FC77 Rangers 2:1 Hawks

FC77 Rangers 2 - 1 Hawks

(Muralt 50', 58')

In a curious twist of scheduling fate, the GPSD O30-Third spring league season decided not to schedule any matches on Easter weekend, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Memorial Day weekend and, mysteriously enough, the weekend of June 25th and June 26th, which I will dub "Didn't Renew our Field Permits with the City of Portland Weekend"...but did decide to play matches on Independence Day Weekend. With so many players off celebrating freedom, liberty, and the right to purchase automobiles and mattresses at dramatically reduced prices, Manager Seanny found himself scrambling to assemble a skeleton crew of Ranger stalwarts to combat Hawks, our bugaboo rivals from the other side of the Columbia River. Forfeit: Not an Option. Rangers have never just rolled over and died in their entire illustrious multi-decade history and Sean wasn't going to be the first manager to fly the white flag, especially since a similar Hawks forfeiture last spring cost us goal differential and the chance to play for a championship. Many, many frantic emails, Facebook messages and passive-aggressive queries went out to secure a full-strength squad. As July 3rd dawned cool and gray, eleven brave men stepped forward to answer the call:

Do you know that there's still a chance for you?

'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light

And let it shine

Just own the night

Like the Fourth of July

'Cause baby you're a firework!

[Queue fireworks and explosions shooting from Katy Perry's ample bosom.]

Starting XI:

Silverman, goalkeeper

Pullen - Bauman - DeBar - Payne, fullbacks

Siegel - Muralt - Calkins - Ingersoll, midfielders

Holstein - Fahrbach, strikers

Reserves: Reserves? Seriously, didn't you read the dramatic introduction?

A full side Rangers complement, including Andre DeBar and Glenn Siegel, assembled on the pitch and were greeted by a...a...not quite full-strength complement of gray-clad and graying Hawks. As the referee checked the rosters, it became clear that the Vancouver rivals would be...umm...compact and determined. You know what I mean. Don't make me say it. The Hawks captain originally considered forfeiting because of their determined compactness as one of their players had an expired card and was deemed not eligible to play, further reducing their squad. Ingersoll had a brilliant managerial idea.

"So, if we allow your one player to play with an expired card, Hawks will play a real match and not forfeit?"

"Yeah, we'll play," the Hawks captain said.

Liking the odds of the Ranger's eleven vs. Hawks not eleven, a pre-match conference was held with the official. Dramatic calls were made. Eventually, the referee hung up his phone and agreed to the arrangement, but with the caveat of thirty minute halves. Some looks of consternation flashed among 'Gers. Sixty minutes? That's it?

Ingersoll, recalling the non-match a year ago, flashed a steely look of snarky, vengeful malice: "We outnumber them by a lot. Let's pound the shit out of them." Bauman and Muralt nodded in approval.

"Works for us."

The referee started the match, Hawks kicked off, and four minutes later they sent a long hero ball over the top and scored. F**k!

Sucker punched by a dose of footballing karma and a really fast striker, 'Gers regrouped and attempted for the next twenty-six minutes to equalize. But we didn't. Maybe it was the long break since our last match. Maybe it was the new combination of players. Maybe it was the lack of goose crap on the pitch that somehow threw our bearings off, but whatever the reason...we were awful. We had difficulty connecting on passes, making traps, and finishing. Ingersoll sliced a shot so far right from the top of the box it may have struck a small child playing in the grandstand. Hawks' keeper, a strong stickminder despite his penchant for wearing a Flounders kit, scooped up the long balls ably and compensated for his right back's lack of mobility. Fahrbach and Holstein started getting chances but the net continued to elude us for the first half. The referee's whistle was a mournful clarion call to action.

"Their backs are old and slow. Drop some deep balls behind them."

"Spread them out and make them run."

"One of our midfielders needs to body up on their fast striker and ride him."

"Win the fifty-fifty ball! They are beating us to every ball!"

No panic was evident, but there was some concern. That proffered 1-0 forfeit was looking pretty sweet in hindsight now. Stupid hindsight. 'Gers took to the field and, although the passes were still spraying all over, they were connecting. Ingersoll and Siegel got more involved on the flanks and the back line was solid with Silverman only having to make two of his trademarked sliding saves. When their dribbling midfielder started getting mazy at the top of the box, our backs collapsed and forced him into a low percentage shot. DeBar, Payne and Pullen controlled the back line and allowed Bauman to roam forward.

With ten minutes to play and the situation looking dire, Calkins fired a long pass behind the Hawks right back and allowed Ingersoll to surge forward into the box. Their keeper covered his angles and Ingersoll laid off a gentle pass to the on-rushing Muralt, unmarked and lonely to the left of the penalty spot. He took his time, picked his shot, and finally beat the keeper with a clean strike through the middle. 1-1 was at least not an embarrassment, but did the Yellow and Black have another in the tank to make the result respectable?

Indeed they did. Two minutes from time, Bauman charged forward from his stopper position and split the two defenders, getting a good double dry-humping in the process. He blasted a shot from just inside the box and beat the keeper--

CLANG!

The striker rebounded aggressively off of the right post! It fell kindly to Muralt, who calmly collected and passed it into the net. The keeper, for all of his match day heroics, had no chance. There were a few cries for offsides, but it was a clean goal and 'Gers escaped with all three points, a modicum of self-respect, and a solid mid-table position with two (but likely only one) match remaining.

Thanks to Muralt's family and Stella Bauman for coming out to watch.

Match Summary:

HAWK, 4'

RAN-Muralt, 50'

RAN-Muralt, 58'

Halftime: RAN 0-1 HAWK

Discipline: None

Attendance: 9

Next Match:

KMA (5-1-2, 17 points) v FC77 Rangers (3-4-1, 10 points)

Sunday, 10 July, 2011

LaSalle High School

Portland, Oregon

6:00 p.m. KO