle over when all seems lost and getting some good strikes to prove the adversary isn't invincible after all. Hope is not lost. Like a 3-7 defeat in soccer on Match Day Ten.

Then comes the third and final act: A vicious street fight for all the marbles. Nothing left to lose and everything to fight for...and it can end in two different ways: It can end with everything left on the mat/pitch in noble, dignified defeat, like "Rocky"...OR...it can end in uproarious, awesome victory with the crowd screaming your name and your spouse running out to give her bloody, sweat-stained man a dramatic kiss, like in "Rocky II", "Rocky III", "Rocky IV", probably "Rocky "V" (didn't see it) and "Rocky Balboa" (sorry, didn't see that one either.)

Well, Rangers. Which ending is it gonna be?

To give further dramatic umph to this post, I wanted some rousing background music from "Rocky" to get your blood pumping in advance of the final championship match. Bill Conti's "Gonna Fly Now", the legendary Rocky theme when he runs the steps of Philly? Cliched. Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger"? Too obvious. No, instead I offer Robert Tepper's "No Easy Way Out", the rousing montage theme that plays in "Rocky IV" when Balboa is deciding to fight Ivan Drago after he kills Apollo Creed in the ring. Not the obvious choice, but that's how 'Gers roll:

Starting XI:

DeBar, goalkeeper

Pullen - Bauman - Seaton, fullbacks

Calkins, holding midfielder

Bennouri - Radigan - Snyder - Ingersoll, midfielders

Switzer - McConnachie, strikers

Reserves: Burden, Fahrbach, King, Gaffney

'Gers came out aggressively from the opening kick-off with Radigan making two hard challenges in the first few minutes. Referee Ernie went to his pocket early and carded the center midfielder for a tackle on Salem Kicker Kevin Plechl after just five minutes. The Kickers began to play their familiar possession ball through the center of the pitch, always looking for a fast sortie behind our defense. Their first goal came around the tenth minute and a second not long after that. When the third went in around the thirtieth minute, the situation seemed all but hopeless...

...but then Rocky--er, Rangers--started to rally. Switzer answered in the 35th minute with a run through the middle. His shot just beat the onrushing defender, who crashed into his jaw and left Switzer sprawled on the grass for several minutes. The ball rolled just past the keeper and was almost kicked off the line by another retreating defender, but his attempt at a clearance bounced off the inside of the upright, leaving the ball in the net. 1-3. As Switzer hobbled off the pitch, 'Gers realized that Drago--er, the Kickers--were not invincible. This collective realization emboldened the Yellow and Black who started moving forward in attack with more vigor. McConnachie doubled up the FC77 tally about five minutes later with another direct run that caught their keeper stranded. His shot back across the goal landed in the net and never had a chance of being blocked. 2-3...hmm... FC77 continued to rush forward, allowing fullback "Angry" Mike Pullen to get a shot on goal and apply regular pressure on the Powell Street End. Calkins also was cautioned for dissent on a blown offside trap call that saw the striker go one on one with DeBar. Calkins' vociferous protestations would normally have been ignored by the official until after advantage had been played, but Referee Ernie seemed to take special umbrage at the holding midfielder and stopped play to issue a caution...then gave us a drop ball in our box...making it the most brilliant professional foul ever! No contact! With a prime goal-scoring chance nullified, Rangers resumed play with our lines reformed.

Seaton came off with a hamstring pull late in the half and was ably attended to by unofficial team physio Thom Fahrbach, who had also previously inspected Switzer's jaw. Only down a goal at half, hopes were high for the second half, but Kickers didn't go 9-0 without a reason and managed to add several more goals during the course of the half. The boggy conditions were probably as much a hinderance as they were an advantage to our pro-tackle defending, with players on both sides sliding and struggling for balance. 'Gers collected a third with five minutes to go when Ingersoll and King worked some short passes inside the box, King releasing Ingersoll just outside the six. The manager blasted an outside of the foot shot at the Kickers' keeper, who fumbled the possession to Switzer's feet and allowed him to tap in a brace from point blank distance.

So it was that the second act ended in defeat, but with marked signs of improvement and optimism for the final, epic Asoccerlypse. Without a doubt, the Kickers are probably the best team we've faced since...Bridgetown 0-30 FC?

Hmm...how did that finish up again...?

Match notes...Attendance varied from 10-16, with Salem bringing a half dozen supporters...The three goals Rangers put in represented almost 23% of the total goals the Kickers gave up all season...'Nuther Nike ball was lost over the fence during the match...

Next Match:

O-30 Third Division Rose City Championship

FC77 Rangers v. Salem Kickers

Time and Date To Be Determined

First Test of the Rangers Death Ray

As Manager Sean continues to figure out how to break down the Salem Kickers in anticipation of next Sunday's season finale, he offers this image showing the first test of his "death ray" as a viable strategy for stopping the Kickers potent offense.

Apparently, I don't have enough to do.

FC77 Rangers 8:2 KMA

FC77 Rangers 8 - 2 KMA

(Burden 18'; Radigan 30', 40', 60', 78'; Switzer 50'; McConnachie 70' and 84')

First off, I'm gonna come right out and admit the following: This match summary will not do full justice to all of the goal-scoring awesomeness that transpired on Sunday, 8 November...because there was a lot of goals. So many goals. And you know how like at your bachelor party one shot of tequila (or Jaegermeister!) becomes two, and two becomes four, and pretty soon you are kind of numb to everything that is going on and everything becomes a blurry haze of more tequila (or Jaegermeister!) and strippers? From a footballing perspective, Match Day Nine was like that...only without tequila (Jaegermeister!)...and strippers.

With two regular season matches left, 'Gers situation was pretty clear cut: Win one of the last two matches, earn 19 points in the table, lock up second place and thus, earn a spot in the championship match. With last place KMA coming to the Montessori Earth School first and first place Salem Kickers calling last, logic would suggest the three points would be more easily achieved this Sunday instead of next. A tie might be enough, two ties would probably do it, a loss by either No Subs, Dawgs, or Hawks would likely be adequate, etc. etc. Anything less than a win complicated and muddied the post-season picture, so the Yellow and Black took the easy way out: Absolute, unconditional annihilation.

Starting XI:

Silverman, goalkeeper

Seaton - Pullen - Fahrbach, fullbacks

Calkins, holding midfielder

Burden - Radigan - Snyder - Ingersoll, midfielders

McConnachie - Switzer, forwards

Reserves (hooray!): King, Bennouri, DeBar

A big win over KMA in the first leg might have lulled other squads into a false sense of security, but KMA put three goals on the Kickers and beat No Subs, so they were not a club to be taken lightly. Manager Sean charged his squad to go all out from the start: "KMA may mean Kiss My Ass, but today KMA can SMD." (Get it? Not bad, eh?) Loaded with adequate substitutes at all positions, a pro-tackling muddy pitch, and everything to play for, 'Gers unleashed one of their most potent offensive displays against a full-strength side in quite some time. A highlight reel would last about 88 minutes and include these moments:

1. Burden poaches the goal kick just shy of the twentieth minute and returns fire from outside the corner of the box. The arching shot sails over the keeper and smacks into the far corner of the net. KMA shoulders visibly slump.

2. Radigan claims the entirety of KMA's goal box as Aaronsylvania and begins to systematically evict KMA from it. After an early attempt on goal is stymied by three defenders, he follows up in the 30th minute with a similar run through the middle and buries the ball past the keeper, who has already had to make about seven saves and is muddier than his sweeper.

3. Ingersoll intercepts a KMA throw-in and crosses the ball the entire width of the pitch to an onrushing Bennouri, who advances forward and passes to King in the box. King turns and lays off to Radigan, surging unmarked into the box. Alone with not even the keeper to beat, he passes into the net and laughs, "That one came postage paid!" KMA is very distraught.

4. Switzer gets his fifth goal of the season early in the second half with a shot that was described by three different players as physically impossible under the conventions of accepted Newtonian physics. Moving toward the near post with a defender two feet from the upright, Switzer's cross becomes a "cross with benefits" when it squeezes past the defender and the post.

5. Radigan wins a third term as mayor of the KMA goal box with another feed from the right, a calm collection, and then beating the stranded keeper to the right. It should be noted that he ran unopposed in this election.

6. McConnachie picks up his third strike of the season with a run down the western sideline, getting behind the exhausted backs, and lobbing over the keeper into the far corner of the net. McConnachie had been locking in his range all match and finally found net with twenty minutes to go.

7. Radigan scores again. Sorry, man, I also don't remember any specifics on this one. Umm, you were in the middle? You knocked somebody down? You got one-on-one with the keeper and beat him to one side? Sure! KMA's goal box officially secedes from the rest of the pitch.

8. McConnachie drops the eighth goal with six minutes remaining. Not unlike his first goal, he beats the defense, squares up with the keeper and lopes a casual ball over his head into the back of the net.

9. Silverman makes his usual three or four bomber saves to frustrate KMA sorties. Two saves in the first half required some fancy footwork as the quagmire in front of the net caused him to slip, but he ably recovered his footing and smothered the shots. The second half saw him smack away a rocket blast from a diagonal run.

10. Pullen, Calkins, Snyder, Fahrbach, DeBar, and Seaton methodically shut down KMA's limited attacks and redistribute the ball back up the field. A tackle from behind on Pullen causes the fiery defender to lash out at the offending striker, but Referee Pete successfully intervenes and "no harm, no foul." Literally, 'cause we got the free kick.

11. KMA attempts to substitute an injured player back on with only a few minutes remaining. He is discouraged by his teammates, who say, "We've lost this [bleeping] game! Don't risk it! It's over!" It's not often that you can make your opponent "tap out", so to speak.

12. Ingersoll left at halftime to go to his daughter's final U10 Select match, only to find out three blocks from I-205 that her match had been canceled, so he pulled a totally illegal U-turn on Division Street and got back ten minutes into the second half. This surprised the hell out of the rest of the team, who probably just thought he was the worst soccer dad of all time. He then proceeded to make one decent clearance and one not-so-decent one that deflected off a KMA midfielder and smacked right into his face. "Looks pretty solid for a ghost!" Silverman joked.

13. Calkins earned himself a shot on goal with a surging run from the back late in the match. You gotta love it when your defenders get forward and you gotta love it even more when they get to shoot...but you gotta love it most of all when they can shoot from damn near the six yard box!

With the three necessary points secured at the end of the day, 'Gers look forward to the season finale against the Salem Kickers...and then a daring, daunting date with destiny in December at Delta Park (ooh! nice alliteration!)

Match notes...Attendance was estimated at approximately a dozen, with KMA's supporter's corps forming the overwhelming balance of spectators...Nabyl's daughter was the Junior Ranger for the match...

Next Match:

FC77 Rangers v. Salem Kickers (second leg)

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Montessori Earth School

10:00 AM KO

FC77 Rangers 2:2 Dawgs

FC77 Rangers 2 - 2 Dawgs

(Muralt 75', Ingersoll 90')

An eerie, chilling mist clung to the dank, wet ground of the Montessori Earth School. The grounds smelled of waste--well, they did by the portable toilet--mixed with rotting leaves and the bitter stench of despair. Eight brave Rangers made the treacherous journey for Match Day Eight of the GPSD Rose City Over-30 Third fall 2009 season, but as the creaky metal gate swung open and the opposition poured onto the pitch, ashen-faced and clad in dreary gray, numbering nearly ten and five strong, it was obvious that this was not the same team that the Yellow and Black faced in the season opener. They were...different. A low growl rumbled forth from their growing numbers and, although hard to hear in the morning fog, it soon became obvious this would not be another walk in the park. They wanted vengeance...and they wanted more than a simple victory...they wanted our BRAINS!

THEY WERE ZOMBIES!

[Editor's note: Inspired by Seth Grahame-Smith's Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, and the fact that it is the day after Halloween, this match summary will have a distinctly undead slant to it. Read on...if you dare!]

Starting VIII (what the f**k?):

Silverman, goalkeeper

DeBar - Calkins - Fahrbach, defenders

Radigan - Muralt - Ingersoll, midfielders

Switzer, striker and de facto attacking midfielder

Reserves: Bennouri, Burden, Gaffney, and Steve Gemmell

Down to almost the barest of numbers due to injuries, coaching conflicts, and...zombie abductions, I guess...the home side threw together a hasty 3-3-1 formation as the visitors licked their dead, fleshy chops at the site of the slim numbers before them. "You didn't give us any players the last time," one of them noted prior to kick-off, referencing the irony of the season opener when they had nine players and 'Gers had, like seventeen. (Sigh.) "It's payback time! Brains!" Referee Luke blew the match to a start and 'Gers began to withstand wave after wave of undead attacks in the vain hope that our ranks would swell. They soon did as Steve Gemmell, a Dawg player who wanted to play more than eat our entrails, joined the Rangers and played up front with Switzer before getting moved back into the center of the formation. Bennouri and Burden also showed up about fifteen-twenty minutes into the match.

When faced with overwhelming numbers of soccer players, it is critical that you don't get caught too far forward and generally Alamo up on the defense. When faced with overwhelming numbers of zombies--especially fast, Infected kind like in "28 Days Later", not the slow, plodding type like in the first ten minutes of the "Thriller" video--you generally try to hang onto the ball, take your time on any (un)dead ball play, and kick the ball really far down the field whenever possible. Rangers did this masterfully, frustrating the hordes from hell with smart, no-nonsense clearances, short passes, and the occasional "blast the ball as far as you can to take a breather" play. Muralt dropped back to assist Calkins in the defensive middle and Fahrbach did an exceptional job marking up on zombie forward Danny--the guy who is a dead-ringer for Lonnie on Wolfhounds. Silverman was a friggin' beast in the net, making three (in particular) clutch saves to keep the affair goalless. One save involved him leg-swiping the ball away from a solo striker and the other that comes to mind was a double save where he swatted a shot to the upper right corner down, scrambled back as it bounced toward the goal mouth, and then punched it again as it was getting precariously close to fully crossing the line.

As Rangers finally grew to full numbers, we began to go on the attack for the first time, reluctantly getting a few guys forward on both flanks for crosses back into the middle. Burden switched with Gemmell up front, allowing our usual right winger to swoop onto balls played on both sides...although the ghostly post-Halloween make-up he sported did make Burden look suspiciously like the undead. Hmm... The ball was still in our half more than it was in their half and Calkins, DeBar, and Muralt--dropping back to bolster Gemmell in the defensive middle--hacked and tackled their way through several threatening attacks. The Dawgs finally struck around the thirtieth minute when they timed a run through the middle correctly and then it kicked it out to their right, allowing a striker to isolate Silverman one on one and make a lucky strike past him. 1-0 to the Dawgs.

Luke blew the first half to a close. Ingersoll shuffled the line-up to the more familiar 3-1-4-2 with the Rangers in their usual positions, hoping to get Bennouri and Switzer better feeds up front while Burden took charge of the right flank. Calkins kept an eye on Gemmell in the holding midfield role. Dawgs went on the attack again right from the start. The wet ground made for some awkward skips of the ball and tricky touches, but the contest seemed evenly matched with most of the play happening within twenty yards of the centerline...if it was actually visible. Bennouri took a pass from (Muralt?) and blew past the back line, dribbling deep into the undead box. The Dawg goalie roared something about "brains!" as Bennouri shot and the ball flashed just right of the upright, clattering against the back goalframe post. So close, but so far. Still 0-1. Tragedy again befell the gallant defenders as the Dawgs scored again when their tall midfielder zombie claimed a pass just outside the top of Silverman's box and hooked an expertly curving shot into the net. 0-2 in the 60th minute. The hordes were growing hungrier. The situation was dire, indeed. Who would heed the call for a hero?

Short answer: Everybody did. Instead of rolling over and offering ourselves up with some fava beans and a nice Chianti, Rangers got pissed and played our game. The tempo was noticeably turned up after we went down by two. Rangers crashed into Dawgs in the air. Rangers took out some legs, usually with the ball, but not always. The zombie hordes started to get a little panicky and their hearts started to beat a little faster as 'Gers raiding parties smashed forward in threes, fours and fives. That is, if zombies actually have beating hearts! Yellow and Black pressure earned us several corners in rapid succession and one such series--I believe, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong...'cause that's why we have a "Post Comments" section for each summary--saw the ball bounce around the mixer before getting spewed back out to the west sideline, and then be laterally passed along the top of the box to Muralt, who opted for placement over power and slotted a strike low across the mud, through three confused defenders, and past the lunging keeper into the lower right corner of the net. The zombie horde let out a low growl of defeat. Who's eating brains now, Dawgs?! Ingersoll sprinted into the net to retrieve the ball for a quick restart--which, if I may be so bold, proved critical later on. Somebody asked how much time was left. Referee Luke indicated fifteen minutes. "Too...much.... tiiimmme..." grumbled the Dawgs right back, sniffing for a fresh head to chomp.

Dawgs tried to reclaim the initiative with a deflating counter-strike, but 'Gers don't play that game. With the tall midfielder responsible for the second Dawgs score breaking into space with numbers, Ingersoll clipped him from behind, dropping him to the muddy earth. "Brains?!" he cried out. No, undead spawn of Satan, professional foul! It was (mostly) an accident, mostly the result of tired legs and not being able to get around him, but it was a goal scoring opportunity, so Luke reached into his pocket and flashed Ingersoll a yellow card, his very first yellow card in thirty-one years of soccer...minus the seven years I spent mountaineering.

For what it's worth, I'm glad you guys were there to share it with me. It was...special.

The resulting wall (see below) and free kick amounted to nothing, so it was a good foul to take.

Time was running out. 'Gers turned up the attacks and found several shots getting closer, but not hitting the mark. Approximately five minutes from time, another frenzied rush of legs, boots, mud and limbs created a scrum near the Dawgs penalty spot. The ball skittered out to Bennouri, who noted Ingersoll off to his left and slid a tidy pass around their defender to the manager's feet. Ingersoll crushed it with his first touch.

CLANG! The ball was heading for the roof of the net and the keeper may have gotten a hand on it, but the strike blasted off the crossbar and flew wildly over the growling horde to the far upright and, ultimately, back into play in the midfield. F**K!

Play continued frantically for the last few minutes. Radigan scythed down the Dawgs center midfielder--fairly, but with great vigor. Gaffney subbed on to help the back line with fresh legs and made a couple of critical touches. With probably seconds to go, 'Gers broke forward one last time through the middle. The center midfield--Radigan? Muralt? Help me out here!--slotted an expertly executed pass right down the Dawg's throat. Switzer and Ingersoll broke forward to get onto it along with the last defender, the left back who was trying to pick up Switzer's run. It was almost a dead heat, but Seanny barely got to the ball first, took one touch to control it, and lashed it forward with his right. From about six yards out, the ball flew past the keeper's right hand and slapped into the back of the net.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed the usually off-target left midfielder. Then, re-catching his breath: "OH YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!" The zombie hordes, if not fully vanquished, were devastated. Our brains were not nearly the sweet sweetmeats anymore. Ingersoll exchanged spazzy goal-celebration pleasantries with, well, hell just about everybody and he totally apologizes if any of his high-fives, shoulder smacks, bro-hugs or whatever else I might have done were too enthusiastic and caused you discomfort. I was caught up in the moment.

The match ended about a minute after the restart, with Dawgs looking forlorn and, um, kinda dead. A point well-earned with another total team performance against overwhelming numbers is nothing to guffaw, but as the season winds down, the last two matches are critical...with next week being a little more critical than the following week. Just sayin'.

Match notes...Match attendance varied from zero to maybe a dozen by the final whistle...In the "Do As I Say, Not As I Do" department, Ingersoll will be unavailable to participate next week due to a coaching conflict, but he would really, really, really love it if most/at least eleven other players could come play...Another Nike T-90 ball went over the fence during the match...Keep an eye on the O-30 Third Rose City standings (link is to the left) this week to see how we stand in the table...With an anticipated No Subs loss to the Salem Kickers and a tie for Dawgs this Sunday, even if Hawks beat Wolfhounds, we should still be in second place...Go Wolfhounds!

Next Match:

FC77 Rangers v. KMA (Second leg)

Sunday, 8 November, 2009

Montessori Earth School

10:00 AM KO

She wouldn't find this so funny if they tried to

eat her legs off for ninety minutes. B***h.

Fall 2009 - Goal Scorers

Fall 2009 Scorer's Table (amended 12/13/09)

Radigan, Aaron 11

Switzer, Bob 7

McConnachie, James 5

Bennouri, Nabyl 4

Burden, Ron 4

Muralt, Matt 4

King, Ron 3

Ingersoll, Sean 2

Snyder, Jim 2

Sibanda, Bullie 1

FC77 Rangers 5:4 Symmetry NW

FC77 Rangers 5 - 4 Symmetry NW

(Radigan 20'; Burden 35' and 55'; Muralt 65'; Switzer 70')

It can be a difficult thing going into a match, three-quarters of the way through the season, knowing that many of your players are not going to be able to play. Life happens, of course: Work, nagging injuries, drunken bashes in New Orleans...the usual suspects. Coming off the brutal clash last week with No Subs, Rangers were down to a skeleton crew on Match Day Seven against always competitive, always plucky Symmetry NW. Manager Sean repeatedly did the math and only came up with ten bodies, maybe eleven. As you might suspect, he did not find this awesome. So when Prodigal Son and former player Gary Foubister emailed and said he wanted to come watch 'Gers, Manager Sean gave him the best seat on the pitch...starting striker! As Bono might say, "Get on your boots!"

Starting X + I:

DeBar (Silverman, 15')

Pullen - Calkins - DeBar, fullbacks

Snyder, holding midfielder

Burden - Radigan - Muralt - Ingersoll, midfielders

Foubister - Switzer, strikers

Reserves:

Reserves? We don't need no stinkin' reserves!

The Yellow and Black started out in a 3-4-2 while Silverman hurried to the MES with his boots, with DeBar graciously offering to stand in until the final player arrived. Normally, playing with ten players is a worrisome thing...unless your opponent only has eight and then it isn't so bad...until your short-sided opponent plays a boring long-ball-kick-and-run game, beats your pressing back line, and scores ten minutes into the match...then that kind of sucks. But what doesn't suck is when you then proceed to democratically spread the ball around, take full advantage of your opponent's reduced numbers, and blast the living [bleep!] out of the dodgy keeper. That doesn't suck at all. After settling down, 'Gers went to work on asserting themselves over their tangarine opposition. Foubister snaked left and back-heeled to Ingersoll, who, as is the custom of his people, winged it high and right. No goal, but intent. Symmetry's keeper had a tough time clearing the ball to midfield and so Radigan and Muralt poached the middle, claiming repeated balls before SNW could go back to the ho-hum kick and chase ball with which they found early success. Muralt slid a slicing ball through the heart of the back line and Radigan obliged with an unchecked run, a touch or two to line it up, and then a calm strike past the keeper. With a full side after Silverman's arrival and an even scoreline, 'Gers began to reclaim possession and tempo, unpanicked and relatively unbothered. Snyder dished left to Ingersoll who made a run into the box, hoping the beaten right back would charge in on him for a penalty. The back instead gave up and Rangers left winger found himself precariously close to the six yard box. A shot would have been appropriate, but I couldn't hit water if I fell out of a boat, so the chippy cross back across the entire box seemed like a wasted opportunity...until Burden swooped into the eighteen and, as is the custom of his people, one-touched(? Sure!) the pass high over the mixer and gracefully loped it over the keeper. Thirty-five minutes down, Yellow and Black up 2-1. Symmetry battled back and forced Silverman to make a stunning save to his right, pawing a sure goal over the crossbar. Pullen, Calkins, and DeBar all worked hard to clear the resulting corner kick out and Snyder shepherded the ball back out to the right. 'Gers played more possession and made Symmetry's keeper scramble a bit more than he would have preferred, but when match official Pete blew the first 45 to a close, spirits were high and there was a sense in the crisp morning air that more goals were to come.

More goals, indeed! Unfortunately, it was Symmetry who claimed the first goal of the second half off circumstances that elude me. Probably kick and chase. Snore. So what is the best response to a morale lifting equalizer? A morale crushing go-ahead goal, say, sixty seconds later. Taking the kick-off, Ingersoll got free on the Symmetry right, once again found himself inside their box, and once again could have shot without too much guilt. Once again, however, he (wisely) opted to not shoot and his left footed 45 degree back-pass was too acute for Muralt, who was breaking toward the penalty spot...however, once again Burden swept in and once again his first touch on the ball was a gem, slotting past the keeper near side. The joke at half-time was that Burden is the only player Ingersoll can consistently find a pass to and Burden can't score unless he gets the ball from Ingersoll. (All three of Ron's goals this season were assisted from his left wing counterpart!)

Ranger wingers: Bringing people together since 2007.

Now up 3-2 as the hour mark loomed nigh, it started to feel like the train was leaving the station for Symmetry. Muralt got his own name on the score line with (I think-I may be making this up) a reciprocal feed off Radigan that broke him loose through the middle. I recall it was very much like Radigan's first goal, with a slicing pass, a collection, and a slotted shot past the bewildered keeper. How very...symmetrical...but then they had to get all long ball again and run and kick and chase and run and kick and chase and somehow they put another one in the net. It's so unbalanced...so...unsymmetrical. Whatever. A studs up challenge on Snyder near midfielder earned Symmetry a caution and resulting free kick once again wreaked havoc amongst the Orangemen. A point blank shot from (?) landed squarely in the keeper's hands...and then fumbled out. Switzer deftly swooped in and claimed the put-back, earning a true poacher's goal and a critical fifth for 'Gers. 5-3 and comfortable going but Symmetry has a way of hanging around and an unlucky deflection about twenty yards out careened back over our defenders and caught Silverman off-balance, making the score 5-4. It wasn't really a graceful goal and damn near impossible to defend, just unlucky. The lsat eighteen minutes were spirited. Symmetry had a full eleven by now and tried to press for another equalizer, but Calkins, DeBar, Snyder and Pullen scrambled to keep the box clear and wisely put it out of touch when SNW started asking questions. DeBar made several late clearances on the right to keep the flank secure and 'Gers wisely kept players back when attacking opportunities presented themselves to not get suckered on a counter-attack. An 89th minute break found Ingersoll again just inside the box, but remembering what they do in pro matches--and that he can't score--he opted to take the ball to the corner flag...mostly because he's never done that before and it looks all cool and tactical. He won a throw-in for his efforts and killed ten seconds off the clock, then 'Gers got a corner and took some more time to set up the delivery.

With no one coming in for the short corner--it was mindfully being watched, anyway--Ingersoll decided that another thing he'd never done before was try to shoot from the corner flag. This seemed like a good idea because a long cross might invite a counter and catch the Yellow and Black high, so figuring he had nothing left to lose except more time off the clock, Ingersoll bent it from the NW flag and back toward the goal...and damn it if it almost didn't go in! The keeper was alert to the curving delivery and punched it over for another corner, milking precious seconds. Symmetry tried one more time to kick and chase, DeBar and Calkins kicked it away as they were chased, and three shrill blasts of the whistle gave Rangers three more points and another week in second place of the Rose City table.

All in all, it was a typical FC77-Symmetry match: A close match, Burden finding the net (he scored on his debut against this side several years ago), multiple Ranger goalkeepers, and a tough win.

Match notes...Attendance was two people, both for Symmetry...Umm, that's about it...

Next Match:

FC77 Rangers v. Dawgs (return leg)

Sunday, 1 November, 2009

Montessori Earth School

10:00 AM KO

FC77 Rangers 1:2 No Subs

FC77 Rangers 1 - 2 No Subs

(Radigan 15')

Note: Soundtrack included in the match video above does include profanity.

All of the ingredients for a classic match were in place. The pitch was freshly mowed, slick and fast. The lines at the Montessori Earth School were straight and true, unlike the usually wavy field markings which give our field so much character. The morning air was mild, with just a hint of moisture in the wind. Fifteen Rangers showed up to do battle on Match Day Six with longtime foes No Subs, eager to make up for a previous spring season home and away series with them that, poetically speaking, sucked ass. The resulting ninety minutes had all the stuff of legends. A brilliant goal. Crunching tackles. A yellow card and oh-so-close to a red. Epic saves in the box...

Everything except the proper final score.

Starting XI:

Silverman, goalkeeper

Pullen - Bauman - Seaton, fullbacks

Calkins, holding midfielder

Burden - Radigan - Snyder - Ingersoll, midfielders

McConnachie - Sibanda, strikers

Reserves: Bennouri, Switzer, DeBar, King

It was apparent from the opening three minutes that this match was going to be aggressive and scrappy. The wet grass practically begged for slide tackles and, if that wasn't motivation enough, the turf made the footing precarious for most of the players and going to ground became a function of Newtonian physics as opposed to a conscious choice. Several early runs were sidetracked--derailed, one could say--by the ground and the ball seemed to have a mind of its own as it skipped, slid and rolled from boot to foot to head to knee. Both sides proved to be evenly matched and a No Subs thrust was parried by the 'Gers backline, while an FC77 run was neutralized by the maroon-clad defenders. Sibanda worked hard to switch the play from sideline to sideline and get guys into space. Around the fifteenth minute Radigan broke the stalemate with his sixth goal of the campaign. Burden (I think, help me out if I'm wrong) fed a stinger pass to him and Radigan obliged. It was a cracker of a skip shot from outside the box that flashed across the goalkeeper, flatfooting him, and crashed into the back left corner of the net. No Subs was stunned at the mid- distance blast and quickly began forming up their ranks to respond.

Respond they did, albeit in the least likely way. Around the thirtieth minute one of their strikers received a diagonal pass from the outside and, aided by the slick grass, found himself all alone in front of 'Gers net. His attempt to pass the ball into our net was stymied by the same slick turf that got him free in the first place and literally three feet from goal, the ball became entangled in his boots. It bounced up and away as he cursed in frustration and several 'Gers defenders slid in to clear the ball away. As the Nike T-90 bounced haphazardly from leg to foot to player, it popped out to the about the penalty spot where a No Subs midfielder got a good swing and put it into the net.

There were tackles. So many tackles. One challenge begat another. When in doubt, slide it out. It wasn't a prizefight, it was a street fight, and every run of passes ended with studs up or a man down. Silverman wiped out a solo forward who thought to chip him from just outside the box, sending his arching shot into the safety netting. King and Ingersoll tried to run through a bouncing ball in the middle and get a lucky bounce past the keeper, but the resulting play ended in four or five guys flailing on the ground and the ball skittering away. When Oscar the referee blew for half-time with the scoreline at 1-1, both sides were muddied and sore. Of all the match ups in the Rose City O-30 Third, this was probably the most evenly contested. It would probably take one little bit of luck or one moment of fortune to tilt the precarious balance.

No Subs went on the offensive in the second half and a free kick near the top of 'Gers box required Silverman to make a freakin' brilliant one handed save to put the second effort over the bar. 'Gers started with the short pass game that favored them in the past. No Subs would go long ball, only to have Pullen, DeBar, Seaton, Bauman or Calkins introduce them to the sod. Rangers started having more luck on the sidelines and kept pressing...pressing...pressing. A foul on Bennouri was answered by the offending No Subs player with a mocking display of diving, earning him a yellow card and a warning from the official to shut up: "Do you want me to give you a red?" He did not and subbed out. With many of the home side moving forward to support another attack on the Powell Street End, No Subs kicked it out to the right and found one of their quicker strikers with some space. He ran onto the ball and after a thirty yard sprint to the posts slotted it home. 2-1 with maybe twenty-five minutes to go.

'Gers began an all-out assault on the No Subs goal, with many yellow shirts making forays into the box. Radigan and McConnachie connected for a promising run along the left sideline, with McConnachie making a sharp cut toward the box as their right back and the right wing hacked him to the ground, forcing him to sub off. Despite FC77 protests that it was a penalty, video review shows the grievous foul occurring just outside the box. Switzer's free kick curled toward the far corner but was just a little long. Ingersoll and Radigan tried to connect on another cross into the box that was just out of reach. King finally sprang the No Subs offside trap in the 86th with a thundering run through their backs, alone one on one with the keeper. His blast smashed off the left upright and bounced back, but maroon hearts were beating fast. Another late cross found Radigan beating his marker and slamming a header on goal...but the No Subs keeper was well-placed and collected.

The final whistle was not a happy sound for the home side and the second defeat of the season did not sit well with the squad. One could argue that a 1-2 loss was a marked improvement over the 1-7 and 1-4 drubbings from the spring, but who are we kidding? We hate to lose. We really hate to lose to No Subs. I would bet that every single player would say that No Subs is bar none Rangers' greatest rival now. (Hmm...what a great poll question...) 'Gers still stand a good chance of playing in the championship, but the next three matches are key. Will this loss be the catalyst for some of the most epic football ever seen at the MES? Or will this be the beginning of the end?

What will it be, boys?

Match notes...Attendance was estimated at approximately 18...Videography courtesy of the lovely Becki Ingersoll...One of the Nike balls lost over the fence two weeks ago against Wolfhounds FC was happily returned, resulting in a a net loss of only four balls thus far...but I forgot to pick up my camp chair before I left, so I lost that, too...Match footage background music is the Giraffe's "Man U"...No offense James, but it is a perfect song for all of the carnage depicted in the video...

Next Match:

FC77 Rangers v. Symmetry Northwest

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Montessori Earth School

10:00 AM KO